Celestial Moon Episodes 0-6

Episode 0: Opening…

Why must I fear what I have been given? Is it fair to the gods who gave me this fate? I think back to that day. How I wish I could forget. I had fame and fortune... none of that could help me claim happiness. But was it their fault? Was it the fault of the people who praised me, cheered me, and worshiped me that I am not happy? How can I justify that? Turning my back on them... I was only thinking of my own happiness, my own life. Was it my quest to find happiness that killed the dreams of all people that dared call themselves my fans? Was I wrong in doing so? I know the answer.

It was.

But what else could I do? Those who aligned themselves as my fans would have never let me leave them so easy. But there had to be a better way than condemning them. There had to be... I may have found one if I had tried. Back then, I took all of it for granted. But to look down on thousands of heartbroken faces... faces that found honor and courage, hope and dreams in my work... did they deserve my hatred for loving me?

Or did they love me...

After all, I'm only a voice. But then again, sometimes only a voice is needed to open the hearts of millions. Why didn't I learn that earlier in life? I can't say that I would have continued. I didn't have happiness. How was I going to do something I loved to do...if I didn't love to do it? I couldn't. The few fans that still like me understand that... at least I hope they do... Those few people that dare to still call me a hero… those people I like. At least someone thinks I'm worth something. Maybe I shouldn't have turned my back to my fame, my fans. But if I didn't, I would be unhappy. Unhappy with wondering. Did they like me or the character I play? Was it me they loved or was it this 2-Dimensional drawing that shared my voice? I don't think I would have ever been happy...

I’m not sure what I am now. Am I famous, infamous, or just a has-been? Or, come to think about it, was I ever? I lived here in the capital city for 19 years of my life. I was born here. I was raised here. I have loved here. I was broken here… For some reason, I don’t want to leave these memories. It's as if I’m fixated of recalling the pains of my past as a way to pray for forgiveness from all of the spirits I have broken. Just because my spirit was broken, did they, the people who dared believe in me, deserve to be broken by my voice? My words of self hate? My terminology of resent towards the people that loved me? Or at least, loved the thought of me… It pisses me off. Every time I think about it, it seems to be more and more painful to think about. Why should I have to be in such pain? Because of what was said to some random otaku? Why should I care so much? I guess I will never truly know why. It seems as if I’m just opening my eyes merely to close them again…

Lost in this endless soap opera that is my life, I walk. If people notice me, I don’t want them to. If they don’t, I begin to wonder why. ‘Tis the curse of fame… If you turn your back it, it will turn its back on you. No second chances. Why did it take me so long to figure that out? Why did I allow myself to destroy the hopes of others for my own happiness… what about my hopes? Why should I have to give up everything for people who don’t know me for me? When did I ever give them a chance… I fear I will never have inner peace. Suicide would bring me so much joy, clearing me away from this hell I created for myself here on Earth. I would… I just don’t think I deserve such happiness… not now.
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Episode 1: Messed Up My Dreams…

A voice actress. Ever since I was young, I wanted to be one. I don’t know why, but I loved the idea of having that type of fame, having all of those people adoring me, hailing my essence. Oh how stupid I was back then… My mother always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be. Unfortunately, she was right. Oh man, how much I’ve changed. I walk down the same Tokyo streets I have always walked, only now no otaku to run from. No photographers. I felt like a normal person. Just a normal girl. I kinda missed being followed by my fans, as weird as it sounds. How peculiar… I was so optimistic about life that I let my happiness mess up my dreams.

It seemed like a normal day to me. I didn’t think anything of the slight warmer weather. Walking down the street to go to my job at the video shop was peaceful to me. I didn’t love my job, but since I decided to live with my friend, Itawamba Tamari, in an apartment and leave home, I needed a job to keep up my half of the payments. The unlimited money, something I miss from my past illustriousness. My boss, although a little loose in the brain, was cool in a little brother way. I wonder how the store was run before I applied there. He’s a sweet guy, a devoted fan of mine and still is. It kinda made me happy to know someone understood why I walked away from it all. Normally, the store named Omega Anime would have a few people in there from time to time on the weekdays to buy anime, games, CDs, and movies. More people would come after school and we’d get more money. Every now and then, a former fan of mine would come in and ask for an autograph. I kinda loved when that happened, so I’d do it free of charge. Other former fans liked to let me hear how mad they are at me. Those people I ignore. Why should I care about their anger if they didn’t about my unhappiness? Then there are the people who remember me, give me a sad look, and never return. 19 years in the city, 24 years of my life, I'd never been able to handle tears. They made me remember just how many people I had hurt with my selfishness. I hated that feeling. I hated that feeling. Other than that, the only other thing about the store is that on random weekends, Satoshi Nagato (my boss) would have something called an Anime Daze, promoting a single anime for the whole weekend. It is always the store’s biggest sale days and I always hated them. Hell, I still do.

