The Time I Handled Rejection Poorly

One crazy night, in year 2004, I spent the night with a man on the hood of my car. It was sooo amazing in some ways, yet painful as well. I really liked this guy,more than most I have met and we had things in common. As the week passed by after we met, I realized he did not feel the same as I did. I had thought I might see him again or he might show up or send me flowers or something and was getting quite angry as he had not. My feelings were hurt. At this point, I had also thought I might be pregnant as I had not used a condem. I had been feeling queasy for a couple days and was really scared. Having a child was the most scariest thing I have ever done in my life. I had thought about that subject of having more children and came to the conclusion; one is enough. I was feeling stupid for thinking the feelings were mutual as had realized they were not at this point. I had a rough week with thinking about everything and had asked my mom to take my son so I could have some "self time". It was my brother's birthday and had taken him to dinner at his favorite restaurant after getting off work. We had each ordered a drink with our food. When the drinks came, I did not like mine and gave mine to my brother. I ordered 2 shots of Tequilla instead. I don't drink much so thought 2 shots was enough to give me a good buzz. It definitely did and I was quite lit.....I had noticed the bartender.....we went to school together and I think he noticed me as well and gave me the "good stuff". I went to take my brother home and peeled out of the parking lot. We were both laughing and it was sooo fun, but I had to keep repeating to myself "NO LEADFOOT-DON'T NEED A TICKET!" Somehow, I managed to keep myself in check even though I just wanted to speed and haul ass. I dropped my brother off and was headed home. There was this van going sooo slow and couldn't get around him except to pass him on the right, so I did. It was great and I thought.....man, that would've been a shitty ticket; "I DON'T NEED A TICKET". I slowed down and was driving normal and the speed limit. I was coming in to my town and these people cut right in front of me and would've hit me if I wouldn't have swerved and went on the side of the road/sidewalk curb. I recognized the car and was some neighbors of mine that I had been having problems with for several months prior. I was instantly pissed and got up on their tail and flipped them off with the double finger. I took a different route home, peeling and squealing the tires the whole way. I arrived home and was almost to my front door when I saw them pull in. I was so pissed when I saw them that I walked over to their vehicle and yelled "If you ever cut me off like that again in traffic, I'll kill you". They all started cussing and swearing and this 11 year old boy called me a "stupid bitch". He was known for his foul mouth but at that moment I almost decked him, but I knew better and walked away. I was even more pissed than before I had gone an approached them. I was in my house for about 5 minutes and heard a knock at the door. I opened it to have several officer's on my porch. They stated they received a call stating that I had a gun and wanted to search my house. I let them search my house and let them know that I don't own a gun. Some of my other neighbors had witnessed the event and spoke with the officers on my behalf. The officers recommended I stay somewhere else for the evening. I stated I had just gotten home from work and was going to take a shower and then would find another place to stay. I was pissed as I was being told that I should leave my home because of these lying slimeballs saying I had a gun. I was absolutely enraged now. I hadn't been mad feeling in over 6-7 years. I took a long, HOT shower and changed out of my work clothes. I had thought that I need to go be by myself and packed my tent, blankets and some food. It was about 5:30pm when I left. The slimeball neighbors were staring as I left so I flipped them off the whole way past their house. I went to the liquor store and bought 2 fifths of top shelf tequilla and headed to "my spot". When I got to my spot, it did not feel the same. It was tainted and brought back a memory I did not want to remember at this moment. I continued up the road and came to a fork in the road. One part looked like a tunnel and the other went up a hill but looked to be overgrown towards the top. I decided "take the least traveled path" and went down the tunnel looking fork. It was dark but continued around a corner and then could see light at the end of the tunnel. I started to go and hit some large ruts that I couldn't see because of the dark. I floored it and kept going towards the light. Next thing I know, I am high centered. I am flooring it, fishtailing right and fishtailing left but not going forward to the light, although I wasn't far from the light. I got out of my car to see what was going on. I walked up to the light to see a large puddle about 10 feet wide and looked quite deep and then a huge cliff approximately 200-300 feet down to a ravine. I was stunned because I realized that I almost just drove off a cliff because I was enraged. I was still enraged. I needed to scream so I did. I screamed "F'ing Mother F'ers!!! I HATE MY NEIGHBORS!!!" It echoed for quite some time but was out in the woods where no one could hear to my knowledge. The view was amazing as the ocean wasn't far and could see a lot from this "new spot". I went back to my car and could see where I needed to steer to get unstuck. I got unstuck. I decided to make this my new spot as it was very private and just what I needed. When I got out, I could see what I had gotten stuck on. It was a fire size log in the middle of the road that saved my life. At this moment, I knew the "powers that be" were looking out for me and thanked them. I pitched my tent and got my blankets set up and set up my folding chair. I proceeded to sit in my chair and watch the sunset, drink, and think. I drank about 1/2 of one fifth as I watched the sun set and then drank 1/2 of the other fifth as the stars were coming up. I finally felt tired and a little less angry, but not much and went to my tent to sleep. I didn't puke. As I was drifting off, I heard what sounded like to people screwing. That was not what I needed to hear before falling asleep as just made me think about what I was trying to forget. I had also thought this guy took some other chick to my spot and got even more pissed off as was going to sleep. I woke up and it was sunny and warm in my spot, but gray, cloudy and raining all around my spot. I was very thirsty and had a large jug of water so drank it and ate some breakfast of crackers and cheese with fresh slices of bell pepper. It was delicious and was a gorgeous sunrise. I went for a hike and explored the area. It was neat and the flowers smelled great! I went back to my spot and drank some more. I felt sleepy again and went back to sleep. I awoke enraged and with fire ants on me, one even bit me and I think thats what woke me. I had left the door unzippered when had went back to sleep and found out I had pitched my tent right next to a fire ants nest. I think I was still crocked and I went peeling down the road and drove the fastest I had ever driven back home. I went Mock Maximum and then some. I had my speedometer maxed out for a 60 mile stretch although there were a few corner's I had to slow down to 90 mph for. I was almost to the end of the road and broke out in to a cold sweat. I made it home and parked. I was not feeling enraged anymore and felt bad for yelling at my neighbors the evening before. I went an apologized to them and I was surprised as they apologized to me as well. After that, we got along until they moved. I did not really hate my neighbors. I don't like the word hate. I like peace, love, and happiness, NOT hate, turmoil, and discontent. I realized then that I have a temper that can inialite everything around it in a matter of seconds and it is not worth it to get mad, especially over another person. I know now that nothing is worth this kind of reaction and reacting the way I did, did nothing to help the situation I was in and even made it worse than it was to begin with. I still thank the "powers that be" for letting me get stuck on the log that day as I had not ever thought "I want to die" or anything of that sort, I was just so enraged that I lost my logical thinking ability for a day. It did not help me out in any way or help to solve my situation.