Hansel and gretels little red beanstalk

Back in the day there was a boy named Jack.
He was poor as could be, that’s a fact
Then one day his mother got a cow.
She told him to (clear throat) “Go now.”
“Go to the town and get some stuff.”
“Fine,” he pouted with a huff.
He took the cow and then set off,
And met a guy named Charlie Charbocof
“I’ll buy that cow from you for two magic beans,
So it won’t get stolen by some pesky teens.”
“Ok,” he said and then walked back,
The beans in his pocket going clack, clack, clack.
He saw his mom working outside,
When she saw him she almost died.
“Lookie mother, look what I’ve got.
Some magic beans to plant in a pot”
“What have you done?” she asked with a pout
“You stupid boy, there is a drought.”

50 years later they were all dead,
Lying coldly in their eternal bed.
The house had been sold,
To a family bold.
They had two kids, one boy, and one girl;
The house had made them want to hurl.
The boy was Hans, the girl was Gret,
And boy what an adventure they would get.

It rained one day, long and hard,
As a very large beanstalk grew in their yard.
Once the rain stopped, the kids ran outside.
The big, green beanstalk couldn’t hide.
Those kids, they didn’t think at all
About the fact that they could fall
But up they climbed, up higher and higher
Until soon they began to tire.
Then they saw a heavenly sight
And they couldn’t help but take a bite.
They gave each other a helping hand,
For they had discovered Candy Land.

For days and days, they ate and ate.
They never would approach the gate
The gate that led straight down to Earth
And into someone’s lovely hearth
But as they ate they also grew
Mmmm, they would taste great in stew.
The clouds caved in with Gret’s every move
And also with Hans’ every groove.
The situation was very grave;
Maybe now the kids would learn to behave.
As they tumbled and rolled
So the story is told.
The clouds would shake
But still they ate.

Down below the farmers told
“Soon every house here will be sold”
The people looked up and trembled with fear
“Something horrid is coming near.”
All of their signs pointed to bad.
All of the children were oh so sad.
Not only were they not let out,
But there was also a wolf about.

The Big Bad Wolfie came and went
Collecting all the piggies’ rent.
Until one house would not pay up,
“Okay that’s it. I’ve had enough.”
The wolfie took his dynamite,
And also grabbed some candle light
If those 3 piggies wouldn’t pay,
Their house would be blown into next May.
He strode through the woods, his head held high.
The trees would shake as he walked by
Nobody could have ever guessed,
What on Earth would happen next.

All the people got out of bed.
Every person turned his or her head.
Yo Big Bad Wolf; forget the rent.
Look up in the sky; it’s Hans and Gret.
The sky opened up as they fell down.
On the bright side, they had finally been found.
Everyone gasped as they covered the sun,
Well that just totally sucked out the fun.
Nobody was there to warn the wolf
Nobody was there when he was pummeled to pulp.
Now Hans and the wolf, they were both dead;
The piggies laughed, Hans had landed on his head,
But their lives were also cut short
When Gret made their house her landing port
Everyone cheered.
The skies had finally cleared
As the Big Bad Wolf, 3 piggies, Hans and Gret
Had finally arrived to their appointment with Death.

A few years later, a girl named Red
Decided to get out of bed.
To go outside, to run away
Oh yes, she thought, today’s the day.
She went outside and climbed the stalk.
Her door, she had forgot to lock
Up she climbed, up and off.
On looked Charlie Charbocof
“Up she goes, the little hen.
And so our story starts again.”

THE END