There Are Things That I Still Hide

I'm killing myself just so that I can hide from you,
All that I am, all that I do.
Why is it that I always end up the fool,
Just because I want to be in love with you?

These pages from my book have been torn.
Remembering them hurts like a thorn.
Regressing these events doesn't make me feel reborn.
These memories I will never mourn.

Now that you are in my life
I don't suffer any strife.
Winning doesn't require any dice.
Yet putting you through this makes me feel like I'm covered in mice.

There are things I tell no more,
And its not because I don't want to be a bore.
Yet even for you I can't tell them for.
Because thinking of them makes me sore.

Is it right that there is something I won't say?
I look at you and lie every single day.
I can't explain to you all of my ways.
You leaving me seems to be in delay.

I'm killing myself just so that I can hide from you,
All that I am, all that I do.
Why is it that I always end up the fool,
Just because I want to be in love with you?

Why do I not want you to leave?
Why do I not want you to see?
Is there anything else I can be?
Anything else you want from me?

When I look at you I don't feel sad.
When I look at you I won't get mad.
I just end up like the trash.
When you're away I always crash.

I keep each new smile in my head.
When you smile I turn red.
I think only of you when I lay in bed.
If I keep this up I may end up dead.

The feelings you give me make me soar.
When with you I am never poor.
This is a love deserving of lore.
Yet this life makes me want to roar.

I'm killing myself just so that I can hide from you,
All that I am, all that I do.
Why do I always end up the fool,
Just because I want to be in love with you?

When you're near me I am not wiser.
When you're near me I am a lier.
When you're near me I can't feel tired.
When you're near me I feel like I'm on fire.

All the games that we play,
All the 'I love you' that we say,
All fun in so many ways,
Makes me just want to go away.

I never tell you the truth about who I am.
I never show you what I can.
I always lend the helping hand.
Yet you'll never be a part of the band.

I always show you that I care.
I always follow you anywhere.
I always put aside my fear.
After it all I always cry a tear.

Because I'm killing myself just so that I can hide from you,
All that I am, all that I do.
Why do I always end up the fool,
Just because I want to be in love with you?

When you say there is someone else,
I pick up everything I had felt,
And throw it out the window into a well.
Then you come back to the door and ring the bell.

I crawl down into that well
Pick everything up and tell you its swell.
I told you I was fine even after I fell.
All because I can't find a way to tell you

That I'm killing myself just so that I can hide from you,
All that I am, all that I do.
Why do I always end up the fool,
Just because I want to be in love with you?

The secrets that I hide,
All the times that I lied,
Every time that I had tried,
I was keeping these things inside.

Now every time you look me in the eyes
I feel like my hands are tied.
I just can't take being in the grind
And running away when I can't hide.

These things are my own secrets.
These things I want left in hidden crypts.
I hold my silences because sealed are my lips.
Yet once in a while I always slip.

Keeping these things from you in my mind
Makes me want to tell you to leave me behind
But I love you too much to say it was a waste of time
And in this way I see that I am not kind.

With each and every word I write,
I am constantly waging a fight.
Some things are only mine.
Some things I don't want others to find.

I just cover up the signs
Because I don't want my life in rewind,
Because with each and every line,
There are things that I still hide.