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Rated: 13+ · Novella · Comedy · #1387461
Invasion called off due to lack of interest.
Court ruling: as per section 3, paragraph a, period 5, english, revised edition as of 4th quarter sophomore year, RPJesus must now pay 10,000 dollars royalty to liDven nAlel, the insane fan who bought the patent, each time the name Hesocarnetsderlighugged is used in his stories until a total fee of infinity billion dollars has been payed. There will also be an initial fee of 40,000 dollars, 30,000 for the first three uses of the name and 10,000 for the nonexistant medical bills and mental anguish incurred by spending more than a half hour with a lawyer.

The Creation of Time, part 2: the Devastating Reckoning of Rapturous Appocalyptic Armageddon Doom.
By RPJesus, who shall be telling this story in a darkened room to avoid being identified.

As Bob(tm) lunged towards Zingo(tm), Hesocarnetsderlighugged (50,000$) cast firaga, promptly burning Bob(tm) to death in the most painful and anticlimactic way possible. However, Bob(tm) was one of the two main villains so he miraculously rose from death and summarily tore into Zingo(tm) with his razor sharp teeth but Zingo(tm) never died or felt pain, as he was the main character. This exchange of Bob(tm) being killed and rising to attack Zingo(tm) continued for several days. After the third day, Zingo(tm) and... that genie dude (55,000$) what the hell!? you can't charge me for that! I never said Hesocarnetsderlighugged (60,000 and my childhood friend, Jimmy). oh hohohoho! You're a sneaky one! tricking me into saying Hesocarnetsderlighugged (70,000 and my childhood friend, Jimmy) like that.......DAMMIT! but anyway, Zingo(tm) and Hesocarnetsderlighugged (80,000 and my childhood friend, Jimmy) were approaching the lair of Garblkoxiqweterf, lord of the red horned, silver haired, flat footed, black eyed,(section missing) sharp tailed demon tribe of the northern mountains of Carcium(tm RPJesus and my cat, Chubbles(don't ask. I was drunk and he tricked me.)) and were very tired, as they got no sleep due to Bob(tm)'s constant assaults. Upon hearing Zingo(tm) comment on this, Bob(tm) made a riddiculously arrogant quip about the undead never tiring, but that was his fatal mistake as (section missing) (99,855,820,759,286,327,038,263,636,697,832,759,835,778,566,578,263,589,629,000$, my childhood friend, Jimmy, and the last chicken in existance except for the other five million.) and after Bob(tm)'s head blew up, Zingo(tm) and Hesocarnetsderlighugged (99,855,820,759,286,327,038,263,636,697,832,759,835,778,566,578,263,589,630,000$, my childhood friend, Jimmy, and the last chicken in existance except for the other five million.) entered the lair of Garblkoxiqweterf, lord of the red horned, silver haired, flat footed, black eyed,(section missing) sharp tailed demon tribe of the northern mountains of Carcium(tm RPJesus and my cat, Chubbles(don't ask. I was drunk and he tricked me.)) and saw..... an army of commuvampiwolombnazpiraninjasaur(patent still pending) politicians. They quickly besieged Zingo(tm) and Hesocarnetsderlighugged (99,855,820,759,286,327,038,263,636,697,832,759,835,778,566,578,263,589,640,000$, my childhood friend, Jimmy, and the last chicken in existance except for the other five million.) with millions of flyers and tried to drive them insane with endless comercials of doom. Luckily, Zingo(tm) used the power of continuity to obtain the brown onion he recieved in the first story to keep the politicians (note: to save space, I only refered to the most terrifying part of the army's description.) at bay while Hesocarnetsderlighugged(99,855,820,759,286,327,038,263,636,697,832,759,835,778,566,578,263,589,650,000$, my childhood friend, Jimmy, and the last chicken in existance except for the other five million.)
