The Night Janitor

The Night Janitor

My name is Darren Sims and I’m what most people would call a simple, ordinary guy.

I’m five foot, ten inches tall which is just tall enough to not be short but not tall enough to be, well tall.  I’m not fat or skinny just somewhere in between.  My arms are muscled but I could lose a couple of inches around the mid-section.

As for looks, nobody is going to confuse me for Brad Pitt but most women would say I’m handsome in a plain sort of way. My hair is a chestnut brown color and I like to keep it short and neat.  I’ve tried to grow it out at times but it just ends up curly.  I like my ears lobes.  I had a girl friend once that liked to nibble on them when she was feeling frisky so I guess they are the right size.  My lips are kind of thin but that hasn’t really hampered me in any way.  My nose is a little long but at least it’s thin without being narrow and fairly straight.

I think I’m a relatively smart person.  In high school I was solid “B” student but that’s really because I never applied myself.  I’m probably what my parent’s generation would term a slacker but then again I’m not some guy that sits around playing video games all day, drinking Mountain Dew.  I did complete two years of college but we’ll get to that a little later as it does have a bearing on where my life is now.

I’m twenty nine years old and I live in a small town in central New York.  For those of you not really familiar with the area, that would be West of Albany and South of Buffalo.  I work as the night janitor as the Wal-mart Super store in town.  I’m sure you’re thinking that it’s a crap job and normally I’d be inclined to agree with you but at this point in my life it suits me really well.

As you can probably see, I’m a pretty normal guy living an ordinary and from appearances, plain life with one minor wrinkle, I’m a Vampire. Now I’m sure this is the part where you say, Darren, that can’t be, Vampires are just imaginary.  You must be delusional.  I’m not delusional and I’m not some chubby, goth kid playing a live action role-playing game. 

I’ll look in a mirror.  Yeah those are fangs alright.. 

First myth to dispel, I can look in a mirror.  Vampires cast reflections just like everyone else.  That hogwash about not casting reflections only applies to Bram Stoker novels and the five million movies that have been spawned by his rather narrow and might I add, inaccurate view of my kind.
I’m sure the first question you are asking is how did I come to be a vampire?  Well, that is a long and truth be told, not that interesting story. It’s because of my hormones.  No.  I don’t mean that my hormones turned me into a vampire.  I’m referring to the hormones that override your better judgment and get you into all types of trouble.  Mine got me “turned” into a vampire.

To back up a little, I’ve always been a bit of a loner.  I didn’t have a ton of friends growing up, something that saddened Mr. and Mrs. Sims (my parents) who were a bunch of social butterflies.  I think I’ve always been a bit awkward socially.  Not inept, just kind of uncomfortable around people.

After high school, I went away to college as most kids do.  I think my parents expected me to break out of my “shell” being away from home and on my own.  “Try to make some friends” my mom had said.  I guess had they known the shell I was going to break out of they might have made me go to community college, but I digress.

I spent my freshman year of college in a double with this black kid from Newark, New Jersey named Malik Whitmore.  He wasn’t a bad guy or anything aside from referring to me as “my generic white roommate” to his other friends.  We didn’t hate each other and it had nothing to do with him being black or me being white, we were just very different and it didn’t always make for the best living conditions.

That year taught me that I was better off living alone which is exactly what I did my sophomore year; also coincidently the last year I spent in college.  This probably contributed to where I am now.  I spent that year essentially alone.  I rarely mingled with the other people on my floor and aside from lab partners and the study groups I participated in, I was by myself most of the time.

My only “social foray” was when I’d go out to this bar, the “Coach Light Tavern,” alone as usual, which in hind sight, was probably not the best idea.  It wasn’t a campus favorite some nights being frequented more by townies than co-eds.  That’s where I met Chandra.  That’s the name she was using at the time. 

Another thing I will mention is for obvious reasons; we vampires seldom use our real names.  My real name is Darren Sims but nobody knows me by that name.  Everyone knows me as Brice, Brice Baxter to be exact.  I know it sounds fake and that’s probably because it was the name on the fake I.D from college I used to get into the Coach Light.

