How It Is

Inside of me lurks a shadow of misery, and every now and then I feel it swell within me.  It brings me down it lets me up then knocks me down again. It shows me all those painful things that will be and have been.
A lady once told me to turn to God in the heavenly skies that he would answer my prayers and happiness would arrive.  My young child mind faithfully believed it all true, even loved the idea of a god that created us and watched over us too. 
Only after years did I realize I'd been deceived.  See I prayed and I prayed and expressed my TRUE love, but that help I desperately needed and need still today, never arrived from our loving God above.
The darkness in me feeds off this and all your other fucking lies. Each time it comes back it has more power and is bigger in size.  If you look real close you can see it behind my eyes.  At times it's even believable that I am its disguise.
You treat me like shit and you fear me too, all because I don't dress and feel like you do.  All of you turned my soul black because society never cut me any slack.
Now on the inside I am dieing and on the outside I am crying, and all of you are still lieing. 
Even though happiness is in my sight still with you and my shadow I must fight.  Battles are always going, never slowing, always showing, thoughts constantly flowing.  All the time knowing where everyones going.  We're going to die, thats not a lie.