Physical Attraction doesn't = Love

I had decided to go celebrate after completing the last 2 days of my training before starting my second job in July 2004. (The last 2 days consisted of driving around with my supervisor and having her critique everything I did. She was very critical! Our last place we visited was out in the country and I drove down a gravel road and got a flat tire. I found out I can change a tire by myself in 17 minutes - WooHoo!)

By the time I got home, I was so worn out. It was 10:00pm and did not feel quite tired. I had decided I would take myself out and celebrate as I had made it through 2 weeks of grueling training, my 2 days observation in the field, and was now fully trained so could be on my own. I had made myself a drink and was sipping on it occasionally as was getting ready. I don't drink often....maybe 4-6 times a year. I like to catch a buzz, but not to get wasted because I don't like to puke. I went to a local hip spot and arrived about midnight so had about and hour and a half to have some fun. I had not been out in quite some time and when walked in, started running in to many aquaintences and friends that I had not seen in a long time.....some as long as 3-4 years or so. It was great. I went up to the bar to order a drink and the man next to me started getting goofy. I think he may have been trying to impress me as I looked good, but I stopped him from climbing up on to the bar and must have had quite the look on my face because he apologized for his behavior. I remember blushing as I didn't think that I looked that great. I don't know much about drinks so I asked for something strong and fruity. I don't know what drink I got, but it was perfect and what I asked for. I had some sips and went up and did some dancing.....I love to dance. The place was much more packed than usual so lots of people were dancing too. I went and finished my drink and was mingling, having a great time. I decided to order another drink and went next door as the drinks were cheaper there and ordered a shot of top shelf Tequilla and a Tequilla driver. The shot was smooth and tasted soooo good (I hadn't ever ordered from the top shelf before....just looked at it). I got my other drink and went back next door. I had sat at a table and was starting to feel a bit tired.

A woman had came and sat at the table and we just started chatting. Then a man came up and started to speak to her and she got up quickly and walked away. The man turned to me and asked me what I was doing. I stated I was celebrating and noticed his eyes. They were the most unique, deep blue eyes I had ever seen in my life. Absolutely magnificent. He asked me what I was celebrating and I stated "I just got a second job and it works perfect with my other job"  He gave quite the strange look and smiled. His eyes had lit up and did the strangest thing that I had ever seen anyones eyes do....I still cannot describe it but oh how it turned me on! He had the cutest dimples and smile and was very tall, taller than most people I have met....but had not been taking care of his teeth. We started talking and then the last call for alcohol was announced. I had asked him where he was going and he stated he was walking several blocks away. I asked if he needed a ride and he said "sure". He asked where I was going and I said "for a drive". He asked to where and I said "my spot". (I had always had this spot....it was my spot and hadn't ever taken anyone to it. It was way up this old logging road and there is a nice pullout where you can see the stars and they are so gorgeous. I had gone there many times and contemplated life and situations at hand. Sometimes even would see a shooting star.)

We got in my car and started to drive. We talked some as I drove.....I am normally a very outgoing person, but in this situation, I was so dumbfounded that I turned in to an absolute clam and couldn't speak my mind. We had a lot in common yet, I stayed a clam. There were so many things that I wanted to say, but I didn't because I was afraid if I said the wrong thing he would go away and I didn't want that. We arrived to my spot and I went to back up like I normally do. I had checked my mirrors. I backed right in to  the ditch instead of my spot. I had not ever backed in to the ditch before and was quite irritated and embarrassed with myself. We were 40 miles from town out in the middle of nowhere land way up this old logging road ....at least 4-5 miles from the highway at 2:30am. I did have my cellphone with me but the area is almost a "dead zone" as far as reception goes, but was able to get through to roadside assistance but they couldn't hear me very well. The tow truck refused to come out to the area where I was at.....until this point, I had thought my roadside assistance covered me anywhere, anytime. I was told I could call the police and that they could make the towtruck come but did not want to deal with that whole ordeal. I had thought to myself, this man is complimentary to me and I like that. I remember pacing and the man had said something to me...I don't remember exactly what..and I remember turning around and said "I am curious if you are a good kisser" and he said "well, why don't you find out?"

At that point, I walked over and we kissed. It was the most amazing kiss of my life thus far. It was long, soft, and sweet to where all I could think was "WOW" and although I never said "WOW" out loud, I did think it. I remember stepping back and looking up.....there were 3 stars and it was as if they were dancing in the sky above us. It was absolutely a magical moment. We continued the moment as he put me on the hood of my car. He pleased me like no other until daylight. He then proceeded to drive my car out of the ditch at sunrise.....he peeled rubber so hard that the grass was smoking.....it was amazing to watch. I took him home and we slept. I had cooked breakfast in the morning and then dropped him off where he asked to be dropped off. I had not gotten his phone number or anything. I used to keep hoping/wishing I would bump in to him or he would come by sometime as I missed him after only one breif encounter. I had thought I was in Love and thought things were more than they actually were. I came to realize it was just a mutual physical attraction and nothing more than that. Love is so much more than just physical attraction!

Before that encounter, I had not been with anyone for many years and am not in to "one nighters" etc. I felt horrible and was very confused for some time afterwards. I had thought he felt the same way I did, but came to realize he did not. He was not interested in anything serious, just a one nighter. I was interested in serious and not just a one nighter. I was quite crushed and it seemed like the end of the world for a time, but it passed. Just because you have Sex with a person, it does not = Love. I do think that Sex is a part of Love, but there is much more than just sex involved in Love. The situation was healing in several ways for myself as I had not trusted any man for a long time. I went through a situation that almost killed me in 1999. I think that I had died inside for a while and the only way I can describe how it felt was "I was laying there and I felt dead, yet I could feel myself breathing and knew that I was alive" I worked hard not to let the things that happened to me affect how I viewed all people, yet it did in some aspects. It took many years to overcome that and learn to trust people again. I have decided to NOT let one person's sickness affect my outlook on all people. That is how I started to trust again.