hope is the first step to dissapointment

I'm hoping against hope that he likes me
that I'm not completely delusional.
that I am capable of being loved back by someone
his friend asks me if I like him
and I hope that he was put up to it
so as I type my heart beats faster and faster
and my mind tells me to despair


Because Hope is the first step on the road to dissapointment.
and if I hope and I'm wrong I can say goodbye.
so if I set my standards low
then I won't be dissapointed.
but
I just want him to know how I feel
but I know if he rejects me my heart will break
coz I know in myself no one loves me
but it would be nice to think they did.

I'm torn between asking him out or becoming the best friend.
In my heart I know I want to be the leading lady.
but my head won't let it win.
but as the months pass and no one loves me..
I get sadder and sadder
and more determined
to let no one in.

I will survive I know it will be true.
as long as I know
that no one can be
foolish enough
to love me.

I work and I slave but every day I crave.
to feel someones arms around my shoulders.
I know in my heart that though I love him
he can't love me and thats ok.
coz I know I always fall for the unattainable.
but they're unattainable because of me.

this fact of life makes my heart slow.
and makes the pain inside my chest throb
and every night as I cry myself to sleep
I know. that it's all my fault

no one can love me coz I won't let them in
I hate myself and pass on the disease
so everyone around me starts to hate me
and I am left alone to my despair.