We, the Band, have learned of concerns you, the Audience, have recently expressed.
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From : Slapdash Superior <IndieThought@Bongo-BoskoRecords.net> Sent : Thursday, January 18, 2027 9:32 AM To : All Concerned Subject : (none) To: Whom It May Concern, We: The musicians, Lyricists, And vocalist Of the band Slapdash Superior Formally apologize To you: Our audience of the masses, the casual listeners, the newbies, and the faithfuls We apologize We have selfishly neglected to Dutifully Faithfully and Respectfully Drop Every Single Thing We are doing To respond to every one of Tens of thousands of Letters Fan mail Hate mail Snail mail And text messages We have received Every day Of the past seven years Six months Three weeks And two days. We apologize For committing an act of appalling treachery To our faithfuls There with us from the beginning For we have moved from the clubs To self-produced albums To record deals To videos To album sales To radio airplay To becoming mainstream To playing ‘The Colfax Show’ We have moved From the dank Dilapidated Leaking Pungent Rat infested Badly wired apartment on 180 Clampett Avenue Whose rent we could only barely afford To a Tuscan condo with cable television A pool table Nice cars And running water That you can actually see though And We apologize for our treacherous crime Of changing and revamping our style Our lyrics And our melodies We have neglected to merge into other Evil Different Repugnant genes We do not glorify the needs Of our listeners We no longer play the same The same five songs That made us famous Night After night After night Tour After tour After tour We have been entangled in the gossamer Webs of modification, adaptation and alteration Instead of the steadfast, static, constant Of the album you loved us for Seven years ago And We are sorry for the following lyrics Of the following songs: ‘Ozdust in MerryWeather’ ‘Glucose Grandstand’ ‘Hart Felt’ ‘Pipers’ ‘Adamik’s Price’ We were not aware Of the vulgarity The indecency The lack of taste Or the uncomfortable feelings Some listeners had upon Sampling these pieces We were not aware The innocent ears Of the underaged And youthful Were listening To these audacious And licentious lyrics We were not aware Parental Advisory Was printed in a language Of foreign origin And too small for buyers to notice We do apologize For not being better Role models Gurus And advisors for future generations For you see, We were not aware We were now messiahs And We also apologize for Recent actions of Slapdash Superior That have come under scrutiny By all concerned I.e. That of Karew’s drinking habits That of Fiver’s adultery, divorce, and remarriage That of Cyprus’ political beliefs That of Indigo’s recent conversion to Hoodoo We should have been wiser And We will make attempts For our private lives To properly suit The audience’s personal views And will broadcast our personal lives On national television So that we may be properly judged By our wise and benevolent audience Because we should have knows Private affairs Always Always ALWAYS Come before anything as trivial As trite As insignificant As something like music That gave us our limelight To whom it may concern: We of the musical group Slapdash Superior Are deeply sorry For, We (The Band) Have not completely Satisfied Entertained Amused Or educated You (The Audience) In ways you have deemed worthy Of your massive Praise Adoration And inspiration Truly, in the future We shall try harder to cater To your expectations and whims For you (The Audience) Are infinitely Wiser Greater Kinder And are More talented More aware And are Far more Familiar With the intricacies Hidden meanings Inspirations Political natures Veiled agendas Negative conations Of our songs Than we could ever hope to be. We, the members of Slapdash Superior: Karew Salinger (AKA ‘Sal‘) Indigo Nejem (AKA ‘Indie‘) Tayla Nejem (AKA ‘So-So Jovial‘) (AKA ‘Jovi‘) Cyprus Owens (AKA ‘Cy’) Oscar Williams (AKA ‘Fiver’) Deeply and humble apologize To the audience The listeners The critics And To whomever else this may concern For We Slapdash Superior Have come To learn That Everything Concerns Everyone |