Don't give up on me...

Don’t give up on me… You’re the only one I have left.
By:Latifah Lyney
Dear Diary,
You wont guess what happened but I fell in love
today. I fell in love with him. It all started the day
he called me from the hospital. He wouldn’t tell me
what had happened until I got there. He has been there
for me ever since we were little. He was my best
friend and I couldn’t let him down. I rushed to the
hospital hoping it was something small but when I got
there I knew it wasn’t. His face was pale; he had a
couple of bruises and a cut right below his left blue
eye. Have I ever mentioned that his eyes were the most
amazing things to look at? They were blue… but not
just plain blue, but silver blue. They changed color
at night… They turned light blue... The color of the
sky right after it had rained for a few days. I
stepped closer and took a whiff of vomit and knew what
he had been up to.

“I thought you stopped!” You wouldn’t believe how mad
I was. He promised me he was going to stop using
drugs... and even stop selling them.
“I know…” He looked down. He couldn’t bring himself to
look me in the eye. Bastard. Coward. I wanted to kill
him.
“Do you know how hard it is to stop?” He looked up and
I saw that perfect little tear.
I wanted to stop yelling. I wanted to run up to him
and hug him. I wanted to tell him that everything was
okay, but I couldn’t.
“Bull shit! Don’t give me that crap!” I couldn’t stop.
“Do you want to end up like your dad? Huh!?” I felt
like a whole new person, I couldn’t control myself.
“Your dad didn’t even care about his family. He loved
cocaine more then he loved you. He loved shooting up
more then he loved spending time with you!” I felt
like someone had taken over my body. “Do you want to
die like he did? Do you want your son to find you dead
like you found your dad!?” I was now crying. I rushed
up to him and started to hit him. I couldn’t stop. He
never once hit me back but he lay still. Took every
hit. After a few minutes I stopped and was now wrapped
up in his strong arms.
“Give me one more chance.” He whispered. “Don’t give
up on me, you’re the only one I have left.” Those
words went right through my heart and pierced it. It
was actually hard to breathe for awhile, but I didn’t
believe him.
“I wont give up on you. That’s the last thing I’ll
ever do.” I looked up at him and tried to find some
truth in his eyes. Just a glimmer of truth, but I
couldn’t find it. I still saw that little boy who
found his dad dead 9 years ago.
After that day I stayed with him 24/7 and made sure
he didn’t use drugs again. We would go out to get his
mind of the drug but sometimes that never worked. I
remember one specific occasion when he was on the
verge of breaking down. We were lying down next to
each other in bed talking about his son. Zach was 3
years old but he hadn’t seen him for over a year.
“Do you ever think about him?” I was lying down on my
side facing him.
“All the time.” He was on his back staring at the
ceiling.
I loved talking about Zach. He was like my own. I was
there the day he was born till the day he turned 2.
Zach’s mom was also a drug addict.
“I remember the day he was born,” He had a smile on
his face, “I couldn’t stop smiling. Becoming a dad was
the best thing that ever happened to me.” His tone
changed but yet he continued. “Sometimes I hate the
drugs for taking him away from me.” I could tell he
was mad.
“Hey… as much as I love you and want you to be right I
have to say something.” I took a deep breath. “You
took yourself away from him. You made your choice and
you chose the drug.” I felt the bed shaking and looked
at him.
Sweat was poring out of his whole body and he was
shaking furiously. I placed the palm of my hand on his
forehead and felt icy cold. He was going through
withdrawal from the drug. I couldn’t do anything about
it. That’s what happens when you’ve been using for 8
years and stop.
I placed my arms around him and told him that
everything was going to be okay, over and over again.
I couldn’t devote my entire life to helping him stop.
I had a life on my own. I had to go back to college; I
had a family and a boyfriend.
After spending weeks helping him, I had to leave. I
regret doing that because a day later he started using
again and I couldn’t stop him. I wouldn’t stop him.
It’s impossible to help someone who doesn’t want to
get help. It’s impossible to help someone who won’t
make an effort to get help. Four months later, I got a
phone call from Zach’s mother. I was so excited to
hear from her because I wanted to see Zach.
“Hey! How’s my favorite kid?” I couldn’t stop
smiling.
“Uh… He’s okay.” She didn’t sound so sure.
“What’s wrong? Is he sick or something?” My heart
skipped a beat.
“No…But how do you tell your son who found his dad
dead that daddy is always going to be there for him?”
My heart completely stopped. I knew what she was
talking about. History repeated itself and in the
worst possible way. I dropped the phone and stared at
my wall. I had pictures of us on the wall. I looked at
the most recent picture of him I had... and that was 3
years ago when Zach was born. He had the biggest smile
on his face. He was sober that day and that was on his
own. I didn’t cry that day.
They had his funeral 4 days later. I walked to that
church carrying that picture in my hand. I walked up
to his casket without missing a step.
I stared at his lifeless body. I combed my fingers
through his thick blond hair like any other day. I
placed my fingertip on the crease of his perfect pink
lips. Even with his eye shut I could feel the
intensity of his eyes. It felt like he was watching me
watching him. I place my picture right near his heart,
where he always kept his son. That day I walked out of
the church knowing I had falling in love but never
paid attention. That day I walked out crying out tears
I never knew I had.
“Don’t give up on me, you’re the only one I had
left.” I whispered.