Again, it seemed like a normal day to me. Well, it did until I got to the store. Another Amine Daze. I saw the sign from 3 blocks away. I knew I was going to hate it, but love the bonus money. Oh yeah, did I mention Nagato gave me a raise yesterday? I didn’t know why; he didn’t tell me. Oh, did I find out when I got to the front of the store that morning. I was stunned beyond belief. I was also pissed. Nagato, that bastard… I knew he wanted to increase sales for this month, but this… The text on the windows told the whole story. “Come and get a special anniversary edition of the hit anime, Celestial Moon!” My claim to fame... “With a special appearance by Kitayama “Kataro” Isoka!” That was my… I knew he was a fanboy, but I didn’t think he would do something so low, so unbelievable without asking me. Though I could see why he didn’t ask. He knew I would have said no. No one was up yet; thank God… it was four in the morning…

I waited about 15 minutes for Nagato to come and unlock the doors. He’s always either 15 minutes late or 30 minutes early. It really pisses me off to be honest. “Okay, what the hell Oshinaga?” I demanded.

“Stop calling me that.” He didn’t like it when I played with his name. Then again, I didn’t give a damn at the moment.

“Whatever. What the hell is all of this?”

He sighed as he opened the door. “Just hear me out, Kitayama-san. I know you don’t want anything to do with this…”

“You’re damn right I want nothing to do with this!” I yelled. “I thought I told you when I started working here…”

“I know, I know,” he interrupted. “But they re-released Celestial Moon. I had to get people to want to come here to get it and not the other stores.”

“And what does that have to do with me?” I asked.

“It has everything to do with you,” he continued. “What do we have that the other stores don’t? The voice behind the main character…You.” I couldn’t argue. It was a brilliant idea. If there are people who still love the anime, why wouldn’t they want to meet the voice? I guess Nagato figured that only the fans who still loved me would come. I knew what it would do. People can love the show and hate the actress. I should know… I’ve seen the hate. Not that I can blame them. “I also set up a press conference.” I looked over to Nagato. “What???” I found myself yelling. Nagato still looked as if he had everything under control. “You need to apologize to your fans, Kitayama-san. I know you said fame made you miserable, but the thought of betraying your fans the way you did is making you the same way.” How the hell did he do that? I don’t remember saying anything to him about that. But it was obvious that I was unhappy… in either situation. I guess he was right. After 4 years, I think I should try and apologize to them. Still, I hated the fact that someone else thought about it…

“I know you hate the fact that I set this entire thing up without your permission…” He said quietly. How the hell does he… “…but I knew you would say no if I did…And I really wanted to out sell the other stores like we did 5 years ago.” This man… He was 3 years younger than me and was one of my biggest fans. The only girl he really liked was me, and I can prove that. But he didn’t love me… he loved my character. But he liked me enough to befriend the real me. The problem is that he is solely alive for this stupid store now. His happiest moment in life was when he out sold all of the video and gaming stores in the city. It was the day Celestial Moon was first released. I appeared at the store then too, but as a voice actress. It was about a month before I quit, before I cursed the names of all my fans, berated the people who pretended to love me but only love the character I performed as. I continue to think that was a mistake. But as for Nagato’s idea… it was pretty good. For me to apologize at the event that helped make Celestial Moon so popular on its 5 year anniversary was exceptional. I didn’t think it was a good idea to do it, but it was too good of an idea not to do. “Fine. I’ll do it Oshinaga. Just make sure the hatred is left outside please…” Nagato understood what I meant. The store would open at 7am. I decided to clean the store and set up the posters for the Amine Daze.
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Episode 2: To Be A Star Again…

