Firstborn, I

I felt the sigh coming, and suppressed it. I did not know how many times the Doctor would try this. Why would this time be any different? The male, he was of the second Hatching by the Doctor’s reckoning, was a pleasing enough sort, I suppose, with his jet black fur and green eyes. He seemed no more enthusiastic than I, much to the Doctor’s chagrin. If we understood what was supposed to happen, it might be easier. However, the Doctor did not see fit to enlighten us.
The Doctor’s tests were run again. He frowned. I could tell it was a frown by now. His lips were non-existent, but the corners of his mouth took a slight turn downward. I tried to summon a more pleasing expression. The Doctor wouldn’t hurt me, but there was no guarantee for my partner. There was another male in the second Hatching; he could be replaced. I held my breath. Tomorrow the Doctor travels again. We would have a break then.

When the Doctor called a halt, I was tired and sore. I could tell my partner was, too. He and I had spent too many hours in this room not to know each other well. We were escorted, as usual, back to our separate rooms.

I lay on my pallet, staring at the ceiling. Thirdborn, the eldest of my surviving siblings, brought my dinner and curled next to me. Since I visited our parents, they called me Audrey rather than Firstborn. My promise, when I saw the Human woman again, was to get the rest of them names. I ate the dinner it brought me. Thirdborn was a neuter, or so the Doctor told me, and was to be referred as an it.
Thirdborn’s bluish fur contrasted with the russet of mine. It took care of me these days, when I returned too tired to think. It brushed my fur and covered me with a blanket. Thirdborn had always been my favorite sibling.

“How are the others?” I asked.

“We do fine without you, Audrey.” Its hand straightened my mane. “We miss you, but we manage to keep ourselves out of trouble. It would be harder if we ever left our rooms, like you do.”

I smiled at that. “The Doctor is leaving tomorrow.”

“Good. You need the rest. Now sleep.” It stroked my mane, behind the ears. I closed my eyes. Lights-out was soon.

I awoke to breakfast brought by Thirdborn. Now was the time to see how much I managed to learn from the Ixi. I smiled, rare these days, and my sibling returned it. “Let’s go find you a name.”

I let it help me out of bed and brush back my mane. Thirdborn was already groomed for the day. The Doctor had given us all tunics to wear, but we never bothered in our own chambers. I wouldn’t have bothered lately, with how much time I spent out of it, except the Doctor insisted on being clothed in the corridors. I threw Thirdborn a spare tunic. The tunics were white, and didn’t clash with our fur. The Doctor had attempted to explain modesty and aesthetics. I wasn’t sure I understood, but we always complied with the Doctor’s wishes – whether we wanted to or not.

Approaching the bars, I glanced up and down the hallway for assistants. Both sides were lined with bars, like all the walls except in the high security areas. I flexed my hand a few times. The Ixi hadn’t exactly explained what I was trying, but it couldn’t be too far from the shape-shifting it had tried to teach me. I stuck my hand outside the door and my finger into the lock. Feeling the interior, I shaped my fingers into the key that would fit, moving ever so slightly back and forth. The lock clicked and Thirdborn pushed the door open. “Teach me that trick?” It looked like it was trying to hide its anxiety about leaving our suite.

“I will.” Another promise I hoped I could keep. We were going to see the Human today, and maybe the Ixi as well. We knew when the rounds were, it depended on how long it took me to find the Human’s cell.

I had not been taken through all of the Doctor’s Lair, I knew. All the inhabitants were organized according to species. The Humans were housed not far from where we were. Four corridors beyond ours, through the end of the circular hall, down four more, third corridor to the left.

“I’m lost.”

“Shh,” I said. “This is the half-human quarters. We’re nearly there.”

Thirdborn looked less strained at that. We had not been traveling so long; we had left our rooms only an hour before. I reminded myself it had never been out of our rooms before. The six of us in the first hatching had several rooms and a garden. It was spacious, but not anywhere near the size of the Lair we had traversed so far. The size was daunting, and I didn’t want to scare Thirdborn yet. Let it get accustomed to things slowly. I decided not to visit the Ixi today. That would be too much for Thirdborn.