finished them off with a bitchin' guitar solo, as everyone knows that commuvampiwolombnazpiraninjasaur(patent still pending) politicians can't stand the screech of a guitar. And so, Zingo(tm) and Hesocarnetsderlighugged (99,855,820,759,286,327,038,263,636,697,832,759,835,778,566,578,263,589,660,000$, my childhood friend, Jimmy, and the last chicken in existance except for the other five million.)
were face to face with Garblkoxiqweterf, lord of the red horned, silver haired, flat footed, black eyed,(section missing) sharp tailed demon tribe of the northern mountains of Carcium(tm RPJesus and my cat, Chubbles(don't ask. I was drunk and he tricked me.)). Zingo charged and used (camera zooms in on face, lens flare) THE TORMENT, OF 1000 POKINGS! (lightning flash in background) and, several hours later, Garblkoxiqweterf, lord of the red horned, silver haired, flat footed, black eyed,(section missing) sharp tailed demon tribe of the northern mountains of Carcium(tm RPJesus and my cat, Chubbles(don't ask. I was drunk and he tricked me.)) fell backward into the lava that he apparently kept in his throne room, endangering himself, and every one around him, just to look eviller. As Zingo(tm) turned around, Garblkoxiqweterf, lord of the red horned, silver haired, flat footed, black eyed,(section missing) sharp tailed demon tribe of the northern mountains of Carcium(tm RPJesus and my cat, Chubbles(don't ask. I was drunk and he tricked me.)) rose out of the lava that all known, unknown, and philisophical science proves should have killed him and launched a fireball, that he just in the past minute gained the ability to do, at Zingo(tm), (pause again or dramatic effect) and it was blocked by Hesocarnetsderlighugged (99,855,820,759,286,327,038,263,636,697,832,759,835,778,566,578,263,589,670,000$, my childhood friend, Jimmy, and the last chicken in existance except for the other five million.), who was instantly killed in the blast because I can't afford anymore royalties. Zingo(tm) then became royally pissed, and thus far more powerful, at the death of his friend, despite the fact that Zingo(tm) had actually tried to kill him himself a few times. At this point everything except Zingo(tm) was replaced for a few minutes with light bluish electricity while he went through a needlessly long transformation for such a riddiculously small effect and Zingo(tm) used hopping seal cat doken to obliterate Garblkoxiqweterf, lord of the red horned, silver haired, flat footed, black eyed,(section missing) sharp tailed demon tribe of the northern mountains of Carcium(tm RPJesus and my cat, Chubbles(don't ask. I was drunk and he tricked me.)) once and for all. Afterwards, the omnipresent, non-denominational, maker of all (patent denied) appeared and offered to warp Zingo(tm) home. "Wait," Zingo said, speaking for the first time in his life (which makes it important, even though he was capable of speaking before, and everyone damn well knew it) "Are you saying you could have simply slain Garblkoxiqweterf, lord of the red horned, silver haired, flat footed, black eyed,(section missing) sharp tailed demon tribe of the northern mountains of Carcium(tm RPJesus and my cat, Chubbles(don't ask. I was drunk and he tricked me.)) long ago without anyone lifting a finger?" "Well technically yes, but some one needed to weaken him first, which you did well, the omnipresent, non-denominational, maker of all (patent pending again) replied via osmosis. As such, Zingo(tm) was mollified. "Fine," he said, "Send me back home then." "All right, then, just click your heels together three times, and... walk through that door on your right. It's the same door that leads to your friend, Efajef Enb's 'expensive furnace'." This was the last words spoken by the omnipresent, non-denominational, maker of all (patent obtained though stabbity means), since, to the best of Zingo(tm)'s memory, he then "'fell down some stairs' and was incinerated by the lava at the bottom of them." And thus world peace was brought about again, this time for good, since Zingo(tm) used RPJesus brand crazy glue to hold it in place. (For reassembling peace, or peaces, nothing beats RPJesus brand crazy glue. RPJesus, Insert catchy jingle .)
The End
P.S.
Time was also created for some reason, and it is still cursed at to this day for being the biggest flake imaginable and always running out on people, leaving them with 3 kids and no job.
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