It was surprisingly smooth. The day, I mean. People were truly excited to buy the new DVD and get me to sign it. It made me feel like a star again. It was a good feeling, this part of fame. This part, talking to the people, seeing happiness in others… I missed that. Still, I knew that they didn’t love me. They loved my voice. They hated me… I could feel it. It was like that for the whole day, from 7am to 3pm. It was hell-like, signing disc after disc after disc, posing for pictures, quoting the show… It was tiring. Lucky for me, I got an hour break before the press conference at 4pm. I went to the local café to buy some food only to find Tamari already there having lunch. I walked over and sat down without saying anything. “Ah, Kitayama-san! Nice to see you here so early.”
“I have an hour’s worth of break time,” I retorted, “I tend to take all the time I can before going back to The ‘O’.” The “O” is a popular nickname for Omega Anime. And yes, when I was famous, I came up with it. That’s why I’m the only one that still uses the nickname openly. “Yeah, I heard Satoshi-san pulled all the stops for the DVD release… even got a press conference. It’s not everyday a vid store gets a TV spot like that.” She seemed to be more excited than I could ever pretend to be. “I know,” I answered, “The guy really wants this to be a very big deal.” I don’t think she was really listening to me. “So,” she entered, “How does it feel?”
“How does what feel?”
“To be a star again.”
To be a star again? Like I was a star. I knew my role. I’m a relic. The people who forgave me showed up to see what they obsessed over in the past. “I hardly consider myself a star,” I heard myself say out loud. “Come on, Kitayama-san. Don’t be like that.” Tamari hated when I talked down about myself. I guess everyone needs a person in their life that keeps them in line. Tamari has been that person for a long time. I never really took the time to appreciate her friendship in the past. “I mean, come on Kitayama-san. This is your big chance to get your dream back.” She was right. It was my dream. “Did you hear?” she randomly asked me.
“Hear what?”
“I think Amanda’s back from the US. I think she’s coming to the conference.” I didn’t want to hear that.

Out of all the people I hurt back then, I hurt Watanabe Ami, Amanda as she called herself, the most. She, along with Tamari, was my best friend. Well, I guess she still is, but there’s tension between us most definitely. About 8 years ago, Ami or Amanda or whatever she calls herself made a manga named Celestial Moon. After her manga sold so well, she got all the money she saved and put it all on making it into an anime. I have to thank her someday. She knew my dream of being a voice actress back then and asked me first to play the role of the lead character, Kataro. It was the greatest thing that happened to me until this entire emotional crap hit. She never told me, but that was her favorite piece of work. She would have loved to have had me finish the series, but instead I just up and quit on her. She tried to recast me, but couldn’t find a believable person to fill the role. She left for America soon after she stopped production in Japan. From what I’ve heard, she got America into Celestial Moon too, making an English dubbed version of it. She also made the movie, which I didn’t do the Japanese voice for because I quit before I could. Because of that, the movie was never released in Japan. Another reason for my former fans to hate me… “It would be nice to see Ami again,” I lied, “I hope she’s been doing okay.” Like I didn’t know the answer. Other than the American success of Celestial Moon, her life was hell over there. I read in the news her boyfriend was found dead in the middle of a gang war or something like that. “I know! After the conference, we should all go out and have some lunch.” I don’t get how Tamari can be so cheerful sometimes. But I nodded my head to agree. I was already apologizing to all of Japan at large, why not say sorry to the best friend that I’ve hurt in the process?

4 o’clock. I had to wear the stupid cosplay uniform from the anime to show what Nagato said to be “an understanding of the lovers of the series” and to “show them that I am still connected to the fans of my work”. I personally didn’t like to cosplay. The whole point of me leaving the show was because I wanted them to see me as me, Isoka, not Kataro. Oh whatever. I walked to the front of the store. It was like it was 5 years ago all over again. I mean, I never thought there would be a big turn out for me, public enemy number one… but I couldn’t complain about the money I would make from the day. I knew what they wanted. They wanted to know why I agreed to this. Why did the girl who hated them so much want to perform for them in such a way? And was she still connected to the show?

Would she really come back?

That was the million dollar question today. Would I want to try and become a voice actress again? I mean, it wasn’t like I was all too happy with my life as a normal person either… I guess I would have to figure that out at the press conference…
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Episode 3: My Own Insecurities…

I knew the press conference would be intense for me. I just didn’t know how intense. I peeked out of the store doors and I thought I was going to die when I saw all of those people waiting for me. I thought it was at least going to be a group of people that loved me and a group that hated me. I didn’t think there would be many people there either. I was wrong again. It was a big crowd, I mean the works. TV Cameras, photographers, journalists, fans… they were all there. It was like it was 5 years ago… When Nagato called for me, I was reluctant to walk out, but I eventually made my way to the podium. The reception I got was weird, it wasn’t cheering, but it wasn’t booing either. They clapped. I heard a lot of murmurs. That’s it. It made me nervous if I can be honest. I thought I should try and act as calm as I had been before today. “Welcome to Anime Daze here at The ‘O’,” I started, “and thank you all for celebrating the five year anniversary of the hit phenomenon that is now known the world over as ‘Celestial Moon’. We’re here to share our love and passion that we all have for this manga turned anime. Today we look back at a great piece of Japanese Anime History and remember the greatness that it was.” I didn’t have much to say really. I spoke the truth, but based on what had happened, it didn’t seem it. I looked over to Nagato to ask if it was okay to take questions without saying anything. He nodded. “I will now take question from those who are willing to ask.” I saw a lot of hands go up. This I could handle. I was great at calmly answering questions. Back when I was famous, this part of the press conferences was always my favorite. Nagato picked the people to ask questions.

