Dream Like State of Mind

I lie here attempting to ponder something wonderful before my consciousness fades out into a dream world--uncontrolled by my true thoughts and feelings.

It is a struggle to fall asleep--when all I want to do is drift off into another world.

My heartbeat has a disturbing nearly sickening rythmic beat, the sound thumps up and down making my chest literally ache.

The famous Poe poem comes to mind when I hear the drumming of my heart.

Am I going crazy?

I try to somehow mentally get to a "good" place.

Butterflies, Love, Money.....anything.

But butterflies flutter away, love gets old over time, and money does not bring happiness.

I close my eyes.

I don't try to think of anything.

I let my mind do what comes naturally.. I let it wonder

I fall into the fluffy white clouds, I can see my life before me.

I am smiling.

I feel an unfamiliar emotion overcoming me.

Happiness.

I must be asleep, I am dreaming.