One more turn, and we stood in the Human corridor.

“They have no fur,” Thirdborn said. “It seems odd.”

“Hush,” I said. “They can hear you.”

“I’m only worried about her.”

“Well, she might hear you, too.”

She was at the end of the corridor. She was the only blonde.

"No two people we’ve passed have been the same. Did you notice that?” Thirdborn caught something I had not. I looked again at the inhabitants of the cells.

I tried to remember the other corridors, the other cells. “No, there are no two alike, that I have seen.”

“Except Fourthborn and Seventhborn, you mean.” It was right, they were alike. For some reason that unsettled me. Why were no others here alike? Surely it must happen eventually?

The Human did not seem pleased to see us. She huddled in her cell, carefully looking way from us.

“Please speak with us, Human Parent,” I hated to sound like I was begging. Thirdborn had traveled so far; it would be unfair for the Human parent to not speak.

She looked at us, then. “Audrey, and-”

“This is Thirdborn, my sibling. All my siblings want names. The Doctor never gave them to us, so you must.”

“Must I?” She actually smiled. “Maybe you want names from your other parents? If I remember, you have several. I’m sure the ‘Doctor’ is quite proud of you.”

“The others did not seem interested in it.”

“You have met them? I have not. I only overheard about the project when they were taking their samples for the ‘Great Work.’ I had not heard of most of them – the ones I remember were Tual, Jore, and Ixi.” The Human paused. “Male or female, Thirdborn?”

Thirdborn and I exchanged a glance. “Neither,” it said.

The Human looked from it to me. “What do you mean?”

“We have four genders, according to the Doctor: male, female, neuter and other. Thirdborn, Fourthborn, Sixthborn and Eighthborn are neuters, and Seventhborn is other. The Doctor doesn’t seem to have a word for it.”

“What about second and fifth?” Her forehead crinkled in confusion.

I exchanged a look with Thirdborn. “Dead.”

“Oh.” The Human looked uncomfortable. “What are the rest like?”

“Is that important to the naming?”

She nodded.

Thirdborn and I tried to explain our siblings. After several tries, the Human called a halt. “Thirdborn, I’ll call you Azure. Your fur reminds me of the color. Seventhborn, being other, should be unique, right? How about Ephret? I’ve always liked the name Octavia, but it implies a feminine and we’re trying to avoid that, right? It means eighth born, so it would fit other than that. Shorten it to Octavi for Eighthborn. So, I have Fourthborn and Sixthborn left? Hmm…”

Thirdborn, “Azure,” was smiling.

“…What color were they again? Golden brown and chocolate brown? That doesn’t help. Fourthborn we’ll call Tei, and Sixthborn we’ll call Nifer. What do you two think?”

“Amazing,” said Azure.

“We have to get going, Azure. We’ll barely get back for lunch. Thank you. what do we call you?”

The Human smiled again. I decided it was a nice expression for her. “Leia. Farewell.”

“Farewell,” I said over my shoulder as I dragged Azure away.

We barely made it back before lunch was served. Headcounts were always at meals. I don’t know why, we were always locked in unless the Doctor let me out. Perhaps he suspected that our talents might lie in the direction of the Ixi. I don’t know if the Doctor knew the range of our abilities or not. I certainly didn’t.

My siblings were excited by the adventure. More excited about the names, though. We seemed more finished now. Audrey, Azure, Tei, Nifer, Ephret, and Octavi crowded around the table for lunch. Today was a great day.

We stayed inside the next few days. Azure was tired from the long exploration of the Lair. I promised to take it to the Ixi when it was ready. The Doctor would be gone for many days yet. We still had time.

