Time to show the world

Prologue

Believe it or not, my life ain't easy/ I trust I'm not the only one, but I know from a first count view that life sucks. There are many things that pulls people apart from each other and mind happens to be within me. I never understood what, but as i went in my search I found what I was missing. Now I understand it all.
People call me insane. Am I really insane? Or am I just weird in your views. I couldn't care less. I'm just her to tell you that life may be tough and you strive to live on, but those of us who are suicidal can tell you how we think and how we survive long enough to plot a death.
For me, I am no longer alone. I'm on my way, and let tell you its not easy either.

Chapter One

No one calls me Cilla any more. It's just not what they think fits my nature. Let me tell you, they are wrong.Cilla fits my suicidal nature. it fits my Gothic life, but they don't see that. Now tell me what do you think.
My life was never normal. It was lived in pain and sorrow. It caused great despair and yet it was comfortable. I barely know what happiness is. People say its where you laugh and play and smile all the time. I don't know how to cmile. Is that a problem? No
My problem is I am Bipolar and ISD. I have many problems living with those mental problems. On top of it, I love abuse. Its what I deserve.
Every time I think upon my life, I wonder how I came to be what I am to day. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't stare at these scars and wish I wasn't in placement. Times seem to come in such a fashion that when I begin to feel angry, I have no reason, yet I can't help but feel it.
People wonder about suicide and self-mutilation. Its really just an act for different reasons, depending on the self-harmer. But in truth it varies in me. I do it because I like abuse. I do it because of anger and depression. I do in hopes I can die. It never happens and it saddens me. But my time will come.