The Truth About Me

I was molested by my stepfather for over two years, and I kept it a secret all that time. Why did I keep it a secret? Because a.) So many of my mother's relationships had failed, and I thought that if she never knew, she could finally be happy. I didn't want to hurt her by telling her. I couldn't stand the guilt. b.)My stepfather was a very powerful man, and I feared for my life. c.)I figured that if I didn't tell, he would just stop on his own. (Stupid, yes, I know.) d.) I didn't think that anyone would ever believe me!
Sure, it sounds like your typical abuse story, but it is way more fucked up than that!

In 2000, I told my boyfriend, Kyle (who i mentioned in my posts when I used the blog name katherineemanos) He coaxed me into telling my mother, which I did. At the time that I told her, Kevin (my stepfather) was at a friend's house. Instead of calling the cops right away, my mother called Kevin. Which, of course, he hurried home, when she said that she was calling the cops.

I knew that he would get there way before the police, so I called Kyle, kept him on the phone, and brought a steaknife into the bedroom with me. I hid the phone and the knife behind me. My stepfather walked in and innocently asked what was wrong. He tried to hug me. I put the knife to his throat and told him that I would gut him alive if he continued to touch me. Scared, he backed off.

Kevin was arrested, and we were forced to move out. A few days before trial, my mother told me that he was offering me $5,000 if I would say that it never happened when we went to court. (Yes, she was still talking to the fuckhead!) I could see it in her eyes.... she didn't want to believe it. I figured that it would be best to just tell her what she wanted to hear. So, I said..."No. It never happened. He never raped me. It was all a lie." I also repeated that in court, and charges were dropped.

I wasn't too keen on the idea of moving back in with him, but by this time, my sister had moved out and in with my grandparents, and my thoughts were somewhere along the lines of "He almost went to prison, and he had to spend thousands of dollars paying his attorney. There's no way that he is going to be stupid enough to do it again!"

Of course, as always, I was wrong. He did do it again. In fact, he resumed the same schedule of sick, sadistic, incestuous, molestation that he practiced on me before. And, now, it didn't matter what I'd say. There was no way that anyone would ever believe me. I had fucked up my only chance to put him away.

Things took quite a turn in the April of 2002 or 2003, somewhere around there. I had been at the local skating rink with friends, as I always did on friday nights, and my stepdad had returned from his vacation (alone) to Las Vegas. (Yes, I know that it is quite unusual for a husband to take a vacation to las vegas without his wife.) When my mother picked me up, I could tell that she was obviously upset. She said that she found a tape (video cam type) behind the seat of his truck, and that she was sure that he videotaped himself fucking some whore on there.

So, we pulled over, and she turned on the camcorder. Kevin WAS with a woman on the tape, who looked quite young. My mother struggled to get a good look at who the woman might be, but I on the other hand, already knew who it was. The SICK FUCK had taped all the times that he molested me! I didn't know what to say. The words just slipped out of my mouth...."Oh my God. That's me."

My mother freaked out and started cussing at me. She called me a whore and a slut, not allowing me to explain. She called Kevin and told him that she was going to call the cops. I figured, this is good. We are away from him, so he can't hurt us. I was shocked and frightened when my mother dropped me off at the house alone with him, while she ran off with the tape to show her friend, Lisa.

I should have ran away, but stupidly, I walked into the house where he was. As soon as I walked through the door, he approached me. "Why didn't you get rid of the tape?!" I was appalled. "What the fuck are you talking about you sick fuck? I didn't know that you taped it you stupid mother fucker!" He looked very sad (trying to be manipulative as usual) "Well, you can either help me out, or save yourself." "Save myself?! I didn't have sex with you willingly." I screamed. With that, he walked out of the room. The cops showed up that night and arrested him. My mother, angry with me (for only god knows why) told them to take me to a shelter.

I was stuck in a children's shelter for a week. Sure, a week doesn't seem like too long, but in that situation, it felt like forever. I was lonely, sad, angry, my emotions were in knots. I don't know why, but I wanted to go home. I would have rather been there with a mother who didn't give two shits about me, rather than be stuck in a shelter.

The court claimed that they WOULD NOT allow me to live with my mother again, because of her alcohol and drug abuse. So, I was released to live with Lisa, a family friend.

Lisa told me that I should be home-schooled, rather than facing the emberassment at school, but I was stubborn, and eager to see my friends, and for life to go back to normal. Noelle, who was Kevin's daughter (who never lived with us) went to the same school I did.

While we were in the cafeteria, she approached me, calling me a whore, and a slut, and a nasty bitch. I simply told her that she did not know what she was talking about, and that I wanted her to just leave me alone. What did she do? She beat the hell out of me. I didn't raise a fist. I just took it.

Finally, someone pulled her off of me, and took her to the principal's office. My so-called friends didn't so much as stick up for me. Our school had a strict policy on fighting. If someone trys to beat you up, you have to just take it. You can't even block their punches, or you will be expelled.

Angry with my so-called friends, I stormed out of the cafeteria with tears in my eyes, and headed to the principal's office to call my mother. When I sat down in the office to wait on the principal, Noelle walked out of the office. She didn't say a word to me. Blood was pouring out of my mouth, and the entire left side of my face was swollen black and blue.

Some of Noelle's friends tried saying that I had fought back, and the counselor, who has no authority, whatsoever, stormed in and told me that I was expelled. The principal told her to shut up and leave. When my mother picked me up, I shot a middle finger out the window, and never returned to that hellhole again.

After about a week or two of living with lisa, and my mother dropping by, picking me up, and forcing me to go to his house with her, two women from DHS showed up and shipped me off to another shelter. I spent about a week there, and was shipped to a foster home.

Shortly after that, my father got custody, and I moved to Texas to live with him. I can honestly say That situation sucked as well! However, out of respect, I will not comment on the matter.

My stepfather is currently serving close to 40 years in a federal prison and my mother is serving 19 years in a state prison.

For those of you who have been a victim of sexual abuse. I know that it's hard, and I know that it may feel like the end of the world, but hold on! Things will get better. And, always remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! There are so many people just like you out there!