Chandra was amazing.  I’d never met a girl like her.  She was captivating with her long black hair and pale, white skin that would glisten in the shabby, filtered light of the bar.  Her body was young and athletic but ample and erotic at the same time.  She was aloof which I think was what really drew me to her.  I realize now that it was just a game she played to draw me in as you would draw a moth to a flame.  The entire year we played this cat and mouse chase. 

It was almost the end of the year and I had given up on her when she approached me.  She acted all drunk and giddy as most college girls usually do.  Being the end of the semester, I thought she was just coming over to wish me a nice summer or some type of farewell you politely give to an acquaintance.  She gave me this big hug and started rambling about how glad she was to see me and she liked me all year but was too embarrassed to say anything.  We spent a few minutes in conversation and next thing I know she is nibbling on my ear asking me to take her back to my room.

I just couldn’t believe this incredible looking woman wanted me.  Darren Sims who had always been average in all regards was now about to go home with the hottest girl I’d ever laid eyes on.  I looked at her as what I wanted in a woman.  As I’ve come to realize, she looked at me as a light snack.

We went back to my room and the rest is history.  We made love all night like I’d never done in my life.  Chandra was the greatest lover in the history of the world at least from my limited experience.  In actuality, I’d only done it one time before and that was with the girl that lived next door to me in high school.  She was heavy set and not overly attractive.  Neither one of us knew what we were doing but at that age, a lay is a lay not that any of this is really relevant.

Its not so much that she was this magnificent lover, she probably isn’t that great because sex is really just an act for a vampire.  Sure we can get aroused but the plumbing doesn’t really work down there if you know what I mean.  The exhilaration is from the draining of blood.  Don’t ask me why, but the act causes a euphoric feeling more so for the victim, but also for the vampire.  If I had to list my preferred ways to die, I’d probably list being drained by a vampire right below dying in my sleep after having sex with Jessica Alba.

After about the fourth time I passed out, probably more from the blood loss than exertion.  I woke up the next day with a sore neck and a severe allergy to sunlight. 

Speaking of allergies, those are the next myths to dispel.  Vampires have weaknesses like anyone else.  Our aversion to sunlight is real and prolonged exposure to light will kill a vampire faster than anything else.  We are not allergic to garlic; in fact I’ve always enjoyed the smell.  Running water does nothing to us.  If you saw the crap I had to clean up in Wal-Mart, you’d want to take a shower too.

Crosses don’t bother us nor do any other religious icons.  I was raised as a Catholic.  I still say my prayers every day and wear the crucifix my parents gave me on my first confirmation. See, no scars or blisters.  Against popular belief, we don’t have to be invited into a house to enter.  Many of us still have manners and we just find it rude to go into someone’s house uninvited.

Wooden stakes don’t have any special significance however puncturing our heart does.  We need blood to survive and aside from exposure to sunlight, a sure fire way to kill a vampire is to bleed him of all of his blood.

Silver isn’t deadly to us but there is something in its chemical composition that acts as an irritant. Nothing can send a vampire into anaphylactic shock faster than a nice dose of silver.

While I digress, I might as well explain how someone becomes a vampire.  We are not cursed by God or the tools of Satan. As I’ve already mentioned, I’m a Catholic and the big J.C. is one of my favorite people. We are also not some undead plague upon humanity.  In fact, we are pretty rare for reasons that should be obvious. 

Vampirism is nothing more than, drum roll please, a viral condition.  Yes, that’s correct, we are people that have been infected by a virus.  This specific virus is a very rare and hardy strain that  is only carried through the blood and can only be caught by direct co-mingling of blood from an infected person. Casual contact doesn’t do anything.  Outside of a blood transfusion the only way for a person to become infected is to have a vampire drain them of a good portion of their blood and then return it with some of their own.

The virus takes hold of the body very quickly and aside from the heart, which beats at a much reduced rate and our brain, most of our metabolic functions slow to a crawl.  That’s why people assume we are dead.  We do not require the same level of oxygen and in reality I could probably hold my breath for an hour if I choose to.  We can eat and I quite enjoy a good meal occasionally but it is not required to survive.  Our digestive system is altered so we can’t really eat or drink much and most vampires that even bother to eat, end up yacking afterwards.

