International House of Helpful Critters

Dear Readers,

I have the pleasure to introduce some lovable and helpful characters.  They are a gang of international house helpers and kid-friendly critters. They each can be up to a little mischief at times but have good intentions. These critters are to be used to give non-accusatory hints to children (anger control), cues to remember to do certain tasks (flush, turn off lights) and parent helpers (remote control finder, warning bell babysitter).  Great for kids with ADHD, Autism, or just regular kids (and grown-ups) tired of being fussed at for forgetting to turn off lights or put the TV clicker where it goes. 

Hope you enjoy these.  If you want one, feel free to make up one that fits your household.  It really works-even the author remembers to turn off lights now that Lydo has joined the family especially when tiny clay figurines or pictures can be drawn of these characters and placed in strategic locations.  Take care all who travel here.  And watch out for Princess Slamifina-she's a real sparkplug.

Disclaimer: All names are completely fictional and any resemblance to living or dead characters, or stereotypical association with names or nationalities is entirely unintentional.  Please select your desired character and prices will be discussed upon upon request.   

                      Introducing the Distinguished Members of the
                                International House of Helpful
                                      (and not so helpful)
                            Critters, Fairies, and Gentlemen
                                               
                                                <A>

Princess Ira Dora Slamifina is the Irish-Italian fairy princess of temper tantrums. When little ones get angry she hears their call and comes to the rescue, slamming doors and pitching fits for the child. She slams the door by blowing air very quickly to make the door slam. But, if the child tells her to get in their pocket and don’t throw a fit, she will do as they ask. She is less than three inches tall and doesn’t talk but she does slam doors, cross her arms, let her air out in puffs to make a point, and she pouts (bottom lip and all). Parents can use this fairy to their advantage. If their child is starting to pitch a fit, they can tell the child, “You tell Princess Slamifina to get in your pocket and if she slams a door, she will get you in alot of trouble.” She teaches kids to handle their anger and prepare ahead of time by reminding them to ask her to be good and, really, they are telling themselves to handle their anger.
                                         
(Read more about her grandparents and mother in the story, Dorville McSlam of Tempangabam, which can be found in SWPoet's Portfolio-or below - see bitem)

Dorville McSlam of Tempangabam  (E) Twisted tale of choosing a mate, anger management, and a children's fable #1397647 by SWPoet

                                                <B>

Lydo Switcheroo is the Australian light switch fairy. He is only two inches tall and looks like a cross between a tiny flying kangaroo and big jumping lightning bug. He doesn’t talk but makes the sound of flipping light switches when he gets excited. He can jump or fly and he flits and buzzes around the room but only comes out when everyone leaves the house or is asleep. He likes turning lights on and off. Sometimes it’s good when he turns them off if you forget but he gets frisky and turns on lights sometimes, getting the kids in trouble. Kids like to blame him if they forget to turn the lights off but they can also think hard and send a thought to Lydo to turn off the lights and their wish is his command, but only if they say "Pleeeeze" first.

                                                  <C>

Zepo De’Floosjer is a Dutch Flushing Slonkey (b/w a monkey and a sloth) with long arms that move slowly and a long tail that can flush the potty. His hat looks like the rubber plunger without the stick attached. He likes wearing red and white striped pants and baseball shirts with Z's on the front.  He lives under the sinks in the bathrooms and his job is to check after everyone leaves and make sure the potty is flushed. He is very quiet when people are home but sometimes he can’t resist and slips out and flushes when people are awake and at home. He mimics the parents’ voices in whatever language they speak. He loves the sound of potties flushing so sometimes he tells the kids (in the parents’ voices) to go play upstairs or feed the cat so the child will leave the restroom without flushing. Then he gets to flush as much as he wants. Parents think it is the little kids flushing over and over and don’t suspect they have Zepo under their sinks. If they don't have children, they think the toilet is malfunctioning and they call the plumber.  He has another benefit too. He has one long finger on each hand that he uses to plug holes in leaky pipes under the sink. His first profession was to use his fingers to plug holes in the dikes in Holland. Now they have a little boy who does this so he had to find a new profession.

                                                  <D>

Herr Klick Kerfine Derr is an Invisible German Buzzing Organism that attaches to the television remote. He emits a low buzz when someone is looking for the channel clicker (remote control). He also can wiggle his body to make the remote control vibrate in case his house owners have it under a blanket or have the television turned up too loud to hear his low buzz. He is silent most of the time but when he hears people asking for the remote control, he starts making his buzzing noises and makes the remote shake.

                                                  <E>

Sir Arrade Cyrus "Cy" Wren is the English knight of protection for children. He is a cross between the safety patrol and a babysitter but he looks like a tiny chamelion lizard with wings. He attaches to a child’s earlobe (looks like an earring for girls and blends in with the skin color for boys). He whispers to the child when he or she is doing something unsafe. He is friendly and does not hurt the child when he sits on the earlobe. He can fly also and if the child doesn’t listen to him when he says “don’t run with scissors, little Mikey” he will fly to where the parents are and he will sound his loud alarm and then fly toward the child in question frantically until the parent takes care of the situation. Parents like this little knight and pay him with little wax ear plugs (he loves to eat wax for some crazy reason).

                                              <>


More stories about these characters will follow....maybe.

If you would, please, feel free to vote for the characters you would most like to join your household.  You can choose more than one.

A (Princess Ira Dora Slamifina)
B (Lydo Switcheroo)
C (Zepo De'Floosjer)
D (Herr Klick Kerfine Derr)
E (Sir Arrade Cyrus "Cy" Wren)


Also, what other functions in your home or cues for your children would you like to see included?  The staffing agent in the house (SWPoet) is still hiring more characters and would like to ensure a wide selection of critters, fairies, elves, and gentlemen for all households around the world.

Thank you very much for taking part in this little experiment.  I am always looking for ways to provide gentle reminders and preserve childhood dignity (and grown-up dignity as well).  Enjoy the challenge and I look forward to hearing from all of you.


Sincerely,

The Casting Director of International House of Helpful
(and not so helpful) Critters, etc.........

SWPoet



P.S. This is only a fictional letter.  The only cost to be discussed is a creative imagination and a household (or parental) necessity.  No money need change hands. 

However, the survey is real. I would love your opinions and would like to build on the characters thought to be most helpful to the average human.  Thank you for your help.