“Do you really still love the anime?”
That was a fair question… albeit it was an easy one. “I still love ‘Celestial Moon’ as much as I did when I first started working on it. It was a great manga and became a great anime and I love every moment of it. Working as Kataro was one of the greatest things I’ve done with my life.” I had to watch what I said… One wrong thing said…

“Then why did you leave the show? And also, why did you blame the fans for your ‘unhappiness’?”
I knew that was coming. I just thought they were going to wait for the heavy questions until the end. But then again, when it takes five years to address the issue, some people might become impatient. “I left the show because…” I really think I had an epiphany right then. “…because I was unhappy with my own insecurities. I was selfish and wanted to be loved. But as I tried to seek that mythical accolade, I began to feel overshadowed by Kataro.” That got the crowd buzzing a little. “I was left in the dust because I made her so real, so genuine, and so very sincere that when compared to me, she was perfect. My fans didn’t think I was me. They thought I was Kataro, even though we are two very different people. This girl that stands before you is so flawed that when Kataro became me, I started to lose my true self, leaving me in the abyss of my own indignities.” I seemed to have mystified the people. “I admit that my actions five years ago were uncalled for and superfluous. My fans were never the reason behind my melancholy and I hate myself for turning my back on the people that loved me for whatever reason they did. For that, I’m sorry.” I couldn’t believe I finally confessed all of that to myself. It felt as if the weight of the world was lifted from me. Now the rest of the questions would be cake. I mean how hard could they be now?

“So, would you be willing to go back into voice acting? And if you did, would you like to finish the series?”
Okay, so I was wrong. I looked out to the crowd and saw the woman who asked me that. I didn’t recognize the face, but the voice I did. But from where… “Umm… I would say that voice acting was my dream. The fact that I lived my dream is magnificent.” I could see I was losing some of the crowd. “I, however, regret leaving before the series was over and if I had the chance, I would finish the show and even do the movie.” That was the first time during the conference… hell, the first time in a long time… that I was cheered. It felt like I was forgiven. Of course I didn’t really want to do it, but if I could, I would. I didn’t think it was going to happen…

“Do you think that you could become a voice actress again fulltime?”
The same woman… who was that woman… “I could never become a fulltime voice actress again.” I felt like I was really famous. It was a great feeling. “I was all about voice acting back then, but I never worked at it fulltime. Sure, I would love to give it a go again, but now I work here at The ‘O’…” A nice little plug for the store there… “…and I like working here.” A nice little statement to give Nagato a reason to give me a promotion…

“When do you think you would be able to work on Celestial Moon?”
What?
“…IF… you do decide to continue the anime?”
This woman… she was making me sound like I was making promises that I wasn’t making. “I think… that that all depends of fate. I, for one, know that some of the people over at Legend didn’t like the way I left the production. Because of that, I can’t really say if I would be able to work with the group again. So yeah, if they're willing to work with me and give me a second chance. It’s all about how everyone thinks of me and my past.”

It went on like that for about an hour and a half. The questions got better and easier to answer over time. It was truly a relaxing event. Even Nagato thought it went better than we thought it would. I took another break before going back to the store. I just walked around town, in normal clothes mind you. I guess that fate I was talking about was taking effect. The woman from the press conference somehow found her way into my apartment. Tamari was talking to her. “Yo, Tamari!” I announced as I walked in the door. “Who’s that?” Tamari only looked at the woman and laughed. It pisses me off when someone has an inside joke and doesn’t want to share. The women turned to me and smiled. Why the fuck is this bitch smiling at me? “Sorry about earlier, Kitayama-san,” she said. “I got so worked up when I saw you at the conference that I had to ask.”
“Okay, who the hell are you?” I found myself demanding. I was getting a little pissed. “Oh come on, Kataro-san, you can’t tell me that you remember my work, but not my name?” Wait… only one person would ever dare to openly call me Kataro-san… “Ami?”
“Took you long enough,” she said. “So tell me, my dear Kataro-san, when will you be ready to work on Celestial Moon again?”
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Episode 4: Your Selfish Pride…

