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Rated: 13+ · Chapter · Comedy · #1266980
a brief tour of the heavens.
GENESIS



         Like most, but not all, great stories, this one begins in… you guessed it! The Beginning. In this particular beginning, it begins with nothing. Only darkness, and the void. And the One. The Creator. You know… Dad.
         In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. Most tend  to believe that he did this by blowing it up, but that doesn’t make any sense, does it? What could he blow up- there was nothing. Anyway, that doesn’t matter, the point is, he created.
         And no one else can.
         You know how it goes: seven days, blah-blah, man, Adam and Eve, sin, paradise- wait a minute, sin? This sounds promising. Crack open those Bibles, kids. Eve was tempted by a serpent. Uh-huh. Sounds like Satan, only: where did he come from? God created Evil without telling us?
         Well… duh. What so you think the tree was for? God was tapping on the microphones of our minds and going: testing, testing, check 1, 2, 3. The temptation was always there. He was pushing us to our limits. We wouldn’t be the advanced race we are today without his testing us. Granted, we’d still be in paradise, but I doubt you want to be reminded of that…
         Lucifer, you might say, was the first angel; called into existence to do some of God’s less godly work. Unfortunately, he was good at his job.
         Fortunately, so is God.
         So where’d everyone go? God created the seven realms (Heavens, for you technically minded), and designed a way complex hierarchy of angels; both holy and unholy. God resides in Araboth, with all the Angels of the first order: the seraphs, cherubs, and thrones; and the gatekeeper Cassiel. Zebul (ruled alternately by Zebul and Sabbath; who coincidentally, has long black hair, bloods hot eyes, and is covered in tattoos) is home the second order, including Raphael, Prosecutor of Fallen Angels. (Lucifer’s brother-in-law, which just goes to show, well… you know. In-laws.) Ma’on is ruled by Sandolphon, and is the home and training ground for the armies of Camael (principalities) and Michael (Archangels). Aaron, brother of Moses and Keeper of the Staff (he need a title to shut up about Moses), holds a large estate in Ma’on. (He says the sound of angels playing trumpets at four in the morning keeps him living, I, for one, have no idea what he’s talking about: he’s dead.)
         The Garden of Eden (known in the ancient tongue as Machanon) is guarded by fierce Archangels, hand picked by Michael.  Michael himself often travels there from Ma’on to oversee official matters. (He’s actually a very plain man, spending the last millennia or so hovering around forty-ish, but for official  matters he dresses to the nines: swords, staffs, wings, flames, and so on.)
         The Third Heaven (we’re counting down by the way) is actually two parts.  Now some might say that that means that there are actually eight Heavens, but you have to remember, like magic, this all operates on a belief system.  Seven is considered a good number, while eight is very evil.  (The Eater of Souls, Taninniver, is obsessed with octagons, lives in an eight dimensional cave, and has, in fact, eight wings.)  As a matter of coincidence, there are seven Fallen Angels- including Lucifer and Taninniver, and eight Angels on the left hand of God- including Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, and the vengeful assassin Raziel, Michael’s second-in-command.  Don’t you miss the good old days when angels were white-robed, cherry-cheeked clones?
         Neither do I.
         Anyway, the third Heaven is divided into Sagun (Hell) and Shahaquin (Heaven). Sagun is governed by the Izra’i’l, and yes, he wears a cloak and carries a scythe, but only in the last few centuries. (Far as I know, he was born a six-foot skeleton).  He also likes cats.  Shahaquin- being the metropolis that it is- has two rulers: Anahel, Keeper of the Gate; and Vega, the Enforcer.  There is much more here to explain, but it would be best to press on for now.
         Though Raphael lives in Zebul, he is the caretaker of Raquia, prison for fallen angels.  The wicked shall be turned to Hell, David wrote, and that’s what Raquia is: true Sheol.  Sagun and Shahaquin are the in-between realms, so to speak…
         Look at it this way: Raquia is home to the ultimate evil; Sagun- mortal souls.  No mortal can be pure evil.  This is rather hard to explain…Okay, look: Shamayim, the First Heaven, is Heaven on Earth.  That’s where the angels- the souls of mortals, that is- have eternal life.  Shamayim is where you go when you die, unless you choose to turn away from God, then Izra’i’l binds you to eternal torment.  EXCEPT that God often comes to Sagun to free the souls (if they’re willing) and they go to Shahaquin, and, eventually, to Shamayim.  Keep this in mind too- there is a level of Hell, Sheol, that completely strips you of your free will.  True damnation.
         Why all the fuss?  Why all the confusion?  Ah yes, you see the Third Heaven (the two together are known as Limbo- though most use that to refer to Shahaquin) has a secret.  A big secret.
         And that’s where our story truly begins…
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