Old Sows, Hogs, and Piglets

                Old sows, hogs and piglets, the old fashioned kind not the modern swine grown in factories, were remarkable animals; capable, just like humans, of great brilliance and incredible foolishness at the same time. Raised on dirt they were fleet of foot, strong of snout and quick of mind.

         When raising hogs, that is what we used to do, raise hogs, not produce them, the first thing you learn how to do is wire a gate or panel shut. It seems easy enough but don’t be taken in by the simplicity of the task. “Did you wire the gate shut?” “Sure did, do you think I’m stupid.” Half an hour later running through the trees, ducking branches left and right, chasing a half dozen old sows that have just cultivated the yard you realize that you must always wire the gate top and bottom and maybe in the middle too if you aren’t fond of chasing hogs or raking the sod back into place in your yard. When you finally get them back where they are supposed to be everyone stands there out of breath and intently watching as you wire the gate in a dozen places just to be sure. And you throw in a couple good knots just to keep them busy while you’re gone. Hogs love wire; they will chew and tease a piece of wire until it just gives up, falling to the ground in exhaustion leaving its post and the other pieces of baling wire to entertain the inquisitive hog.

         Baling wire is the primary tool of the hog farmer. Every fence on the place has several pieces tied to it for emergencies such as the “hogs are out”. Stock trailers usually have a strand or two of the stuff, although be careful removing a piece of baling wire off of a trailer it might be holding something crucial together. When using baling wire the proper method is to put the two cut ends together and double it, it will seem too long, but in time it will be too short, trust me. Put the one end thru the panel about 4 to 6 inches from the top of the gate, reach thru and grab the end and pull it back thru on the other side of the post and take a firm hold of each end, pull and twist at the same time. If you are extremely tired of chasing hogs I suggest you take your trusty pliers out of their holder and give the wire an extra twist or two with them. Repeat about four to five inches up from the bottom and as needed to keep the devils in. Footnote: what they can’t chew or root loose they will rub on until it breaks and falls over.

         While you are wiring, notice that they are sitting on their butts smacking their lips and laughing at you. Having entertained them, check to see that the gate is secure, feed and water them and you are ready to go fix the lawn before the grubs they were after dry out.

         It is great fun watching hogs play. They do play you know. One of my favorites was “spin in a circle until you fall on your butt and look to see if anyone saw you”. This doesn’t sound like much, but you try weighing a couple hundred at least and spinning on all fours. And if that isn’t enough, trying riding on them while they are spinning. The porcine version of a spinning bull at the county fair and they don’t try to gore you when you fall off. And you will fall off, trust me.

         Speaking of riding hogs, when I was a kid my Dad would set me on the back of an old sow and mostly she would just stand there grunting and smacking her lips. But beware of the runaway sow when you are trying to get them in where they are not wanting or ready to go. Sometimes working with hogs can be done by one person, more often two, when they don’t want to go somewhere the whole family has to be called for pig-sorting duty.

         As a kid I prided myself on my ability to dodge and duck while running, an ability acquired and honed by running through the trees chasing hogs that were on the loose. One afternoon my folks were trying to get three little Hamp sows (short for Hampshire, but you probably already knew that) in where they would be farrowing soon. They had gotten two in but the last one was giving them a run for their money; that is where I came in.

         We had her cornered and were slowly pushing her toward the open gate when she bolted right at me. She was on a dead run before you could blink, but I was cool I, took a step to the side, much like a matador fighting a charging bull. She put her head down low and caught me just above the ankle and sent me high in the air before falling flat on my back on a pile of cobs. I was young and limber then and jumped up thinking all kinds of ways to get even, including a couple that had to do with eating.

         Never be the guy holding the flashlight in the dark while someone else is trying to get a sow in the barn to pig. To get away from her antagonists she will run right between your legs giving you a backwards piggy-back ride that you won’t soon forget.

         When you realize that you need to get off, you look for the pickup man in this rodeo and he and Mom are just standing there laughing while you flail your arms wildly trying to keep your balance. When you do take the plunge the cement is cushioned by the four inches of, well, let’s just call it mud for my own piece of mind.

         My husband to be and I went to sell caps and t-shirts at a country music jamboree the next day. With big scabs on the back of my hand and elbow where I had made two points of my three point landing, the other point shall remain undisclosed, anyway the nice folks kept inquiring as to what had happened and I provided them with a laugh when they learned of my backwards rodeo with an old sow.

         We used to go to 4-H horse shows nearly every weekend in the summer. I would get up at 3 in the morning and wash the horses while Mom and Dad fed and took care of the hogs. The day was long but fun and we brought home lots of ribbons and a trophy or two. It is early evening and we all change into our chore clothes to take care of the horses and hogs right quick and have some supper and relax after a long day. Wrong. That’s right, the hogs are out and everywhere. They even cultivated the garden, going down the middle of every row, plowing dirt left and right. A not so perfect end to a nearly perfect day.

         Baby pigs or piglets, if only they could stay that size forever. When they are born they crawl over their mother’s hind legs and grab a tit and go to work. Huh. Okay let’s say, to shorten the story, they make it over mom’s legs and are in the right vicinity, grabbing a tit can be a challenge for a little runt. Every time that little guy makes a grab the sow grunts and that tit jumps left or right, up or down out of that little pig’s reach. And when an old sow is done pigging she starts talking to her piglets and that little pig better grab a hold and hang on for dear life.

         They like to scare you to death when they are little and you find one at the back of the pen layin’ out all flat and dead looking. You pick them up to get a better look and they just hang there limp as a dish rag. You’ve seen this before so you shake them a little to make sure they are dead before you throw them out of the pen. After a few good shakes their eyes pop open and they go.... well I can make the noise but I can’t spell it. They sleep soundly so you should always shake before you bake. I’m sorry I couldn’t resist.

         Dad and I would be putting sows in the farrowing barn and there was always a least one that wouldn’t go up the chute and into the barn. We would push and yell and wear ourselves out and the sow was totally oblivious of our frustration. Mom would come out and pat the sow on the butt and say “come on now” and up the chute she would go. She just wasn’t ready to go in yet. I’m really thinking we should eat more bacon.

         Speaking of bacon, we had a little runt in the house for a time. We called him Bacon and he slept in front of the stove on a little pillow. I brought in a chilled little piglet one night and placed him on Bacon’s pillow. Bacon proceeded to knock the little intruder off his pillow and laid down. It was holiday time and we had family there for Christmas dinner. No, we didn’t have bacon for dinner, but he was a big hit running around with a big red bow around his neck.

         Have you ever watched hogs in an open-fronted shed in the winter? There is a constant rotation going on with the ones on the outside of the pile waking up and crawling into the middle of the pile and settling in and scooting someone else out to the edge. And in the morning when they are waking up they sit up on their butts and yawn and smack their lips and stick their tongues out.

         So you can see hogs are remarkable creatures. I can honestly say they have given me some of the best belly laughs ever and have provided me with a temper best only seen by a hog. I am sorry that some people feel the only way to raise them is to produce them in factories where they never see the light of day, never feel the soil beneath their feet and can’t root in the good earth as God intended them to do.