“What? You’re working on the show again, Kitayama-san?” Tamari asked me. I couldn’t answer. I was still stuck on what Ami had said. “What do you mean when will I be ready? I don’t plan to ever be ready.” Ami gave me a sad look. “So, you just lied to all of your fans out there? Well, it wouldn’t be the first time…” The bitch… Always acting so smug and smart. She must have sensed my anger, because she said that she was kidding fairly quickly. “Look Kitayama-san, I thought you said that you would want to finish the series if you could.” I couldn’t argue with her. I did say that. I didn’t really mean it, but I did say it… “Yeah,” I said slowly. “Well,” Ami continued, “why are you acting like you don’t want to?”
“Because I don’t want to,” I retorted.
“No, it’s ok. If the problem is with Legend, then don’t worry. I gave rights to the show to ADV Films.”
“You’re kidding? You got ADV to buy Celestial Moon?” I was in total shock. Ami tried to get the big name companies to make a push for her anime, Bandai, 4Kids, even Aniplex. Out of all of them, she liked the idea of putting her anime in front of ADV Films or FUNimation. They both didn’t think Celestial Moon would sell that well. I thought it was funny how ADV Films would make a push for the anime after it did so well. I personally would have told them to fuck off and watch me make my money, but then again Legend wasn’t the best place to expand the show and Ami wasn’t getting as much money as she could have with those cheap bastards. “So what is your pay?” I know it wasn’t my place to ask, but what the hell… “300 million yen!” she shouted. “Are you serious?” Tamari asked excited. “If I’m lying, then God strike me down right now,” Ami reply. I looked up to the ceiling, waiting for the lightening. “Go to hell,” she told me. “I’ll meet you there,” I replied with a fake smile. The banter was just like old times. Tamari always thought we were joking. And I guess we mostly were...

“Okay, enough joking around,” Ami injected, “we need to figure out what we are going to do with this anime.” “Oh, that’s right,” Tamari sidelined. Okay, I know I get pissed off a lot, but come on… I have my reasons. “Wait a damn second! I never said I was going to…”
“You did say you’re willing to help finish the show,” she interrupted.
“But I said that to be…”
“So you were lying to all of those people?”
“I wasn’t lying…”
“So you’ll do the show?”
“But I don’t want to…”
“You got all of those people to forgive you with promises of at least finishing the anime, and now you’re going to break their hearts again?”
“Damn it all, you’re the one who made me promise all that crap!”
“But you’re the one who said it all, Kitayama-san.” I looked over to the table and saw a pen. I wondered if anyone would blame me if I stabbed this girl in the eye… Like always, Tamari could feel hostility. “Hey, did you guys remember?,” she entered, “We’re supposed to be going out to lunch. So let’s go before Kitayama-san has to go back to the store.” Ami and I looked over to her and then at each other again. I sighed. It’s not that big of a deal to me. I mean, as long as I didn’t have to be a series voice actress. I liked my job. I liked my low profile. I didn’t want fame but finishing the series is something I always regretted not doing. But the fact that Ami asked those questions and made it seem that I was committing to the show again… it really… well… irritated me. I just now started to use my Thesaurus.

Back at the café. All three of us sat at the same table we always do; the table right by the door near the front window. Tamari ordered some sushi. Ami ordered a burger and fries. I just got some coffee. I wasn’t really hungry because I ate before and after the conference. “Okay,” I started, “Are you really so desperate that you had to act like a reporter, asking leading questions that made it seem as if I was the one begging to come back?” She looked at me with her puppy dog eyes. I hated that. “I know, I know. I was wrong and I apologize for that, but if I hadn’t have done what I did, you would have never at least thought of coming back.” Checkmate. She had a point. “Look, I didn’t mean for the crowd to make it that big of a deal. I just wanted to see if you would at least work of the rest of the show and make the movie.” Yeah… I kinda got that… “Come on, Isoka, you know that you wanted to at least finish it. Why do you think I quit the deal with Legend, took legal rights of my anime again, and moved to America, selling it to ADV and releasing it in the states?”
“Because you wanted to make more money and with ad revenues in America, you could easily make millions of American dollars more than you could here,” I said bluntly.
“Do you really think that that is the only reason I did any of that?” she asked me seriously.
“Yes,” I said candidly. Amanda…or Ami, whatever… was just like that, only focused on the better things in life. Sure, she was an okay friend but to her, money trumps friendship. I can respect that to a point, but still. “Isoka… please don’t be that way,” Tamari pleaded. She always had a way of making me feel apologetic about what I’ve done. “Okay,” I told her. I turned to Ami. “Okay, say I wanted to come back. Why are you trying to get me back and not a more famous voice actress?” “It’s simple,” she said, “No one in Japan with a brainstem would like the anime if the main character doesn’t sound the same. You have something inside of you that’s so pure yet so raw and you reflect that in your work. Your voice has that… I don’t know… ‘Kataro Magic’.” What word should I use for such a masterful speech, a grand flattering of my person? What should I have said to something like that? “That…was… pathetic …” That seemed about right. “Kitayama-san!” yelled Tamari. “I know,” Ami laughed. “But I’m serious. I really think that after all this time, only one person can play the role of Kataro.” Wow… she was being sincere. “I have to go to the little girl’s room,” Ami announced and then made her way across café to the restrooms.

