My thoughts about Death

"DEATH" ...What do the majority of people living in the civilized world
think of when that word is brought to the forefront of their consciousness?

Actually, there are some societies which do not shudder and quake at the thought of "death" but on the whole, I do not know of a single individual who does not initially approach the death or approaching death of a family member, with anything but tears and sorrow.

Why do we approach death so negatively? I believe it is largely because that is how our society has trained us to react to it.

Now, don't get me wrong. It is perfectly normal, and even necessary for us to grieve when the loss of a loved one occurs. But I truly believe we deny ourselves the very salve that will help us to deal with that loss, if we look only at the negatives.


A Hospice Story

Several years ago I worked as a CNA (nursing assistant) in the Hospice unit of my local hospital. One elderly gentlemen was now in a coma and it was evident his death would likely occur before morning.

The man's wife faithfully stayed by his bedside, holding his hand and crying. She could not bear to see her partner of 40+ years leave this earth. I could empathize with her and tried to spend a little extra time in that room on each round I made to "be there" for her.

Shortly before 10 p.m. it became evident the elderly man would be taking his final breaths within the hour. Knowing that hearing is the last sense to leave before a person dies, I quickly urged his wife that the time was near, saying "Go talk to him now if you'd like. He can still hear you." Lost in her grief, however, the last thing he heard from her only made his departure that much harder. "Oh my love, I don't know how I can live without you!" How much easier it would have been for her husband to have heard her encourage, "It's ok, I'm going to miss you terribly but I'm happy you are going to a better place and in time, we'll be together again."

My heart sunk, knowing this dear man heard the sadness his wife expressed, but could not respond to her.


Planning Ahead

One thing which can reduce the amount of grief we experience at the loss of our loved ones, is simple planning ahead.

         a. Always end each visit with them by saying the three little words that carry the most weight...I LOVE YOU.

         b. Reminisce about precious memories you have of them from times past. (A funny incident; a touching story; etc.)

         c. Talk, Talk and Talk! After a loved one has passed is no time to begin wondering how to settle their affairs. Being open and honest while wishes are able to be shared, can eliminate much heartache and questions of "What do I do now?"


Live Each Day...

Both in my personal life and in my previous experiences as a nursing assistant, I have had a number of occasions to deal with death.

My earliest experience with death came as a child, when my beloved dog, a Boxer named Bruno, died of throat cancer when I was six years old. He had been our first pet and he was completely devoted to me. I cried for days.

As the years passed, Bruno's death was followed by several school friends who lost their lives in accidents; my grandparents; a nephew; an aunt, and, perhaps most painfully, my mother and father.

When my parents were both in failing health, I discussed their wishes with them on many occasions, wanting to make sure they were as happy as possible. It was during the long period that they were both incapable of caring for themselves that I chose a new motto for my life. "Live each day as if it is my last!" While sadness did pervade my life in the weeks following their departure from this life, (first my mom followed by my father about four months later), I was thankful to have an overwhelming peace at knowing I had been there for them.