Sticky and Shopping Cart McGee

         One day, a long, long time ago, before the time of mail bombs, there was a little boy named Sticky. Now, he wasn’t called this because he was naturally sticky, he was called Sticky because of the fact that he was naturally sticky. So he was cruisin’ on his Big Wheel one day, and came across a Zellers parking lot. He saw many cars and mounds of snow, even though it was July, and just passed by because it reminded him of that one time when his dad told him not to climb mounds of snow in parking lots, but he did anyway and then his boot got stuck and he had to be rescued. He cruised a little more and found a Wal-Mart. A big kid named Franko came up to him and stole his Big Wheel, but he didn’t care because he got it for free on junk day and it smelled like mini-donuts and nacho cheese. He also found a new muse: Shopping Cart McGee. It was love at first ride, and although that may sound dirtier than it is, I don’t think you can get much dirtier than boning a shopping cart, which is what Sticky did. A security guard came along after Sticky finished up, and Sticky just whistled and twiddled his sticky, right-after-doin’-it fingers. The security guard eyed him a little, but decided that just because there was a weird little boy acting nonchalant beside a shopping cart covered in goo, it doesn’t mean that anything fishy was going on. Sticky was unsure of what to do. Does he conceal his love and only keep it for Wal-Mart time? Or does he take home his new lover? He decided that he would sleep on it, and see what the outcome of that was.
         The next day, after horrific night terrors about caterpillars who jitter all over the floor next to thousand-year old talking cockroaches, Sticky knew what he had to do. He went back to the Wal-Mart, found Shopping Cart McGee, and left the store. He slowly wheeled him out of the parking lot, but before he could dive into the forest and make rabid love to SC McGee, the security guard appeared. He just appeared at the front of the store. Appeared. He and Sticky had a bit of a stare-down before Sticky jumped on the back of McGee and started pushing. The security guard ran after him but fell down, swearing and shooting a gun he had but wasn’t allowed to have because he’s a felon for shootin’ people too much. How he was out of jail and working I do not know. Sticky reached the forest and bounded in, Shopping Cart McGee landing on top of him. Sticky silently waited for 32 hours and he finally realized that the security guard had stripped down naked and shot himself in the foot, then being visited by a guy who traded a gospel tape for the gun and ran-off, becoming a janitor. Sticky grabbed his foot, because SC McGee had landed on it and it popped off of his ankle, and poked at the gangrene that had appeared in the day and a little bit that he’d been laying in that pile of dead leaves and owl pellets. Shopping Cart McGee then rusted and fell apart within a matter of seconds while Sticky watched. Sticky couldn’t bear to live without McGee, so he died. He didn’t die of a broken heart, like most people think, it was because of the gangrene.