It's hard to receive a gift.

What a wonderful gift it was! It made my day. I even mailed my friend, straight away, to tell her about the surprising gift!
It made me feel welcomed and special. Great!
My gift was gifted by anonymous,a bit sad, but understandable. So I wrote a small thank you, on the appropriate location. And I felt even more happy.
Yes, this site was proving more addictive than I had imagined!

It was my friend, the same indeed, who introduced me here. Sending me a link to a funny item about a wallet. My curiosity was awakened. I roamed around the site for many hours. I read some things. Found that I loved to review those.  Started to read and see, just to review. And made my reviews public. Some of "my" authors and artists sent me a reply. It gave me the feeling: "I will even make friends here!" They gave me gift points as well. The system got me fascinated.
Oh, I just loved this site. So I started to write a piece on my notepad. For sure I was going to be a true member of this place!

And then came the gift! From anonymous! A three months upgraded membership!
I felt myself more member of this site than I had ever felt anywhere else! I was going to review many more items!
I was going to publish my first ever piece! I had found a new purpose!
But what happened then, I just don't know.

Perhaps some fear got hold of me. The fear to fail?
Some one had liked my reviews, rewarded me for that. How could I write any more reviews of the same standard? I am nothing special. I have no knowledge about writing. I even hardly read a book.
I read some items, but my judging power had disappeared. No words shaped up in my head to write a review. Sad.
How could I publish my item? Who would think it had any value? It was almost completed, waiting at my notepad for me to return and finish it. But I did not even like to read it again. Let alone have the courage to change and add some words. Disappointing.
And so it happened that I came back every day, but no letter left my keyboard. I had turned a silent member.
And I felt guilty!
Was this the way to thank anonymous for his or her encouragement?
Was this all this site meant to me? Just a brief look around and then leave again?

It took me eleven days.
Eleven days of lack of inspiration. Eleven days of emptiness. Eleven days of feeling pressure and feeling sad.
Finally today my spirit has come back. I'm no more afraid. I read an item and I reviewed. Enjoyed it again.
Inspiring me to write about these eleven lost days.
Trying to understand what happened to me.
I was so happy with my gift, but it proved so hard to receive!
Eleven days it took me, to unwrap it, in my mind. To push away that fear, that I am not as promising as anonymous seemed to think. To gather myself and find back my strength. To be simply able to read, to review, to write.

Thank you so much, for the wonderful gift.
I will enjoy and use it from today!