What Provokes These Outbursts of Rage?

Coffee Shop

The boy from the coffee shop called my new haircut ugly.
I gave him a nice fat lip, and said,
"Now who's ugly?"

Revenge is fun.

Taking Dog for a Walk

The squirrel ran up the tree quickly.
Fifi wanted to chase after it,
which was inconvenient because I was planning on a leisurely stroll.
She began to move, so I extinguished my cigarette in her eye.
Her paws still work fine, though.

Calisthenics

I was watching Luke exercise.
Arms up and down, and so forth.
I decided: You look like a fool.
I grabbed his balls and probably made them purple.
Fuck you, Luke.

Shopping

The GAP had a sale yesterday,
though the prices were not reduced enough.
I had my eye on an orange sweater and I wanted to steal it.
Instead I left it alone and dislocated the manager's jaw.

I'll buy it next time, I guess.

PTA Meeting

I knew some of the other parents
because my daughter was friends with their kids.
Stacy told me it was my turn to bring the coffee.
"Where's the coffee?" she asked.
I followed her to the bathroom and locked the door.
I then cut off her hand with a coping saw.

Where's the coffee now?