Out of Darkness

Out of Darkness







I am constantly surrounded by shadows and cursed forever alone. My name? The name given to me on the day of my birth; the name I have been know by for twenty years … it no longer suits me! I am undeserving, of its happy ring, its lyrical shape when spoken by the sweet honeyed voice I had held so close to my heart. The same voice which later ripped my fragile heart from my chest and devoured it before my eyes … the same voice that drove me away, far away. I cannot blame him for what I have become … but I still find myself doing that very thing for which I said I would never do … I hate him! I loathe his very existence. I could never blame those who had hurt me in the past, they didn’t know … but him!? He KNEW he was hurting me, I wonder if he got off on the malicious act of tearing my world asunder. So here I lay, darkness surrounds me. In a land forever night … I walk the shadows and watch, I silently watch. I see horrible things done but I do nothing. I no longer care what happens to peons. Let them die, let them suffer, let them starve. I do nothing I care not for anything. I rather enjoy watching bloodied carnage because if others are in pain my own doesn’t hurt so much. I am like a night stalker … only I don’t kill to sustain my pathetic life … I do it for the sheer pleasure of the horrified look on their face as I begin ripping them to shreds. Call me a sadist, call me evil, call me what you wish I no longer give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of me … it no longer matters … HE already sentenced me to forever be cursed. I can never love … my heart has withered, it is gone … I no longer feel …………………… anything …





Everything Comes to an End …



I am sitting here, on what I guess is my bed, and I am staring at my hands. I feel the tears welling up.

“I don’t feel, DAMMIT!! I don’t feel!” I repeat in between sobs I can’t seem to control. The crimson blood is still covering my talon like hands … His blood … I finally did it, I had gotten my wish … hadn’t I? For five years all I had wanted was his head on a platter, so that I may laugh at him and mock him. But now, now that I had finally brought that wish to fruition I didn’t feel the satisfaction I had once thought I would. Looking back …



***



With one final lunge my already bloodied hand punctured his still well defined chest. I took his beating heart in my hand and slowly squeezed it, wanting to make his suffering last. Tears rolled down his cheeks as blood overflowed his lush lips. On a whim I decided to take his lips one last time … one last blow that would tear him apart. His kiss tasted salty from his tears and metallic from his blood … I enjoyed it!  To my surprise he leaned into it as much as I did.

He’s kissing me BACK!!!!!!  Rang loudly in my head, my eyes sprang open as I broke off the kiss my lips still parted in astonishment. He smiled weakly at me as his body began to shake … I know not whether it was from his injuries or if he was sobbing. He coughed, struggling to breathe. I felt his heart give up; it stopped its rhythmic beating to never start again. His arms managed to worm their way around my neck as he struggled to pull himself closer to me. With what little breath he had left, he leaned towards me and barely whispered.

“I Love you … always,” his eyes dimmed as his arms fell away. My eyes widened, I knew not what to do. I dropped him and he crumpled to the floor like a pile of limbs and torso.





***



I have been sitting here starring at my hands ever since.

“H-he loved me!?” I say releasing another wave of sobs.

Why!? Why did he wait so long to tell me … why did he love ME at all!? Why!?  I couldn't stop asking myself that question. Now I had to revaluate what I know of myself … I do feel, I feel and indescribable sadness that can NEVER be lifted. My love, my only love is dead, BY MY OWN HANDS!!! I shall never be redeemed! I shall spend the rest of my un-holy existence trying to repent … for there is no greater personal sin than killing your only love … and worse yet enjoying most of it! I slump to the floor curling up into a ball. I wrap myself in the shadows letting them embrace me like a mother’s arms, they rock me to try and give me comfort but I know I shall never find comfort anywhere ever again … worst of all I cannot even take my own life. If I ever wish to meet up with my beloved in the next life I cannot take my life with my own hands someone must take it from me…



So this is my quest! I must find a way to be killed …