Immodicus

Immodicus

I never wanted anyone to get into my mind, to be able to casually tell me all about myself, I didn't want anyone there to hound me every millisecond in the first place--though I had hoped for it. After all, isn't love the key to optimum happiness--arousal? Love... it makes people tick in so many ways, in ways they don't understand, in ways that pushes us normal mortals beyond our limits. It causes us to break, rebuild and reshape, take risks...to adapt in ways that many other living being weren't blessed to do.

You were a treasure that came to me, even though I wasn't really looking. A dream, I never hoped to achieve as soon as I did. An experience so close yet far, that has branded it self upon my life. When I had doubted, you came, and I felt I had to give you a chance, pushing away all of my doubts, worries and working my way around the insecurities.

With my determination, I pushed forward to make things happen. As I continue to put effort, constantly trying my hardest to keep the flames lit and when I feel it’s dying, I blow into it rescue breaths and reassure myself all is well. Once again passing an obstacle, I breathe lighter yet I stay roused, poised defensively like a suit of armor, ready to defend... for I don't want to share even the smallest part of you. At least, not the part I hold so dear.... the part of you hidden away, similar to how shadows hide many secrets.

Forgive me for being possessive, for you are my only. Nothing but gratefulness fills me when you deal with my tantrums and petty discontentment--for I am inexperienced and I am still but a learning child. You deal with me the most mature way you can, though I see you have growing up to do as well. Only on the surface is where it seems I act older, though in the harsh reality, I'm such a brat.

When I feel your skin blazing like hot coals against my own cool flesh, completely engulfing the icy barriers I place around my self and sending shivers down my spine, I think of how very fortunate I am that you are in my life. Though some may disagree, claiming me of higher worth, they don't and can't see things the way I do. They don't see you. You stayed with me through thick and thin, through those trials, which make and break lives simply and without effort as one does with a chip or cracker. You raised my spirits when I could only think of afflicting my self with mental and emotional pain. You call me beautiful and saw that beauty within me that many tend to miss. Most of all, you accept my quirky strange nature, the ditzy-ness behind the facade of a typical smart girl...all that I am. For that I can't thank you enough. There's really nothing like feeling that I have a home in someone's arms...arms that I feel would protect me from mother nature's biggest onslaught, a place I can run to and not be ashamed to shed tears, a place I can be honest and most importantly a place where I am safe from myself, being reminded of how amazing I am.

You make me feel all of this and more. You can evoke all my emotions and change it to your will; you can 'ninja' my brain, if that was your intent. No matter what, when I look back on things, I can only remember the positive, when moments felt like hours, hours like days, days like weeks.... you get the picture? Even the bad days were wonderful, because it's funny how I just suddenly see my self. It's like you mirror the way I act and then it helps me come closer to the ideal person I want to be. It leads me to closer to the future, and I see you're a vital piece. We fit each other in so many ways possible! You know what I think of when we walk together? I think of how people can see how close we are, and we come back from what threatens us because we're pretty much 'unbreakable'. They see it in our actions, with the slightest gestures, the feelings we have, all that we shared and for those really observant--they may see that invisible red ribbon of destiny with the ends tied around our pinkies, joining us as one.