My Boring Life

January 5, 2008

Today, my great-grandpa died. I haven't seen him in years and I begged my mom to take me with her when she left. But she couldn't. I'm the one that knew him the most out of us four kids. He wasn't very healthy. He was diabetic and he had a fake leg. I wish I could have seen him one last time. My parents have been gone for two days and Mom's friend Amanda has been watching us. My little brothers cried last night. They miss Mom and Dad. At least they're coming home today. I hate seeing them cry. I ended up crying too. I'm such a big baby.

My sister has been a snot the whole time. Arguing with Amanda every second of the day. It's so annoying. I don't want to start anything by yelling at them both. Amanda is 22 and she's acting like a 10 year old arguing with my little sister. And here they go again. Skye just wanted to put on some shoes and Amanda yelled at her. Ugh! Will they shut up for crying out loud.

When Amanda's here at our house when Mom and Dad are gone, it feels like it's not even our house. I'm tired of everything. I've been taking care of everyone since they've been gone. Amanda hasn't done a goddamn thing the whole entire time except for fighting with Skye and my brothers. My brothers are only 6 and 8 and Skye is only 11. I feel like the adult when I'm supposed to be a kid. It's always been that way, but not like this. I wish I could escape...


January 6, 2008

Mom and Dad are home, thank God. I told her everything. Then she flipped out on me for complaining and promised that she would never have Amanda babysit again.

The house is a mess (again). We just cleaned it yesterday. I don't want to clean anymore. Amanda had us clean the house the whole time Mom and Dad were gone. I'm exhausted. I could have slept in today, but I don't feel good. I was running a fever yesterday but it's gone now.

I think we're just going to be lazy today. Mom is still very upset about grandpa. I just can't believe he's gone. He was strong though. This was the only thing that he couldn't live through. There wasn't exactly anything wrong with him. He just couldn't live anymore. I wish I could have seen him one last time. He was a funny man. Last year, he too grandma out to get Christmas pictures taken. They weren't even smiling. In the picture, they were both just standing there holding hands with their lips in a thin line. I laugh just thinking about it.

Amanda came over today. Mom didn't say anything to her. It made me mad but I couldn't say anything because I knew I would have gotten into trouble.

Amanda has a border collie dog. He's about a year old. Well, Amanda took us to see him just the other day. She had told me that she bought a shock collar for him but she said she only used the beeper part. She was dumb enough to think that I didn't see her shock that dog. I almost slapped her across the face for lying to me. I think that shock collars should be against the law. I don't care how well it makes a dog act, it's a cruel thing to do.

Well, anyway, I was playing fetch with Cash and Amanda was standing there watching me. I told him to drop the ball and he would do it. I heard Amanda press the beeper but Cash still wouldn't let go. Then Cash's whole body shook and he yelped and jumped back. I acted like I didn't see her do it and let it go. But then she kept on doing it. I ignored her until Mom and Dad got home.

Mom is cleaning the house right now. I don't know why she even bothers. I think she's just doing it to get her mind off of grandpa.

My stupid cat is in heat and she's grossing me out. I can't wait until we get her fixed in February. 'Meow meow meow meow.' Ugh! She is so annoying. Oh well. Mom keeps on saying she's going to throw her out the back door. I say 'go ahead' but she doesn't do it. She gives me shit whenever I say I want to get rid of China because supposedly I'm the one that want to keep her. Actually, I wanted a dog, but my little sister begged me to keep the cat instead. So now, I have a stupid cat that only eats sleeps and meows and tries to hump anyone who's near her. I can't wait until we move so that I can have all the dogs I want.

I hate being home-schooled. I'm stuck with my family 24/7 and don't get to date boys or have any friends. At least I graduate at sixteen and go off to college. Mom doesn't want me to go to college. Too bad. I'm going. I want to be a veterinarian but that takes too many years of college so I'm going to be a veterinary assistant. Three more years! When I'm eighteen, I'm leaving and never coming back. I know, that's kind of harsh, but I don't want my mom talking me into being a Jehovah's Witness. To make it more simple, I don't want to be like my mom and have a miserable life. Well, I gotta go. The evil little sister is back up and I don't want her reading this.

Continued...

I'm really really bored right now. No one to talk to anywhere. So, I'm going to talk about my boring self.

What I look like:

Dark brown wavy hair with blond highlights, down to the middle of my back. Tan skin. Brown eyes. Not thin but not fat either. Oval shaped face. Can't think of anything else. Boring right?

How I act:

Shy if I don't know someone. If I know someone, then I'm just there to listen. I wait until I get to know someone before judging them. I don't think looks matter. I'm VERY mean to people that are any bit abusive to their pets. Very nice to people that just let me pet their pets. I know. Go ahead and say it. I'm a freak. I already know that. I get along more with animals than humans.

What I hate more than anything else in the world:

Feet. Mom says that's how she'll be able to tell if I'm in love with someone, I'll touch his feet. lol.

Worst enemy:

Jessica Fetters and Kennedy Fowler

Best friend:

Don't have any friends.


I just realized that I should have said all of this before I created this journal. Oh well. At least I had something to do. I better get going now. Maybe someone e-mailed me back. Yes, I e-mail random people I don't know for something to do. I'm dumb like that.


January 8, 2008

I'm sick today. But it's a weird kind of sick. It's like flu sick, but something weird with it. I almost think outloud. And that's bad. I don't think good things.

Yesterday, I found out that we're not moving. I was pissed. But I didn't say anything. I just sat staring into space. It's normal for me. I'm used to bad news. That's why I don't freak out about it.