“You should do it, you know,” Tamari suddenly proclaimed. “You too, Itawamba-san?”
“I think you should do it if not for the fans, then for yourself.”
“Really now? And why do you think that?”
“It was your dream. Will you allow your selfish pride to ruin your second chance to claim your dream?”
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..
...
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I really didn’t have an answer for that…
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Episode 5: A Second Chance…

I always thought I was selfish. But I only thought I was that way because I hurt so many people, people who believed in me, only to find my “happiness”. I never thought my stance of never going back was equally as selfish. Well, I didn’t until Tamari told me. It did seem self-centered and egotistical the way I was going on about it. Sure, I didn’t want to do the show and it was Ami that made it seem that way to the fans, but I could have set the record straight then and there. I was so mad at myself for hurting my fans and now that I have a way of make it up to them, I don’t want to? When I think of it that way, it makes me sound like a bitch… “What would I be sacrificing if I don’t do it?” I asked Tamari. “Happiness,” she replied.
“Happiness… I’ve been on a quest to find that for years and haven’t found it yet. What makes you think that going back to hiding behind a fake anime girl is going to make me happy?” I really wanted to know. I sat there, hoping she would tell me just how returning to the job that made me like this in the first place is going to help me find the elusive obstacle I have known all my adult life as exhilaration, pleasure, and ecstasy. I wondered how she could justify telling me that this of all things is what I needed to do…

“Everything deserves a second chance.”

As I sat there, staring in disbelief while she stared back in defiance, I let the cliché she uttered linger and began to understand it. I could see that she wanted me to do this. Ami wanted me to do this. Hell, to a degree, I wanted to do this. “What the fuck… I’ll do it,” I heard myself say. It couldn’t be helped. I guess it really was fate like I said. That same bit of providence and destiny I was telling the fans about… me and my big mouth… I knew for a fact that I didn’t have the fire I once had, the passion… the “Kataro Magic” as Ami so fondly calls it. “I’m so happy for you,” Tamari said, hugging me which infuriated me because it broke my train of thought.

Ami, who was probably fixing her makeup only the way she can, came out of the restroom after what seemed like hours later. It surprised me that I didn’t just run before she got back. Maybe it was because Tamari would cry or something, making me feel guilty, and forcing me to come back and wait. I really hated that. “Okay,” Ami said as she was sitting down. “What did I miss?” “Kitayama-san agreed to do the show!” Tamari exclaimed. “Really?” Ami asked me. And this is when I would have to lay out some ground rules. “Yes, but on my terms. I don’t want to be made to be a big name voice actress. I just want to finish the production and the movie, that’s it. So don’t try and sign me on for another project behind my back.” I stopped to let that sink in. Tamari looked confused as she normally does when Ami and I talk business. She’s the kind of person that goes for the end results, not the details. Ami understood and nodded. “I also,” I added, “want to voice Kataro the way I want to voice her.” Kataro was always too perfect, too cheerful for me. I knew Ami (and the fans for that matter) would hear nothing of me adding a little darkness to this sweet hero of the people. I didn’t want to change her that much either. If I added darkness to the light, then Kataro would really become me. I didn’t want that. So mainly, I was joking, seeing what Ami would say about it. She was too shocked to say anything, which made my laugh. I guess the shock was from me asking her to change something within her masterpiece. “I’m joking, Amanda,” I said laughing.

