Dear Dad

Sometimes when a person dies
You never get to say your goodbyes.
Even though we didn't have the best relationship
And you put me in ALOT of debt
I SHOULD HAVE tried harder to not be so mad.
After all YOU WERE STILL MY DAD.
I packed my things and left.
I had a father that I was DETERMINED to forget.
Six months passed before I confronted you,
And you acted like you didn't have a clue.
Your mouth SPEWED BULLSHIT AND LIES
I was FURIOUS with DESPISE!

HOW COULD A DAD DO THIS TO HIS DAUGHTER?
Honestly, why did I even bother?
Four years, ended with a "FUCK YOU!"
A legal battle, I started to pursue.
Eventually I gave up on sueing you for the loans you took out.
WHY YOU DID IT? Is all I wanted to hear about!
I just wanted you to be honest with me
And, now I'll never know because of this tragedy.

NOW none of it even matters.
NOW I do have to LIVE WITHOUT A FATHER.

When I heard of the news of your car crash
A flood of emotions came at me like a flash.
I was beyond feeling dazed and confused.
I was SHOCKED and didn't know what to do.
The news of YOUR DEATH CAME CRASHING DOWN ON ME.
I started crying and shaking uncontrollably.
I felt like a horrible daughter.
I let a year and half pass without talking to my father.
Only your closest friend knew what happened between me and you.
And she told me you just wanted me to call and say, "I love you."
You just wanted me to stop being mad,
And, I was DETERMINED TO FORGET the dad I had.

When someone close to you dies
You wish you could have said your goodbyes.
In that year and half that I let pass
I missed all the good and all the bad.
I WISH I could have seen you when your life was falling into place,
And, maybe all the bad between us would eventually been erased.

Why didn't you call me when you were sick in April?
I would have rushed to your side at the hospital.
YOU WERE GOING TO BE EVICTED and TOLD NO ONE?
You should have set your pride aside and told someone.
I didn't know you needed money that bad.
I would have helped you out in any way, Dad.
No matter what you were still my father
And, I was and always will be your daughter.

This has been a lesson this daughter won't soon forget
HOLDING A GRUDGE ISN'T WORTH THE REGRET.
Hug your loved ones every chance you get
Tell them you love them, so they'll never forget.
Because one day it might be too late.
And it's only yourself that you will hate.

I DID LOVE YOU DAD.
Not telling you is what makes me sad.