Fear

Fear is something you wish from the depths of your souls was not happening.
Fear is realizing it is happening again, and yet again you have no control.
Fear is watching the one you love...Self destruct; willing in front of your eyes.
Fear is going to bed not knowing what morning will bring.
Fear is staring out the blinds, waiting for the glow of head lights.
Fear is running out of excuses when the babies ask the same questions everyday.
Fear is waking up & trying to keep going; even all you want to do is go to bed and cry your soul out.
Fear is weeping in your sleep; only to find the tears still flowing in the morning.
Fear is looking at your bills and realizing just how
serious the situation is.
Fear is admitting you have to protect your children from their own father.
Fear is facing each day and night hoping he will be alright, wherever he is and whatever he is doing.
Fear is trying to block out the image of you weeping over his coffin...babies in toe.
Fear is trying to keep your face and smile for the world;
when yours is crashing down around you.
Fear is trying to keep a raging, uncontrollable force calm;
yet on the other side of the fence.
Fear is watching your light go out... while the wound inside you is bleeding like a flood.
Fear is facing everyone in your life and having to admit you have covered up & hidden the turmoil and repeat destruction of your everyday life.
Fear is realizing you bet on the same dark horse in the last race, then watched as he pulled up and let you down, one..more...time.
Fear is something that truly never goes away.
Fear teaches you suspicion of others and not to trust  the given word.
Fear has been part of my life for too long now
and has taught me more than I want to know.
Fear is the one thing I wish would losen its hold and
finally let me go.                                                                                                              

T.S. Rabalais
05/11/05
(no tears involved, thank the lord)