I remembered the first time I had met the parents. The Doctor let me follow him through his Lair when he visited the many people who dwelled within. He would point them out to me when we passed. The pale Human, the mottled reddish and cream Rhonquain, the purplish-blue Sizen, the auburn Tual, the violet-tinged Ixi, the black Jorei, the red-feathered Biagdan, and the green and blue Vier all had something to do with bringing me here, much though they didn’t want it. Most of them were kind enough to me, once they accepted their roles in my birth. They were parents in the loosest form only, though I did not understand it. They created me, through the Doctor’s careful engineering.

Azure approached me late in the day. “I’m ready to go see the Ixi. Shall we go tomorrow?”

I nodded. “It’s as far as the Human Corridor was, but not in the same direction at all. Are you sure you’re up to it?”

“Yes.”

“And the others?”

“They’re not coming. It’s scary – leaving here for the first time. I’m sorry, Audrey, but I’m the only one brave enough to go with you. It may be nothing for you, but we’ve never left our rooms before. Even our examinations have been here, the Doctor only takes you away for that.”

It was right. I didn’t know why I was always taken away for the examinations, but mine were completed by the Doctor and theirs were completed by a robotic assistant. “I wonder if it has to do with his breeding program.”

Azure didn’t answer. I knew it didn’t know any better than I did.

Just after breakfast the next morning, we left. I didn’t know if I’d seen all of the Lair, and I suspected I hadn’t. We lived somewhere near the middle of where I’d traveled with the Doctor. Azure was hopelessly lost out here, and depended on me to get it where we wanted to go. I was accustomed to this. Only when the Doctor’s breeding program started had I allowed it to take care of me. I was the firstborn. It was my responsibility to see to them. Azure was accustomed to my long absences with the Doctor, so it took charge of everyone while I was gone. Sometimes I felt like I was being replaced by Azure, but the others looked to me when I was home, and I didn’t have a choice about being out with the Doctor, so I learned to live with it.
I could tell by the way Azure was walking its feet were beginning to hurt. “We’re nearly there.”

It smiled, but stayed silent. I knew it was determined to keep up with me. I refused to tell it that I slowed my pace for it. I knew Azure wouldn’t appreciate that, and just try harder to stay with me.

Ixi Corridor looked much like the Human Corridor. The only differences were the inhabitants of the rooms on either side. Here everyone was translucent, with a pastel sort of color pulsing inside. I thought Ixi were beautiful in their natural state. Azure’s eyes widened looking at them. I stopped in front of the violet pulsing Ixi.

“This is the one we’re looking for?” Azure asked.

I nodded.

I had to open the com to talk. I knew the wrong button would call the guards. The Ixi way was to flow around it, to change one’s shape to find the needed combination. I might be able to spring my own lock, but the locks here were created to keep the Ixi in, and everyone else out – especially other Ixi, in case one escaped. The Doctor took no chances with shapeshifters. Why, then, did he trust me? All the half-Ixi were treated the same as full Ixi. Force-fields and hot-wired control panels marked the higher security area.

The violet-tinged Ixi drifted closer to the force-field that separated us. It was patient. I tried to dredge up the memory of the Doctor’s codes. It had been too long since I had been at the Doctor’s rounds, too long since I had seen him gain entrance here.

The Ixi extended a protrusion from its violet-tinged center. The protrusion shimmered, and coalesced into a keypad. It pulsed a combination of keys on its pad. I knew not if it was the force-field or the com, but I didn’t doubt it knew. I didn’t have much choice if I wasn’t going to call the guards.

It was the force-field. Azure trembled when it dropped. It looked at me in askance, but I had no comfort to offer. I knew the Ixi would not hurt us. The Ixi shifted to a form similar to ours, but kept the violet coloring.

“You decided to visit me.”

I nodded. Azure said nothing.

“Your sibling?” A momentary flicker through the Ixi’s coloring showed blue, then back to violet.

I nodded again. I opened my mouth to speak, knowing the Ixi probably knew what I was going to say already. “It – Azure – wishes to understand what you were trying to teach me.”

“Trying, and have not yet managed to learn.”

