Frozen Time

"What do you mean, it stops time?"
"It doesn't really stop it as such, Ma'am, just slows it down to about five minutes a year. But you don't need to know that, just think of it as a silent fridge - that's how they'll be marketing it."
Janine stared at the heavy cupboard-sized machine in her kitchen. The workman jerked the door open to demonstrate,
"You need to tug the door a bit, for safety you know, like THIS".
A pale blue glow illuminated the pristine interior.
"Here, lend me your watch," he said, and he put the watch inside and pushed the door shut. It clicked. "Now, how's about a cup of tea?"

Twenty minutes and two doughnuts later he opened the machine and pulled out the watch. "See, still going, but now it's twenty minutes slow. You put cold food in, it stays cold. You put hot food in, it stays hot. A hunk of iron won't rust and strawberries stay ripe. Good luck, and let us know how you get on with it".

As Janine saw him out she caught sight of herself in the hall mirror. "If only …", she thought, and then "I wonder …".

She experimented first. A curry stayed fresh and hot for weeks, a cake kept soft and moist, bread didn't stale … and the hamster seemed happy enough. The door didn't swing closed on its own and there was no handle on the inside, but that was easily fixed with a drawer handle and some superglue. On the evening of 24th December Janine pulled out the shelves, stacked them neatly on the draining-board, stepped inside the machine and pulled the door closed. She had to tug hard to get it to click, which dislodged one of the fridge magnets on the door, leaving them to read "DO NOT DISTR*RB". Janine's little joke.

Of course, the light went out, but Janine could just see by the glow of her watch. She hadn't expected the deep, low vibration inside. "About twenty seconds should do it" - she had done the maths beforehand. And she pushed hard on the door - which didn't move. She tried again, harder. Too late she realised that you can't jerk a catch if you are moving half-a-million times slower than usual. She thought about panicking, but stopped herself when she realised John would be back from Alaska in six months.

Two minutes later the door opened.
"MUM! What are you doing in there? Are you alright? How long … Just what is this thing anyways?"
"Never mind that dear, will you just LOOK at the state of this kitchen … now I just have to call that nice man from Electrolux".

"Hello, yes fine, no problem at all … but perhaps you could fit a self-timer to it and I'm certain every woman will want one … yes, I'd be more than happy to trial it for you …".