I waved goodbye to Tamari and walked back to the store in full costume. I had to get dressed in the restroom. It was embarrassing walking in the middle of a café dressed like that, but I needed the costume with me in case I ran late. Ami, of course, was following me. She couldn’t wait to tell the fans of her anime that they would get new episodes; that she got the original voice back, that all is well in the anime kingdom. I, on the other hand, only thought it was a long day made longer by all of this. I politely reminded myself that I oh so had to kick Nagato’s ass for setting all of this up… “I can’t wait to tell all of them that we worked out a deal,” she said happily. A frown appeared on my face. It’s not that I didn’t want the fans to know, but it just didn’t seem like good story plot. Anime Daze always lasts three days starting on Friday and ending on Sunday. “Maybe we should wait on telling everyone,” I said. She gave me a weird look. I knew she was confused. She could never follow my logic. “Look,” I continued, “if you tell them about it now then they have no reason to come back to The ‘O’.” She seemed to have started getting it. “Oh, so you mean I should make it a bigger deal to keep the people on edge?” That was not what I was saying, but it was close. At least she was thinking…
“Yep. Tell them that you’re working out a deal and you’re offering a new contract to me for the new episodes of Celestial Moon. On Saturday, say you got a deal worked out with ADV and the contract looks good. Then on Sunday, right before the Daze ends, you tell them all that I’ve signed a contract to work on the show again.” Ami had a shocked grin on her face. It was a total “Amanda Idea”, having the people sitting on the edge of their seats waiting for the next twist in the road. I didn’t really care about all of that. I still liked working at the store and something like this would increase sales dramatically. “That’s a great idea!” she exclaimed.
“I knew you’d like something like that.”
“I didn’t know you were so much like me, Isoka.”
“Well, maybe you’ve been in America too long and forgot what I’m like.”
“No no… You were never like this back then. Sure, you were unhappy, but before you snapped, you were always… well… delicate.” I do remember that. I was more gentle, undemanding and fragile, scared. “I guess I worked all of that crap out of my system,” I said with a smile.

What a day. I’ve never worked so hard. The crowd erupted when Ami told them the news. They all came to the store; buying things for me to sign that didn’t even have anything to do with the anime, asking me questions about the show since Ami refused to answer them. The fans expected that from the grand director. I really didn’t answer their questions either. I was good at making something that has absolutely nothing to do with the question seem like an intelligent answer. Still, it was going to be a long three days…
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Episode 6: Within The Shadows… (Tamari’s Episode)

I didn’t think it was about the show. The true key to Isoka’s sadness is that she thinks that she cannot be loved. I personally don’t think it makes much sense. How can a girl loved by millions feel so unloved? To be fair, I never had to go through anything like that, so it’s not like I can judge…

The final day of the Daze was, I thought, a good thing for Kitayama-san. The last time of making up stories about the rumors, trying to answer questions she couldn’t answer, and dealing with weird and whacked out fanboys. I thought she’d be happy. Key word, thought. Again, I knew what she was in for, so I understood why she was so upset. “Wakey wakey, eggies and bakie!!!” I called as I opened the bedroom door of my roommate. She didn’t respond. This normally happened and I as always was prepared for it. I hid a small bottle of water somewhere in her room whenever she was away from the house. She hated it when I splashed her awake, but it got the job done. I reached into the bottom shelf of her bedroom wardrobe. It was where she put random things that she liked at the time that she wanted to keep. I never got the point of it all; every year she throws it all away anyways… I was shocked to find that I couldn’t find it. Damn… she had to have had found the bottle, knew what I was planning to do with it, and put it in a different location. I grinned. Whenever she had something to hide from me, she would use the pantsu bit… Come on, I thought. I knew that if she wanted to conceal the bottle, it would be in her pantsu shelf. I guess she thought that I would never touch something like that. Ha! She thought I was more innocent than I really was. Hell, I’d stolen some of them from time to time. I opened the shelf and surprise, I was right. I grabbed the bottle of water and opened the top, tossing the water into Isoka’s face. As always, she woke in shock. “What the fuck???” she exclaimed, looking confused and dazed. I just smiled at her and tilted my head. “Good morning to you too, Kitayama-san.”

As Isoka got herself ready to go to work, I went back to exercising. I normally walk around town at this early hour. I like the city of Tokyo at dawn. It wasn’t too quiet yet not too noisy. I felt as if the city was mine if just for a few hours. It was relaxing to me. I was careful this time; I remembered to bring my keys with me. I normally would forget my keys and lock myself out. Isoka would have left for the store before I got back, so I would have to walk to the store and ask for her keys, unlock the door, find my keys, then walk back to Omega Anime to give the keys back to Isoka. Then I would walk back to the apartment with my keys in hand. Isoka would tell me I did it without thinking because I love being more fit and flexible than her. Honestly, it was just one of my “Tamarisms”, or things that I seem to always do. So today made me smile a little more just by remembering my keys. I know I’m a klutz but I love it when I do something right.