I flexed my fingers. The physical gesture seemed to help me manage to shift. The Ixi’s face turned to a slight frown. I shrugged. I changed my hand into the keypad, and pulsed light through the buttons to the exact code the Ixi showed me. It nodded once in acknowledgement. I let go of the shift, and felt my hand and fingers come back to me. It was still very difficult for me to hold a shift for any period of time, but it was getting easier.

“I have been practicing, Ixi. How do you think we got out of our cell?”

“Yes. Practice is good. It will never be as easy for you as it is for Ixi.”

“Azure would learn.”

“You have other siblings. Would they learn as well?”

“No, Ixi.” Azure’s voice trembled. I was surprised that it spoke. It seemed too much in awe of the Ixi to speak, but I had been wrong before. “I am the only one of our hatching who will learn.”

The Ixi’s gaze had shifted from me to Azure. “Ixi do not understand. Why?” I could hardly believe the Ixi asked questions.

“They lack the courage to leave the hall where we live.”

“Only you.”

“Yes.”

“Come closer.” Azure never showed fear. I was proud of Azure, never more than now. The Ixi raised a violet hand, and placed it on Azure’s forehead. It was a painful process, the learning.

Time was difficult to tell in any corridor, but I feared it was getting close to lunch. I caught the Ixi’s gaze. “We must go.” The Ixi relinquished hold on Azure and steadied it until it could stand on its own again. I took Azure’s hand and dragged it away again. It was a bad habit to lose track of time. The Ixi, ever mindful, had its replica keypad for me to relock the cell. “Return in three days.” The force-field closed on the violet-tinged transparent being.

Azure staggered after me. “We can’t rest a moment?”

“No, we stayed too long. We have to hurry.”

Azure set its jaw, and hurried.

We weren’t caught out of bounds. I had only just managed to lock the door when the assistant came. Azure collapsed on its pallet. The assistant didn’t seem to notice. It set lunch out, made the headcount, and left again.

Azure lifted its head and looked at me. “That was too close.”

“Going to have to work on our timing for next time.”

“Next time?” Azure sounded bleak. “I’m not sure I want to go again.”

“The Ixi said to return in three days. It can’t impart all the knowledge at once; it is too great - it hurts too much.”

“Now you tell me.”

“If you would learn, this is the only way. I can’t teach you, I can barely figure it out for myself. You need to eat.” If force-feeding Azure was the only way, I would do it. I had my lunch and Azure’s. My siblings never fought over food, deeming it uncivilized. I curled next to Azure as it had next to me for so many evenings of the Doctor’s breeding program and brushed its mane away from its face. Azure smiled.
Azure lifted its hand, changed it into a plate, and back again. The plate had fur. I laughed.

“Practice is good. The Ixi said so, but eat.”

Azure nodded.

We practiced through the afternoon, changing our fur color and shape. I knew we were barred from changing very far from our basic shape and form. We would never grow or shrink anywhere near a full Ixi. I was working on becoming transparent. I thought I would be able to fool anyone but an Ixi, if I tried. I thought my russet made a good pastel tinge color, the way my Ixi parent was violet. When Azure tried that trick, it chose a bright blue. Azure was mostly blue, and very little transparent. I had a feeling I was, too.

The next morning I made Azure run the corridors with me. It had to be able to travel faster and longer if we were going to keep doing this. We found Second Hatching’s suite. My partner was there, looking at us curiously. He didn’t say anything. He did not want to draw attention of us to his siblings. Did we have parents in common? I thought of the many inhabitants of the Lair, and I thought not. The Doctor seemed to be trying to get as much variation as possible, but why?

Back by lunch, always back home by lunch. Then we practiced in the afternoon. I thought Azure might be more adept at me very soon in the shifting business. It was the same determination that kept Azure on its feet all the way back from the Ixi’s cell that day. I pushed myself harder, trying to stay ahead of it, and Azure worked harder, trying to catch up to me. I hoped we’d make the Ixi proud.

