Life on the edge

  Life On The Edge


         What is life on the edge? Someone who lives life to its fullest, or who puts their life on the line?  I guess it could be a lot of things from an undercover police officer, to a soldier facing our enemies. It could be the local fireman, protecting the property of the community, The school teachers in some of our schools.  Where there are dangers or life threatening positions there are people living on the edge.

         My story is about people that live on what you might call “the edge” everyday. These people are heroes facing the dangers of everyday life. You probably know one of these people, or have known one at some point in your life. There are millions maybe even billions around the world who I consider heroes everyday.

         They are or were your friends and neighbors. Have you figured out who they are yet?  Well, I guess it is time to tell you more about these people.  When you discover who they are you will be surprised, but please keep in mind the story of the lives of the people who you know, and continue to read the remainder of this article with that in mind. There is very important information about these people that I’m sure has never crossed your mind.

         The people I describe as living life on the edge are your friends and neighbors on “Hospice Care”.  Now that you know who these heroes are don’t forget the lives that they lead.  They are the people the doctors have sent home to live with there families and friends for the short amount of time they have left. These are the people that have already been told they are facing imminent death. They have been given the best estimation by the doctors for how long they will live.  The people on Hospice Care are told that they only have a few months, not years; left to spend with their family and friends before their sacred time on earth will be over.  They awake every day knowing that it could be their last and striving to live each minute to its fullest. 

         Now, think about what you would do if you were in this position.  Would you call all of your friends and family and tell them how you feel about them?  Would you find yourself praying to God to forgive you for all of your sins or releasing that your desire to go to church is far greater than it ever has been before.  Would you try to find the people that you haven’t seen in years to settle old scores because you don’t want anything left undone?  The list can go on and no with only one true meaning inside each and every action you would take in the last days of your life… live each day to its fullest.  However, I forgot to mention that most people who are on Hospice Care are also disabled.  These people cannot walk or drive themselves to fulfill these wishes; they are stuck at home in bed, on oxygen, or in a wheel chair.  Most of these heroes are dependant upon family, friends, and neighbors to help them do the everyday things that healthy people take for granted.  Now, would you like to re-think what you would do if you where told you only had a few months to live?

         Once they receive the prognoses they begin to develop a new heart ache; a yearning for the presence of somebody to spend time with them, a need to be exposed to life itself. Yes, a need to experience life through others… a need for the friends they once spent time with. Unfortunately, this is when they spend the most time alone. Oh sure, a few friends come by and stay for a few minutes on their way to work or to run errands.  They ask how you are doing and if you need anything.  Everyone who visits has a sad face and seems to be very uncomfortable in the presence of illness. I have watched as they went through the motions of being a friend.

         No…That is not a fair statement of the friends of hospice patients. There friends actually do care, but are very upset to see someone they know who is dieing. It seems everyone looks at their own immortality when loved ones are terminally ill, and none of them want to face death, so they no longer have the ability to face there friend because they are afraid to see what it looks like to be dieing. They can’t seem to find the words or know what to say; they become clamed up and nervous with the anxiety of what to say to someone who you know will die soon.  Often times these feelings are easily detected by everyone present.  Without realizing the actions they are taking. They find reasons to stay away. Excuses for why they could not make it by to visit.  Many people find themselves saying that they have to work or the kids keep them so busy they just can’t find the time.  Suddenly there lives have become very busy and they can no longer find time to spend with their friend, not even their dieing friend. 

         If you find yourself in this position, it doesn’t make you a bad friend, it makes you human. It is a fact of life or should I say a fact of death. We have an inbreed fear of death. That is how we survive. It is human nature to avoid death as much as possible. Even to the point of abandoning our friends and neighbors.  I know many of you won’t like the last statement and will for yourselves objecting to every word, but if you stop and really think you will realize that yes, even you, find yourself with the same impulse to avoid your friend or neighbor on hospice care.  Most people convince themselves that they are very busy and just haven’t found the time yet to visit there friend… until one day their friend is gone and they are only left with the regret and guilt of what they should have done.  We are all going to die some time; we just never want to think about when, or how soon.

         Your feelings do not change the need of your friend on hospice care. They need you more now than ever. Not to check on there health, but just to talk. To talk of your common interest that made you friend. People on Hospice do not want to talk of illness, or how they feel. They would rather talk of what you have been doing. How your job has been going. What the kids have been doing. Hospice patients would rather talk of what is happening around town than have you asking how they are and knowing all you are doing is trying to find a reason to leave.

         I have said a lot, and not near enough. I have tried to tell you what you should do for your friend on hospice care. What do I know, I am no doctor. I have no collage degree for this type of article. I just looked into patients eyes and saw the tear. Listened to there voice when they said it’s was ok. But when I started to talk of what I would love to do. To be a writer and have someone like what I wrote, they all had a change of sprit. They became interested. They wanted to know what I would do in the future if I had a chance. There eye lit up, they started to smile.

         Now I ask you to be a friend of someone on hospice care. Stop by and just chat. Talk about anything. You will feel better and they will too. Sometime just feeling better will makes you healthier.