Adult Separation Anxiety

Adult Separation Anxiety...Is There Such A Thing?

Let me start off by saying that I am glad Cory got a job.  We have been through a lot in the time we have been together and took a huge risk quitting state jobs to move back home.  Both of us knew it wouldn't be easy, but in our hearts we knew that this was the right thing to do.  Endless hours of job searching in local papers, on the Internet, driving around looking for places to apply, temp agencies, sending resumes and completing applications.  A lead here and there, but after a few weeks we were out of options and still no interviews, let alone jobs.  So Cory applied for a truck driving job, he got hired and this is where my story really starts.

In the year and a half that we have been together there has only been one night that we haven't been together and that was because he worked a double.  I have a lot of anxiety and fears from past relationships and he may not always understand, but is very patient with me. 

So now he is waiting to get a mentor and will be on the road with him for six weeks and I keep having slight panic or anxiety attacks.  The funny thing is he hasn't even left yet and I am already not wanting to be without him.  Not knowing when I will see him again, depending on where his mentor is from and how often he comes home.  I know we will talk as often as we can and that he will be coming home to me.  This should ease my mind, right?  But it doesn't.  I am not sure why I feel this way and am searching for ways to deal with my feelings. 

In the mean time I have been searching the Internet for solutions and so far separation anxiety is mainly in children and only describes what kind of help children can get and the reasons they suffer from the anxiety.  When talking about adults they immediately start covering many other forms of anxiety, that I feel don't pertain to me.  However, I feel that as adults some of the situations we have dealt with in the past can lead to anxiety over being separated from someone that you love and spend most of your free time with.  Especially when that person is the one that showed you that love doesn't hurt and actually loves you unconditionally.

For some people I know it would be hard to imagine how an adult can suffer from something like separation anxiety.  I would have never thought someone who has never had any signs or symptoms of separation anxiety could all of a sudden develop such a fear of being alone.  I will admit that I have never liked being alone for any length of time, but I never had heart palpations or felt like my heart was racing, sick feeling in my stomach, and felt like I could cry at the drop of a hat (and I have done that a lot lately) just at the thought of him leaving for about six weeks.  I really try to hide all of that from him, then something little happens and I can't control the tears that silently roll down my cheeks that I hope he doesn't see.  At times I cry quietly into my pillow, because I am really happy for him, it is something he has wanted to do and I know when this six weeks is over that I will be on the road with him.

I know the only way to deal with this fear is to dig deep inside of myself and pull up all the good feelings.  To plan sweet and fun things for when he gets home.  I will make really good use of my time and try to not leave a lot of idle down time to just sit and dwell on the fact that he is not right here with me, because no matter how many miles there are between us he is right here with me in my heart.