The one thing that the virus requires and also the reason for our bad reputation is blood.  I read a paper once by some vampire that had been a biologist in his former life.  The paper didn’t make a lot of sense to me but in essence, the virus metabolizes blood the way most people metabolize carbohydrates and fat.  Our bodies no longer produce blood or at least not at a rate that would allow us to remain active so a vampire must ingest blood the way you would ingest a Big Mac.

That’s why a stake through the heart works well.  Deprive us of the blood and the virus can’t survive.  Without the virus we can’t survive.

Now that you’ve had your lesson in Vampirism 101, we can get back to the regularly scheduled program.

I’m not sure why Chandra didn’t leave me to die and decided to “turn” me instead.  Maybe she was lonely or maybe she sensed a kindred spirit in me?  Maybe it was just because she was a flake?  In hindsight, I think it was definitely the third choice.  When I woke up she was gone and there was a cryptic message written in what I thought was blood but turned out to just be red lipstick.

She told me to meet her at the Coach Light that night and not to go out in the day time. She would explain every thing to me.  It seemed odd at the time but I was feeling really sick.  I thought the bite marks on my neck were just because she was kinky not because she was a blood sucker.

I waited for night to arrive so I could go and have my fateful meeting with the woman of my dreams who unfortunately turned out to be the woman of my nightmares.  For some reason, I just knew not to go out during the day time.  It’s probably some defense mechanism in the virus.  I think ultra violet light is lethal to the virus and it must pass on that knowledge at a subconscious level to its host.  Maybe it is just a life time of bad B-movies I’ve watched.

I met Chandra wholly expecting her to tell me she had some type of communicable disease and I’d need to go to the college clinic for shot in the ass of penicillin.  When she asked how I felt and if I was hungry, I thought she was about to order some wings and a pitcher of beer.  Instead she suggested Italian.  Her idea of Italian cuisine was a junior from Long Island named Joey.

The last thing I was expecting was for her to tell me she was a vampire and now so was I.  I was floored.  I didn’t know whether to laugh at her or to call the men with the straight jackets to take her away.  There was something in her face that told me she was serious and then she told me to follow her outside.

Poor Joey never knew what hit him.  I guess that’s another reason never to get really drunk and wander alone from your friends.  Pick pockets and muggers are the least of your worries.  I was revolted but a hunger welled up inside of me that I couldn’t resist.

I’ve never really cared for the taste of human blood, which I’m sure you can imagine is complicated for a vampire.  To say I hate the taste is actually a misnomer.  It’s probably all the baggage that goes along with it. 

I detest the act of taking blood.  I’m not sure I can truly rationalize why I hate it.  I’m sure my Catholic upbringing has something to do with it.  “Though shalt not kill” the good book says.  .  To take blood is to kill.  Vampires do not take a little blood and leave the victim dazed and woozy as some books or movies might make you believe.  Vampires are apex predators and we drink till all that remains of our prey is an empty husk.  Maybe I just like to think I’m still a good person and better than some of the other vampires out there who have no regard for life?  Unfortunately, I’m still driven by needs and desires like any other vampire. 

Aside from the killing part, when you take blood, you open up a pathway or what some call a psychic bond with the victim.  To drain the blood is to take a piece of that person into you.  To take blood is to also share a part of your own soul and I’ve always been a closed door when it comes to my emotions.

My first night of being one of the undead was unsettling to say the least.  I’d barely have known that there were vampires let alone that I was now one of them.  No more than fifteen minutes into my new life and I was already party to a murder.  I’m someone that always stayed out of trouble.  I think the worst thing I’d ever done up to that point was maybe had an overdue library book.  This was certainly much worse than that.

Chandra was old school.  She loved playing up at being a vampire.  It wasn’t just the clothing or the way she wore her hair.  She reveled at being a hunter.  I remember watching in horror as she toyed with that kid.  Her normal routine as I would come to learn would be to stalk her victim until he or sometimes she was in a panic.  After finally cornering her victim she would play with them like a cat plays with a mouse before devouring it.

I was repulsed but at the same time the smell of the blood was intoxicating.  Chandra ripped open his neck and then gave me that knowing look almost saying “you’re going to enjoy this.” Before I knew what has happening, I had sprouted a pair of four inch fangs and was greedily lapping away at the huge gash in the poor kid’s neck.  The experience was unnerving but the thirst is overpowering and I was a slave to it.