When my mom broke the news to me, I realized that my dad doesn't agree with most of the things my mom decides. He just follows along with it. Heres some examples: My mom wants me to become a Jehovah's Witness, and my dad doesn't agree with that. He never told me, but you can tell. My mom wants me to be a pioneer for the rest of my life and I want to go to college. My dad is on my side. He said that he was going to talk to mom a about letting me. My mom wanted us to be homeschooled. My dad let her, but he doesn't like it.

See, my dad doesn't exactly act like the 'man of the house' like he's supposed to. He never makes a decision. It's always mom. It's annoying and I get so angry because of it. I know it's not my business, but it can still bug me, right?

When I go to college, I'm never coming back home. I don't want to be reminded of what it was like living here. A lot of people may think that I'm exagerating a little bit. I realize that most people have lives worse than mine, but I still hate it. I'll come back to see my dad and my brothers and sister, but not my mom. It's harsh I know, but you should try living with a mother that screams a yells every second of the day. She reads my journal and then blows up on me for it which is just fucking retarded because she's the one that tells me to write in my journal. She knows I'm depressed all the time and she knows that it's her fault, but she tries to deny it. She can't face the truth. She couldn't even face it when I ran away. I didn't want to move, be homeschooled, or be forced into a religion that I don't believe in. Like most other religions, this one is just so that people can have something to believe in. I'm sorry religious people! Really, but I'm just not religious.

I have to go. My mom is thinking about looking over my shoulder. Bye!


January 9, 2008

Mom is at Amanda's doing laundry today. The house is quiet without her here. I don't have to worry about her screaming and yelling at me to get off of the computer or her reading this over my shoulder. I hate it when she does that.

What I was saying yesterday about the journal thing, I forget to say that it's better for me to have a journal thing on Writing.com. Mom can't come on here and read it like she can just go into my room and read mine.

Before I was home-schooled, my best friend Tia and I had a notebook that we passed back and forth. I would write a letter to her in it one day, and she the next. Well, now that I'm home-schooled, I can't talk to her anymore. When my mom was packing for when she was going to see grandpa, she found that notebook. She read all of the letters. She never brought it up, but she had ripped the pages out and put it on her desk. It said a lot of mean things about her in there. I didn't know if I was more mad at her for snooping through my stuff, or me from writing those horrible things. When I started this online journal/blog type thing, I was shaking because I thought she would be able to find it.

I didn't mean anything bad about that religious thing yesterday. I went back and read it and I sound like a mean bitch. I'm not really. I'm never mean to people. Well, only people that abuse animals. And my family.

Mom just called. I think Dad has to leave now. Yey! Home alone! Actually, not yey. I'll have to do school. No I won't. I don't know.

China (my cat) is a turd. She comes up to me and sits down next to me and kept on sniffing my leg. She did that for like 10 min. and finally I just pushed her away.

You may ask why I talk so meanly about China. Or why I act like I don't love her when she's MY cat. The truth is, I do love her. She acts just like my cat Stuart. Stuart was taken away from me because I'm not allowed to have pets in this apartment. Stuart came to me for everything. He would wake me up in the middle of the night for food or slept next to me. When ever I coughed in my sleep, he would paw at my face until I woke up to see if I was OK. And when I cried, he would bite the tip of my nose very gently to make me laugh. But then he was taken away from me. I cried for three days straight. I didn't leave my room. I didn't eat or drink anything for a long time. My mom was mad. But I didn't care. I wanted my baby back.

So that's why I try not to get too attached to China. I love her very much, but not too much.

January 11, 2008

China is laying on my lap right now. She's so cute. I'm sick again. And I thought I was over it yesterday because I was feeling fine. I was so sick that I actually took a nap. Wow. That also isn't normal for me.

I think China was worried is worried about me. When I went in my room to lay down, she kept on shoving her face in mine and licking me. And then she laid on my back and her purring helped me fall asleep. She's been following me around since then. Laying on my lap whenever I sit down.

I was so pissed off at my mom earlier. She let China out on the back porch. She said she was exploring the back porch and when she looked back out and she was gone. She knew I would get mad so she left the back door open to see if she would come back while I was doing my school work. I didn't even know until Amanda comes in from the back porch and says, "Why was she outside?" And mom spilled. She said she was outside for about an hour. Now thanks to Mom China's probably pregnant. Great!

Speaking of Amanda, she told her husband last night that she wanted a divorce. Yey! I've been waiting for her to do that. Her husband is a fat lazy ass bastard that cheats on Amanda any chance he gets. He just went off and had sex with some woman yesterday. I hate him. He's always commenting on how 'cute I look'. It's disgusting. And he really is fat and lazy. He's almost three hundred pounds.

Amanda's going to stay at her grandparent's house for about a week and make some money by working on their farm and then she's planning on moving in with us. She's going to have to share a room with me and Skye. Yey! We get to move our room around again! (I was being sarcastic. Last time we moved our room around it took three days to get everything in order.) There's this twin bed in the paper that Amanda might be able to get. We can't fit a bigger bed in our room. Unless she got a bigger bed and just slept in the living room. I think she should stay in our room. It's fun. She's twenty-two years old and she acts my age. We talk about boys the whole night. She has a crush on this dude named John from my church. He's in his twenties or thirties. And I have a crush on a guy named Johnathan in my church who's fourteen. So, Amanda and I have this plan to both have a husband named John. Weird right?

I always say mean things about Amanda. She's mean sometimes, but she has a good side. I have to go. Dad's telling us to go to bed. Bye! I hate to leave but, I got to. Byebye!!!!!!!!!!