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by MelBay Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E · Other · Writing · #1306341
what i am feeling; my thought process
The cycle began during the months of my disappearing menses. I automatically jumped to the conclusion of being the Virgin Mary because I was and always will be a virgin due to my fear of touch, aphenphosmphobia.

Now, thinking what I think, this thought migrated to hypochondria.
Everyday I took my temperature, analyzed my body in search of clues to justify my pregnancy.

My next stop on the cycle was anxiety.
Anxiety was a mixture of breakdowns and hypochondria.

Following anxiety was the real symptoms of pregnancy. Dizziness, heartburn, bloating, and other common pregnancy symptoms were being displayed on my body.

I did realize at this point that intense anxiety and irrational fears could lead to the self-hypnosis of these symptoms, but recognizing the characteristics of pregnancy on my body was too much to process.

The constant anxiety lead to depression, which brought more worry because that is also a symptom of pregnancy and anxiety. It was like a one way road until you hit depression with two routes sprouting from it: anxiety or pregnancy.

After weeks of depressive behavior, my menses was stabilized, but I slowly started giving off asocial behavior, which was a symptom of depression.

Now as I finish my daily thought process, I came up with a conclusion. However, it has no meaning to me. By tomorrow my conclusion will be different, adding a new thought into this cycle, ready to be repeated over and over in my head.
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