When the realization had hit of what I had just done, my mind went numb.  My only thought was to flee but where does a Vampire go?  I guess in that state all I could think of was the old Bella Lugosi movies and being that there were no castles in the vicinity, I headed for the local graveyard.

I could hear Chandra laughing as I arrived.  There she was, perched on top of a headstone like a raven haired gargoyle. 

“How cute,” she mused in a baby voice, mocking me for my ignorance.  “the little vamp wants his coffin.”

It was then that I realized that everything I had known about vampires was just a big myth.  Vampires don’t retire into the earth to sleep the sleep of the dead.  We do not all live in aged Victorian mansions or mountain top castles.  That only happens in Anne Rice novels.  Just like any other regular person, most vampires live in houses or apartments or even condos.  I actually own a small house in town.  It isn’t much, but it’s mine.

We also don’t sleep in coffins.  Well, I actually do know a few, but they are just freaks.  I own a king size sleep number bed.  You know the bed that lets you dial up how firm you want the mattress to b?  Very comfortable!  I’d recommend it to anyone.

Chandra took me back to her place.  It was on the edge of town and had been owned by an old couple that had apparently passed away.  She had been living there for a few months and nobody seemed to notice that the couple wasn’t around anymore.

Over the next few weeks, Chandra acquainted me with what it meant to be a vampire.  There was no great vampire society shaping events from behind the scenes or any great cover up by the government to hide the truth from people.  There weren’t any vampire hunters scouring the country side looking to rid the world of our kind.  At least not now there weren’t.  Maybe in the middle ages there were but for the most part outside of books and movies, the general populace had no clue we existed.

Most vampires live in the big cities.  It is easier to blend in and being creatures of the night, most cities have somewhat of a thriving night life.  The larger populations also make it easier to hide our kills.  One death in a city of a few million doesn’t draw that much attention. 

Each city usually only has a handful of vampires at any one time.  For example, New York City only has around thirty or so spread through out the five boroughs.  As I’ve mentioned, we are predators and predators are very territorial for good reason.  Most of us are quite reasonable and with so few of us there are seldom any border disputes.

In general, vampires also do not socialize with other vampires for good reason.  A lot of pasty looking people in Eurotrash clothing tend to draw attention.  At best you will see two vampires together (ala Chandra and me).  At heart we are solitary creatures which might be why the lifestyle suites me.

Chandra had always been a drifter, never staying in one place for more than six months or so at a time so it wasn’t long before she had us moving.  It was probably for the best anyway. 

I didn’t know how I could tell my parents.  After all it wasn’t like I had gotten arrested for buying a dime bag or been kicked out of school.  How do you call and say “hi Mom, by the way I’m a vampire so I won’t be coming home for break this summer?”  Even though I knew it would torture my parents, I decided (in actuality WE really decided) that it would be best to just disappear without a word.  It’s one of the things I regret most about my life, never being able to talk to my parents and let them know I’m not dead (completely).

I knew my parents would leave no stone unturned so pretty soon, there were missing persons posters all over campus and town and police were out looking for me, asking questions.  The town was getting a little too hot and we needed to leave.

We moved around from place to place for a while, never settling anywhere too long.  Like I’ve said, I’m an outsider but I’ve always been a grounded person and the life of a gypsy didn’t suit me.  It wasn’t long before Chandra and I weren’t getting along.  The years had shown me that she was just like any other person, flawed and ultimately human.  What had drawn me to her originally eventually started to fade.  We had our good times and we got into our share of adventures which I’ll save for another time but I realized it was time that Chandra and I parted ways. The bond between a sire and their progeny is always strong and there will always be a part of me that loves her but for both our sakes, I simply left.

That’s how I got to where I am today, living in a small town in upstate New York.  It’s like the town I grew up in so it was the next best thing to home.  People are friendly but they also mind their own business which is exactly what I wanted.

My job might not be the most glamorous but the hours suit me and I can work alone without having to worry about using my break time to make a snack out of my co-workers.  They don’t ask questions and the pay isn’t bad for this part of the state.  It’s almost four A.M. and it’s almost quitting time so I’ll have to cut this story short.

I’ll be heading home soon to have dinner with my wife.  Yes I’m married.  Her name is Janet and she’s a vampire too.  She works for the local blood bank.  It’s funny how they’re always a little short on blood.

The End