Marriage

                   -an afternoon journal

I go home this afternoon as usual to have my lunch.But unusually, I forgot to cook in the morning. Teaching all through the morning, tired, I can't do the cooking in this hot afternoon. Could she be abnormally kind enough to do that for me? Would she have already...?
Clothes are lying were I left them hurriedly in the morning, all over, bucket were still empty from the morning washing -water doesn't come every time. What is she doing at home anyway?

I hopefully step in the kitchen -only to find the dishes unwashed and pots empty. Not suprising though, least I have expected sampthy. Forget about offering a cup of tea or juice she watches me wash rice and fill in the rice cooker. I feel like she is giving me mocking stare from the corner of the room. Preparing curry is not reasonable anyway, I better do with butter. I have to wait for the rice to cook. Meanwhile, I go beside her and want to talk. She disappeares into another room. Bored, Subtly I dozed off in the afternoon heat right there on the plastic chair.

When I hear the distant toll of the bell I rise to realize that I have slept the short lunch break. I have to ask her why she has not awaken me. She is smiling with celebration at my misery. I don't have to ask now, she has done it intentionally. I return to the school without the meal, checking if everything is alright; putting off the switches, latching up the windows and also locking the door.

Already late, halfway to school I remember I have forgotten to take my medication. I wish if she reminded me. I call out for her as if she will be kind enough. I have to leave it for the evening.

Classes are over and it is time for me to go home, the moment which takes all my courage to decide. I will find every thing as I have left them in the morning; I will have to wash the dishes, arrange the clothes, sweep and wash the floor. She will just look on me and even won't care to acknowledge. It is time for me to think hard for the future. Enough is enough already.

I want a divorce; aloneness is a bad wife, she is going to kill me soon. I should really get married.

PaSsu, Bajothang,28th March 2007.