Everything in Between

She looked up and the sky and wondered where she was, and who she was.  It was an amazing sight to see a whole sky blanketed with stars above her.  They seemed to go on forever, without stopping. She felt like if she just lifted up her arms she could reach up and touch them. She knew that she had never seen the sky like this before.  Something was wrong with the picture but she couldn't put her finger on it.  Gradually other sensations began to register in her mind that she hadn't noticed while looking at the stars. 

She felt a slight chill in the air but it wasn't cold enough for her to be uncomfortable.  Just right, actually.  Actually, it was perfect!  She had only felt the perfect temperature a few times in her life and she was definitely feeling it now.  What she thought had been chilly at first was really not but just a gentle refreshing breeze blowing over her and ruffling her hair a little.

She knew that she was laying on the ground but it was amazing because it was so soft and comfortable like she was laying on a cloud or at least a large comfortable mattress with a thick pillow top on it.  She had a lot of experience laying on the ground and usually she felt something sticking into her whether it was a stick or a little lip of dirt or a rock usuall something always stuck into her to make it uncomfortable, but now there was nothing and she felt perfectly comfortable.  She thought about moving and sitting up but then decided that she was perfectly comfortable where she was and didn't want to move. 

She did, finally, make some effort and turned her head so that she wasn't looking up into the sky anymore but off to her left side.  She didn't see much of anything over that way.  Everything that she thought she saw was cloaked in shadow and she could just make out the forms.  It looked like there might be some trees over that way but she couldn't tell for sure because it was so dark.  Maybe they were actually really tall giraffes with branches in their mouths trying to look like trees.  She giggled at the mental image and then stopped suddenly wondering where the thought about the giraffes had come from. 

She hadn't really cared up until this point because it was so interesting to see all the stars in the sky and to see the giraffes camouflaged as trees, but suddenly she remembered that she didn't know where she was or who she was.  As hard as she tried to remember there was nothing.  Beyond waking up in the grass laying here she had no previous memories whatsoever.  She briefly wondered why, if she had no memory of where she was, she knew about giraffes, but since she really had no answer to that she decided to stop wondering and forget about giraffes. 

She instinctively knew that she had had a previous life but right now she couldn't remember any details at all. 

Who was she?  What was she?  She put her hand up to her face and felt all around.  She felt her eyes, nose, mouth, ears and her hair, which was long and soft.  She lifted up a lock and held it in front of her eyes but it was still to dark to make out anything.  She couldn't see what color it was.  She felt down her body and briefly noticed that she didn't have any clothes on.  She was laying in the grass somewhere, probably in the middle of someone's lawn, surrounded by giraffes in camouflage and she was naked!  She finally decided that it was time to sit up and try to determine her settings.

She tried to sit up and found out that her body wasn't responding to the command.  She could freely move her arms but not her torso.  She thought that she should be freaking out right now.  That's what the old Taylor would have done.  She suddenly remembered something - her name was Taylor.  Oh, thanks heavens, she thought to herself.  Maybe she would be able to remember everything else now.  She tried remembering her past or how she got here and nothing came.  It felt like there was a wall there.  A wall with no door she couldn't get through.  It was so frustrating because she actually felt that all the knowledge she needed was just on the other side of the wall but she just couldn't get to it.  She couldn't climb the wall or go around it or even under it.  Nothing worked. 

She lay there on the grass for a little while longer looking at the sky again.  She really felt that there was something wrong with the picture now but she still couldn't understand what it was.  Deciding that it was a waste of energy, she stopped worrying.  In fact, she stopped worrying about everything and just floated for a while letting her mind go wherever it wanted to. 

As she was floating she gradually felt the presence of others around her.  She tried to turn her head more but all she could do was look to the left and see all of the camouflaged giraffes, but she could definitely feel a presence all around her.  It was kind of scary for her in a way and she knew that she should be terrified but she still couldn't get excited about it.  It didn't matter.  She remembered a phrase from somewhere that applied to this experience.  It is what it is.  Then she remembered - Live and let live.  Don't worry about the things you can't change.  Don't worry, be happy.  They just kept coming, flooding into her mind.  It felt like the tiniest crack had opened in the fence and she was suddenly excited.  Don't count your chickens before they hatch.  The early bird gets the worm. They kept coming; she remembered that she had always hated it when people said those dumb, corny sayings. 

She willed herself to stop thinking again and finally they stopped and she started to float again. Why was she here?  Where was she?  Why did the stars look wrong?  There were just so many of them.  She started struggling to move her body again.  This time instead of giving up after the initial try she kept trying and trying and didn't give up, but she still couldn't move her torso or sit up.  What was going on? 

Gradually she became aware of a new thing.  She started feeling pain.  It was just a little at first that started in her toes.  They were tingling like there were pins and needles in them and it was kind of uncomfortable.  After a little while the tingling spread to her feet and then started traveling up her legs.  The more of her body that was tingling, the more pain she felt.  Now it was pretty uncomfortable.  Where was this pain coming from?  What was happening to her?

Finally it came up to her chest and her whole body was on fire.  She was waving her arms around because she could move them but she still couldn't move the rest of her body.  She was in agony now.  It hurt so bad that she could hardly stand it.  She opened her mouth to scream but no sound came out.  She was screaming as loud as she could in her mind.  The pain was so intense and now it was crawling up her neck and into her face.  Her mouth and lips tasted like they had just eaten several Jalapeno peppers in a row.  They really burned.  The pain was so bad that her whole body was one big giant raw nerve pulsing and pulsing with pain.  She wanted to die and stop this pain, but she couldn't do anything.  Finally she just gave up and blacked out. 

Blackness everywhere!  No pain, no pain, no pain, it was a mantra now.  No pain, no feelings of any kind, no body, no arms, legs, burning face, chest, neck. Gone, all of it gone.  She was so happy!

"TAYLOR"

"TAYLOR - WAKE UP!"

"I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME - WAKE UP!"

Taylor opened her eyes and now she knew who she was.  Now she knew everything.  Now she knew pain again.  Her whole body was wracked with pain.  She felt so much pain that it instantly brought tears to her eyes.  She looked around and through misty eyes could just make out Quentin looking down at her with concerned tear filled eyes.  He had a big smile on his face and was holding onto her hand with a viselike death grip. 

"What happened," she croaked, barely able to get the words out.

"Welcome back," he said.  "You've been dead for thirty four minutes.  Everyone else gave up on you, but I knew that you would come back to me.  I just knew it.  You're too stubborn to leave me without getting in the last word."

"You're right," she said.

"I love you, you big jerk." she shot out at him.

He didn't say anything else but just held her and knew that everything was fine now.