On the appointed day, Azure and I left again. I could tell it was nervous. I was, too, a little. We were almost caught last time. If the Ixi were to teach both of us, as I suspected, since I hadn’t had much more training than what Azure had received last time. Who would tell us when it was time to leave? The Ixi was not so great a timekeeper, but it was likely the way it was teaching. Would another of them keep time? How would it be done in the soundless chambers of Ixi corridor?

How much longer until we could learn it all?

At least Azure wasn’t done in by the time we arrived. It was easier on me, too, after the last couple days. Perhaps we just needed more exercise than we could manage in our garden. The size of our rooms compared to where we wandered was small, indeed, but there were so many inhabitants of the Lair, we couldn’t all have free rein. Could we?

I punched in the code to the Ixi’s door again. It smiled at me, a violet copy of myself again. I wanted to ask why it always copied me, and not the many other people here or something else it had seen or even just kept its own form. It didn’t seem to speak like we did often, preferring to use a mind link to impart knowledge.

I guess it was easier than having it explained, but trying to sift through those created knowings was very difficult for me. Azure seemed to be better at it, but I could tell it still wasn’t easy.

Azure was full of surprises. It changed to the Ixi form, in its telltale bright blue form. I noticed it was slightly transparent around the edges. That it was Azure’s best attempt so far made me smile. The Ixi’s mouth turned up in a grin. “I told you practice was good. Try harder - more transparent.” It moved a hand to Azure and I could see Azure get closer to transparent, though not nearly as much as the Ixi.

Did it really think that Azure could pass for Ixi, eventually?

Not to be left out, I shifted my own form to the russet/transparent form I had worked on. The Ixi moved its other hand to me, and I could tell this time it was guiding my shifting. That was how Azure became more transparent. Physical Ixi guidance felt stranger than the mind link. It was a little unnerving, to have someone else in control of my body. When the Ixi let go, Azure and I both held the form for a few minutes before returning.

“Not bad. Now try to shift your color instead of your form.”

That was much easier for both of us. The Ixi changed colors and we copied it. I could tell Azure was having as much fun as I was. It switched gears before I knew what was happening. Azure was spotted, then striped, then mottled, then every color. The Ixi was watching, and blended exactly into the wall behind it. Azure copied, I could tell where they were by the shadows on the floor only. Then the Ixi lost its shadow. I couldn’t figure out how, even with the guide in my head. I would have to study that move later, in detail, to figure it out.

“You need to go. I don’t know if you can lose your shadow, if you can make the light bend through you. You may not be enough Ixi. If you don’t go now, they will catch you here.”

I looked out for the first time since arriving. The other Ixi were pulsing their colors brightly, like warning beacons. Azure and I both dropped the shift and ran out. I barely remembered to lock the door behind us. I didn’t know how long we’d been there, and I had a feeling time had flown just as fast for Azure.

We were out of breath when we reached our corridor. We returned to our rooms and lay on our pallets. Ephret told us we were early returning today. The Ixi had warned us in plenty of time to return. We found it easy to admire the Ixi, but it was still unknown to us and very strange. The Human had been easier, at least she had worn her expressions outward on her face. It was not conscious effort, as it was with the Ixi.

Lunch was served. Azure and I ate with the others today. This task we had set ourselves was seemingly within our grasp. We could learn from the Ixi. We could visit the other parents. We could figure out who we were. Ever since I had started telling Azure about the visits to the others in the Lair, it had asked what we were. I couldn’t say because I didn’t know. The Doctor was reserving judgment until he managed to breed us. He had others that occupied his time, as he had told me more than once when I thought I was important to him. He kept reminding me that he had other options. Sometimes I just wished I knew what those options were, and why he needed them.

When we practiced that afternoon, we were getting better at being transparent like the Ixi. I still didn’t think we’d pass to someone who’d really seen one, but the siblings were suitably impressed. Azure and I planned to go out walking the next morning to keep the schedule we had set previously.

But the Doctor returned the next day.