Holding On

Sometimes the road gets hard and I can’t see where I'm going, it’s like a thick, dark cloud has engulfed me and I am lost; lost in my misery and my sorrow, in my unmet goals, my failure, and my insecurities and in my ever changing self. It’s during these times that I think we truly gain a sense of self reliance. There is no one to solve our problems for us, as much as we may want. These times are tough, I know, trust me, I know, but if we keep working towards that glorious goal of happiness, when the fog that surrounds us is lifted, it will be incredible.
         How do I know? I don’t. I’m only guessing that happiness is all its cracked up to be, no that’s not true. I’m not guessing, I’m hoping and I’m praying and I’m putting my whole heart and soul into the notion that happiness is amazing. I don’t know if it really is or not, it’s been so long since I’ve felt it that for all I know it isn’t even real, but I do know that there is definitely something better than this. I know without a shadow of a doubt that there is something out there, something tangible and real that I can obtain that is better than this dark cavern I’m living in.
         As little kids we are taught opposites, the opposite of dark is light, the opposite of left is right etcetera, so it is only logical that if there are opposites for small primary things there are opposites for large adult things. Now I admit I don’t know what the opposite of depression feels like exactly, I do know that if it is bad, which it is, than its opposite must be good! It can’t be otherwise for if it was than the whole principle of opposition would be out the window.


I want to persuade you to hold on to any life preserver you can find, I want you to hold onto the hope that it will get better. I have a lot of experience at holding on to even the slipperiest of all handholds and I can tell you that as time goes on it gets better. That little strand of light you’re holding to right now gets bigger, it will start gradually but eventually you have an iron rod in your fists.
         This little essay was started just 4 months ago and during that time I wanted to let go of the drift wood I was holding onto in the sea of depression but I kept holding on. It got worse for awhile, my parents split up and the drift wood shrank to a barely recognizable sliver but I kept holding and I kept trying to get better, and guess what! My little wood sliver is now a ship, a grandiose ship with huge masts and sails; my ship has cannons and a crew to man it and I am at the head. 
         If someone had told me that I would be almost completely cured of this illness in just 4 months, that I would love myself again I would not have believed them in the least but here I am. Please keep holding on to whatever it is you have. Be it an amazing friend, religious beliefs, or simply a great poem don’t let your grip slip. Don’t let go!