The Great Road Race

Have you ever wondered
What would happen
If a dog and a cat
Had a road race one day?

It would be hyped up on news channels for weeks.
The biggest news story since Paris Hilton.
The newsmen would possibly get sick of the story,
But would have to broadcast because there was nothing else going on.

Everyone would buy tickets for the race.
It was a hot commodity
Because everyone would finally see who was the superior breed
The canine or the feline.

Millions of square businessmen would gather around water coolers
Fights broke out in the streets.
This was the ultimate survival of the fittest.
The battle of the domestic species.

The day of the race would finally come.
Crowds by the thousands would pile onto the race track.
Some hundred would be thrown out before the race started
Due to some inappropriate and disorderly conduct.

The dog and the cat would get into their cars,
And slowly pull up to the starting line
With their masters cheering from the sidelines.
Their brothers and sisters climbing around feet to see up close.

The snooty cat in his fancy red car would rev his engine, possibly twice
And stare down the homely dog in his beaten down brown monstrosity.
What brands the cars were they didn't know.
Because cats and dogs can't read.

The referee would go out onto the racetrack
And look at the two contenders.
He would slowly raise the green flag and lower it to signify the start.
Why? Because that is what happens in every race.

The two competitors would be off at high speeds.
The snooty cat in his red car zooming down the track
With the homely dog trudging along
Trying to wipe the dust from his face.

Grinning like a Chesire from ear to ear
The proud, snooty cat would say "I will win this race,"
While the poor, homely little dog would ram his paw down on the accelerator
Trying his hardest to catch the snooty little cat.

However the race wouldn't last long.
In fact, the cars would crash seconds after leaving the starting line.
Because what all of the stupid people in the world forgot
Is that dogs and cats can't drive.