Nothing is too hard for him who loves.

University of                                                                            3/19/07
What's Mattah You?

Guest Speaker:
Mel Gibson.


Mel: Hi! I hope I can answer your questions.

Girl: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh(breaks down in tears).

Professor Peanut: (giggles)Is it fair to say that Apocalypto has topped
              The Passion?

Mel: Well, The Passion is making over a billion dollars in DVD...
      But, I am proud of Apocalypto.. it's an entirely different film
      with great box office returns.

Muzzy: Was Jesus gay?

Mel: What?

Muzzy: He seemed so.... feminine: staying with his mother and bonding
            so closely with his male friends.(big smile)

Mel: (blank stare).... Any other questions?


Professor Peanut: (giggles)Is it fair to say you dislike homosexuals? In
                Brave Heart you had an openly gay man tossed out
                a window.

Mel: (getting red faced) That is the most idiotic.... (press agent whispers
      into Mels left ear..  Ahem(Mel drinks some water).... I have gay
      friends and work with the homosexual community...

Girl: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh(vomits).


Muzzy: Is Patric McGoohan gay? He's never been in a stable relationship
            with a woman and spends most of his time bonding with men.

Mel: No.


Professor peanut: (giggling)I've heard that Mr. McGoohan has come out
                and is openly gay.

Mel: (left eye twiches).... Oooooooookey-dokey.


Muzzy: Why not make a film about gay men doing heroic things?
 

Mel: I'll look into that....(smiles and waves and quickly exits).


Girl: (pees).


Muzzy: Mop! Can we have a mop?


Professor Peanut: (giggles).


Epilogue:

Muzzy: Don't be ashamed little girl... Be cheerful. In the noisy confusion of
            life with all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams it is still a
            beautiful world......(rings out mop in bucket).

Girl: (smiles with braces glissening on teeth and skips away) slop! slop! slop!


+