i dont know

God, this isn't my time, I have more than this, God I can't be leaving now...

I could hear my name being repeated loudly over and over again, her voice raspy with fear tinted in all angles.
"Jenna!"

I lifted my left eyelid slightly to see her standing above me, the sun cast in her face making her appear as if a
shadow was standing. I opened my mouth for words to be kept inside. What could I say, it was insane to run across
the street in the first place. Me and my risk driven best friend who dropped lower to the ground.

"Jenna say something, I know you're alive you're looking at me!" she blurted.
I think her sentence went on but the pain that filled the right side of my body set in and that was the last
I could remember.

It was bright in the room, a small ticking sound to my left and I glanced down to an IV in my left arm. I couldn't
feel anything now, and was intent on staying that way. I thought about Brooke and my parents. I glanced down again
to see my right leg snug in a cast. I couldn't feel a thing yet knew something was wrong.

Brooke walked through the door with my younger sister hand in hand. Their eyes were bloodshot and Brook's tan skin was
instead as pale as it was in the sixth grade. When she noticed me staring at her she dropped kayla's hand and hurridly moved
towards me her eyes filling with tears. As she dropped down beside me she began talking softly. "Jenna, we thought
we were going to lose you. I'm so sorry I caused this." I remained staring at her unable to form words in my head. Though
it was weird because I knew what was happening I just couldn't find the strength to talk. My sister sat in one of the worn down
chairs silently. I wanted to get up and hug her, I wanted to respond to Brooke, I wanted to know what happened. My
frustation grew as my parents walked through the door.

"Oh, thank God", my mom shouted heading towards me. My dad put his arm around my sister covering his mouth with his
other hand looking at my mom to me, and back to my mom. I had no idea why this was happening. Before I could think
of it anymore I felt dizzy and closed my eyes.



I woke again, in the same room, with the same ticking noise, an IV in my arm, and the white cast holding up my leg.
What the hell is going on I pleaded in my mind. No one was around this time, though nurses passed by the door, I could
tell by their lab coats with patterns of all sorts. I lay there, the only noise being outside voices and that small annoying
ticking sound. I wondered when I would get out of this nightmare.
Minutes past but this time I couldn't fall asleep, I was too awake. I coughed aloud and then stopped in shock.
"Hello", my first words since the accident. My thinking was more clear now and I could talk. It felt unbelievable. I wanted
to see Brooke, I wanted to talk to her.

I struggled to move and quickly stopped as a deepened pain filled my right side, just as it did when I was on the road. I
winced and my eyes filled with tears. I paused, looked at my right arm, it seemed to be okay. I then lowered my vision
to my leg. It was slightly lifted and pain was growing now that I had tryed to move it. The nurse walked in.
"Oh honey, I'm glad to see you're awake."
I found my words quickly.
"What happened?" I asked softly, still weak.
She met my eyes then returned her focus to the stand beside me, bags of liquid hanging from it with tubes down to my arm.
"You were hit by a car, causing a closed fracture in your right leg and some internal bruising. You're extremely lucky you weren't killed, and that, that was all the damage."

I lay there, not saying another word, wanting no more surprises, and instead my mind was going crazy.
I was hit by a car..

I closed my eyes hard opening them seconds later hoping to return to my house where I sat peacefuly before going out with
Brooke. I began remembering more of the accident. Me and Brooke beforehand had been discusing what hair dye to buy and what flavored ice cream to choose. It was supposed to be a fun night. I remember wanting a darker shade for my simple honey brown hair, and wanting Brooke to buy blonde for hers. She had never had it blonde after all, and it would go nicely with her green eyes.

"Are you feeling okay?" the nurse interupted my thoughts. "Yeah, my leg hurts though", I quickly told her without exagerating on how bad it really felt. "I just replaced your medicine so it should be fine in acouple of minutes, do you want anything to eat or drink?"
"Sure."
"I'll be right back sweety."

