Celestial Moon Episode 7

Episode 7: Live Your Dream Again…

I don’t know why, but something about Sunday seemed different. Maybe it was because I felt a little sick that day. Maybe it was because I was in a corporate office about to make a big press release. It was way too earlier in the morning for this shit. I didn’t think I could hang… Lucky me, Ami knew I wasn’t a morning person and did the first half of the press work. I sat in the office, watching the address on the television, waiting for my cue. I didn’t want to be there. It didn’t feel right… and not because I didn’t want to do the show. I did. It’s just I remembered my morning routine. I looked at my watch. About 6:55 AM. Tamari should have gotten to the store by now and I wasn’t there to give her my keys. I wondered if she’d be alright… I mean, she wasn’t stupid. She’s the smartest person I’ve ever seen… when she wants to be. She was just too carefree for her own good…

I must have dozed off because I didn’t notice Amanda inches away from my face, just staring at me with her hand on my head. I faked a confusing face. “Um… Ami, I know you’ve had some bad times with men… but I don’t believe I’m into you in that way…” That pissed her off. “I was trying to see if you was sick, you dumbass!” she yelled. “I came in to tell you that you’re up, but you was sleeping and wouldn’t wake up. I told the press to give us a recess to regroup.” I shook my head to wake myself up a little. “Thanks for that, Ami,” I said. I looked around the room I had been waiting in. “What’s wrong with you,” Ami asked. “You’ve been out of it ever since we’ve been here.”
“I can’t say,” I said, “Maybe it’s because of this early hour.”
“Don’t give me that. You always used to wake up early like this.”
“How do you know I didn’t change my sleeping habits?”
“That’s because your store opens at 7am. If you did change your sleeping habits then you would have been fired by now.” Oh, to hell with it. I was not in the mood to continue this argument. “Fine,” I admitted, “You’re right, okay?” Ami looked at me with concern. It was the first time in a long time she seemed to really care about me. I kinda missed that from the past. She sat beside me on the sofa and put her arm around me. “What’s wrong, little sis?” she inquired. I sighed. “I’m not really sure, sis.”

*Fact: Ami and I are not real sisters. We took a blood oath of sisterhood in elementary. I guess that’s why we still call each other sister from time to time. Still, why she has to put out the fact that she’s 3 days older than me by calling me the little sister is beyond me.

“I don’t think I can do all of this again.” The first time I doubted my decision to rejoin the production. “What if it’s the same thing all over again? I don’t think I can go through all of that again.” The first time I stopped to think about how I felt back then. “I know I seem strong to all of those people, but the real me is weak.” Giving too much information and confessing my true feelings. “What do you think I should do?” A silly question mainly because I knew the answer. I waited, impatiently but quietly, to see what Ami was going to say. It’s been a while since I’ve broken down like that. Surely Ami would understand like she used to and have some words of advice. She sighed, moved closer to my ear as if she was going to whisper.

“GET OVER IT!!!” she yelled.

It shocked me, causing me to jump off of the sofa which sent me crashing to the floor below. “What the fuck is wrong with you, you crazy bitch?” I screamed, still stunned. “What the hell was that for, Ami?” She stood up, reaching down to grab my hand so she could try to help me up. I don’t know why, but she wasn’t smiling after that. “I wanted to see if I could wake you up from this funk you’re always in.” I accepted her hand and allowed her to help me to my feet. After I was upright she walked over to the table and leaned on it. I went back to the sofa and sat back down. “I don’t know your problem with putting on an act,” she said. “You said that you’re so afraid of being misrepresented, of you acting a part to be loved. You’ve yet to understand that the true fans can tell Isoka from Kataro.” I raised an eyebrow. “Besides,” she continued, noting my skepticism, “It isn’t like you tried to put Isoka in the limelight to begin with.

“What do you mean by that?” I wondered, sounding angrier than I really was. I guess Ami was more relaxed than I because she didn’t use that as a platform to start a verbal battle like she would normally do. “I mean that you allowed yourself to be overshadowed by Kataro. You played that role with so much life yet you never allowed the fans to see the real Kitayama-san. You were silent and reserved when you were around the public. It was like your personality was broken or something. Yet when you played Kataro, they saw your passion and fell in love with what you gave them.” What she said made sense. It also made me feel worst about how I treated my fans. I blamed them for something that I inadvertently caused. How fucked up that much feel. If the roles were reversed, I would have never forgiven my actions... “You need to get over it,” Ami said as she was walking over to the refrigerator near the window. She opened it, grabbed a sandwich, and closed the door. “What do you mean get over it?” I asked. “You said it yourself. I’m the one who messed my life up…”
“Because of your own insecurities,” she finished. “My goodness, Isoka, get some new material.” She sat on the table, biting into her sandwich. “Look, you can’t change what you have done in the past. But you already changed what will happen in the future.” Okay, I didn’t understand that. “Care to elaborate, Amanda?” I asked. Ami took another bite into her sandwich, chewed, and swallowed. “It’s simple,” she said, “You gave everyone the passion they were looking for when you trashed them. It’s funny when you think about it really. You gave them what they wanted and yet they hate you for it.”
“Is this supposed to make me feel better?” I asked, “Because it’s only making me feel worse.”
“I never said I was trying to make you feel better.”
“Whatever. I don’t know why I even talk to you.”
“Because you need someone to talk to that understands what you’re going through. And who better than your director slash agent?”
“You’re not my agent.”
“I might as well be.”
“Whatever.”
“Look, no one can confuse you and Kataro. Not anymore. You have become someone totally different from her. Not only that, but now the fans can see that too. The sooner you start to see that, the better.” She got up from the table and threw away the rest of her sandwich. Nagato, the idiot, comes rushing in. What did I say? The moron’s late… again! He bumps into Ami, causing her to stumble. “Watch where you’re going,” said Ami out of impulse. “I am so sorry, Miss Watanabe ma’am,” said the imbecile. He started staring at Ami. A very long stare. It was almost creepy. No… to hell with almost, it was just plain creepy. And Ami’s face when she noticed he was staring? Priceless. I cleared my throat a few times to grab his attention. He turned and figured out that I was in the room too. It took him long enough. “Oh, Kitayama-san,” he said, “they told me to tell you that you’re on in 5.”

All Ami did was smile. She motioned with her head for me to come along. It was time for me to talk to the people and tell them I accepted the deal. I got up and followed. “Now then,” Ami’s voice hit me before we got the door, “It’s time. Enough with your pity party and no more damn excuses. Stop being afraid all your fucking life and live your dream again.” Her words stung me. They hurt me, but in a good way. Yeah, I didn’t understand it either. Ami fished into her pocket and pulled out a travel pack of tissues. She turned around, smiled, and tossed me the pack. “Fix yourself up now. We can let the public see that pretty face of yours like that, my dear.” As she and Nagato walked out the door, I ran over to the mirror and seconds later, opened the pack of tissues. How embarrassing…

…How long have I been crying?