It was warm that morning. I love the warmth, so I loved the fact that summer was so close. I also loved the fact that summer break was coming up. Thank you, makers of school for such a vacation! I didn’t really have any plans for the summer or anything and it wasn’t like I had many options in where I was going to go, but with Isoka taking the anime job again, something fun had to happen, right? I continued my walk, not really knowing why I wanted to walk in the first place. I would just work out when I got home for about an hour then eat junk food all day, so what was the point? I guess I just started doing this because it eased my mind. Maybe I did it so I didn’t have to see Isoka leave for the day. How the hell should I know? Not even I can tell what is happening in my mind sometimes… At the end of my walk, I got to the house and smiling, placed my key into the lock and turned… and turned… Aw shit… The door wouldn’t open! I pulled the keys out of the lock and looked at them. So much for feeling smart for once… it was the keys to the safe in the house, not the keys for the door... How the hell did I manage to get the wrong pair of keys? I had no choice but to walk to the store and ask Isoka for her keys…

“How can I be so stupid,” I asked myself out loud, “Why must I always…” As much as it pains me to have to amend this, I didn’t get to finish my statement. I had slipped on a rock, diving head first into a fresh mud pit. Unlike the other girls, however, I loved it when something like that happened. It made me laugh and made me forget about the keys. I was a little more happy-go-lucky than Ami or Isoka. I guess that’s why I’m the overall happiest. I got up, wiped myself off a little, and kept walking. When I got to the store, it confused me that neither Nagato nor Isoka were there. The doors were locked. I peeked into the windows. “Now where could they have gone? The store opens in an hour,” I said to myself. “They went to the TV Tokyo station for an early press release,” a voice from behind me said. I slowly turned to face the person that was talking to me. The look on my face went from fear to shock, to confusion and finally to disbelief. It was a guy dressed up in a weirdly colored suit (red coat, yellow shirt, blue pants) with an afro and sunglasses drinking a RC Cola. He was clearly Japanese…maybe he was cosplaying? “Um… thank you, mister…” I was a little stunned by the appearance. “Oh, where are my manners?” the man started. “My name is Mister Pepper. Dr. Mister Pepper.” That had to be a fake name, I thought. I would never say that to his face… “That has to be a fake name,” I said without thinking. I know I’m a little off… He laughed. “I assure you that that is my real name. I’m the president of ADV Films.” “I didn’t ask you that and it seems out of place in the storyline,” I said with an innocent face. What can I say, even though I knew no one was watching me, I loved to pretend they were. I also found it funny when I talked to the pretend audience in my mind, breaking the fourth wall, but to a normal person, I just said something very weird and then laughed at it, even if it wasn’t funny. “Ok…” he said. “So,” I started again, blushing, “Where is Isoka again?” “She’s at TBS,” he replied, “I can take you there if you want. I’m going there anyway.”
“Thank you!”
“Not a problem.”
“So, how are we going to get there?” He didn’t answer. He looked around, I guess to see if anyone was near…
“<Would you like to get a bite to eat after you meet Isoka? I know a great place for breakfast.>” I looked at him like I was an idiot. He was speaking English. Of all of my friends (Ami could speak English fluently, Isoka could speak English, Spanish, and Latin fluently), I spoke English the worst. I was still in high school and English was my worst subject. I tried my hardest to try and remember words that I’d learned in the class… I heard the words you…bite, I think… and Isoka. I bite Isoka? “Why would I bite Kitayama-san?” I asked him, “She’s my best friend.” He laughed, leading me to belief that he didn’t say that. “<So will you?>”
Ok, that sounded like a question… I just didn’t know what the heck he said. I nodded slowly, looking dumbfounded. “Great,” he said, “then let us go to see Isoka.” “Yeah,” I said, still confused and smiling. I wonder what it was he asked me to do… I guess I’ll just have to stay within the shadows with this one… “<You know, you look cute when you’re clueless.>” I had no clue what he said, but the way he said it made me blush. “<In Japan talk like please,>” I said, hoping I had said please speak in Japanese in English. By the way he was laughing; I think I messed up, making me blush more. I need to learn how to speak English, I thought. True, I never even thought about speaking English until Dr. Pepper… What was it about this guy? “Oh,” I remembered, “I need to get some Pepsi for Isoka.” Dr. Pepper just stared at me as we walked.
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Episode 7 coming soon!