My eyes carefuly strolled through the room examining what I hadn't noticed before. There was one picture of a woman and her child hanging on the pale blue walls. A get well soon balloon floated in the right corner, I pondered who it may be from. I actualy couldn't believe I wasn't in more shock then this, as if I had accepted the fact I may not be able to walk. Though how can one place that idea calmly in their mind.

The nurse returned quickly with a tray full of food and a can of gingerale. I hated gingerale but I suppose it was good for me at this point. She popped up the tray holder that I found intresting, I had never been in a hospital bed before, and set the food down. I eyed the cup of peaches, what looked like a tuna sandwitch, and an oatmeal cookie.
"My name is Linda by the way", she said.
"I'm Jenna." It was my first response without thinking, and after I did think, I realized she probably already new my name. It made me giggle slightly and it felt good to laugh.

She smiled and began telling me when my parents would be back.
"Around three, they said, your mom had to run some errands."
Errands..I thought..I'm in the hospital and she has time to run errands.

"How long have I been here?" It was a question I should have asked in the beginning.
"Five days now." Her face held a stern expression as she glared at me waiting for my reaction. I put the spoon full of peaches I had began to scoop back down and met her expression.
"I know it may not feel like it has been that long", she continued, "but you were out for the first couple of days, it was a terrible accident to have happened."

I looked up at the clock that read 2:45.
Why is this happening

After asking if I had any questions or concerns with my answer being no Linda left me alone. I stared at my food and circled my spoon around until I grew bored of that. Thoughts of running across that street were beginning to take over, and soon I felt nascious.

When my parents arrived they looked more stable then the last time I had seen them. My mom held curles in her jet black hair when before it had the look of days without a shower, and my dad's dirty blonde hair was combed neatly to the side. My sister wasn't with them but I figured she was back at school now. They both walked over to me and began questioning.

"Are you feeling alright?"
"Are you in any pain?"
"Why havn't you eaten?"
"Did you talk with Linda more?"

The list went on. I stared at them throughout the questions and their depressing looks became contagious.
"I'm okay I guess.."

Linda then walked through the door and wanted to talk to one of my parents. My mom was the first to volunteer. My dad stood beside me just staring, observing my leg which made me slightly uncomforatable.

I tryed to ignore my dads pathetic look to tune into my mom and Linda's side conversation.

"She'll just need a splint for a couple weeks, and her side may bother her", I could hear Linda saying.
After that I lost interest when my mom began discussing insurance coverage and such.
Blah..

When they were done I realized my dad was still silently standing over me eyes fixed on my leg. "We should be able to let you go home tomorrow", Linda confirmed. "You'll be in a splint for a while to help your leg heal and we'll give you instructions on how to take it off for showers, how to adjust it and what not. You got lucky the bone didn't break out of the skin, or you would've needed surgury. For now I think you just need your rest."

My heart sank at the word of surgury. How did I get so lucky?






Returning home the next day was a difficult and uncomforatable process for me. Even after taking the pain medication they had prescribed for me moving around caused pressure I had never felt before, and didn't take liking to. I couldn't stop thinking about Brooke and how she was doing. I hadn't heard from her since the day she visited me at the hospital with my sister, and I was growing worried. She was my best friend.
Why didn't she visit more..

My mom helped me get situated on the couch and propped my leg up just as the doctor had instructed. "You know, at eighteen, I wasn't galivanting across roads trying to dodge cars as a dare", she commented.
Suddenly more of it came back to me, I remembered Brooke laughing and repeatidly saying 'go Jenna'. I remembered her standing over me screaming one second later. She screamed at the road too, 'fuck you, what the fuck'. It was an ugly scream, one with more fear than I've ever heard, one I hoped to never hear again.

"Mom", I sighed as she began to walk away, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay Jenna, you're alive, thats all that matters."
There was a pit in my stomach, I felt terrible.
"Get some sleep", I heard her mutter as she headed towards the kitchen. I closed my eyes.