FLYIN' BACK HOME

FLYIN' BACK HOME

I was flyin back home out of Dublin
The Monday just past Patrick's Day
T'was weepy I was at the leavin'
When overhead we heard "Delay"
To another terminal were directed
And told t'would not be very long
So I sat and I cried for a moment
Then I began to think up this song

Flyin' back home out of Dublin
My luggage declared tampered free
Just wonder why someone who'd tamper with it
Would be stupid enough to tell me?

As I sat in the airport in Dublin
Wiping from my eyes salty tears
I pondered just why our flight might be delayed
And dealt with a few silly fears
I met a wee stepdancer from Pittsburgh
Who proudly showed off her hard shoes
And a lass comin' back from a weddin' in Cork
Who told me her single girl blues

And then the news came of a new flight
To a different gate we were sent
Off we went dragging our wheelies
Quite frankly, by now I was spent
Please be patient, we'll board in a minute
So sorry, they said, for the fuss
When they announced the "All Clear" sign for boarding
Off we headed for that big green airbus

Flyin' back home out of Dublin
My luggage declared tampered free
Just wonder why someone who'd tamper with it
Would be stupid enough to tell me?

"Now, ladies and gents, beggin' pardon
We now must await other crew
There were technical problems on one plane
But this jet's bigger and it's new..."
So we waited and our new attendant
Boarded and off we did fly
T'was raining ascending from Dublin
As I waved a wet tearful good-bye

In thirty-five minutes we landed
A layover in Manchester where
They whisked us right off of Aer Lingus
Down empty hallways and a stair
By then we were all pretty weary
Ah but now the games were to begin
The unsuspecting Irish travellers
Were guilty of some airborne sin...

We first caught on when our security checks
Were takin' longer than our flight
A good twenty five minutes per person
At this rate, we'd be here 'till tonight
Unfortunately, our next flight was leavin'
And four of us had to go pee
The Manchester Hostess with the Mostess
Said "Too bad!" and glared right at me

And one employee right behind us
Was readin' the passenger list
Outloud to someone at the end of the phone
Seemed not one Irish name did they miss
The roll call went on for some minutes
Past the Murphys, O'Connells and Tooles
Past the Bradys and Learys and Creary's
Thought they were onto somethin', the great fools!

Well, we passengers just about had it...
We were soon to be late for our flight
Another girl and me, we STILL had to pee
I was crossin' my legs with my plight
We were mumbling and grumbling and restless
When a fellow from Dublin spoke out
"They do this to all of the AerLingus flights."
At which the counter lady looked up with a pout

"We do not!" she growled in my direction
I wondered what the heck did I do?
Then I simply decided sheer rudeness
Was the tell tale mark of a shrew
"What's the problem then?" said the Dubliner
(Not his name but he'll know that 'tis he)
We're soon to be missing our US AIR flight
Departure's at one, but will we?"

"Well, not my fault," said Miss Lack of Manners
"Your plane was delayed and you sat
Twenty minutes, fully boarded on the runway
So there...go ahead...explain that!"
We passengers looked at each other
And one after one, rolled our eyes
Right away we knew what they were thinking
We were all bloody IRA spies...

Or maybe they thought we were smuggling guns
(But t'would be the wrong way goin' out)
"Has anyone tampered with your suitcase?" said she
Said I, "Would they tell me? I doubt!"
I thought she might throw me in handcuffs
So shocked was the look on her face
And Me? I decided to just go for broke
"Now find me a bathroom in this place."

We all finally got through the secruity line
Got escorted so we could go pee
We all made it back to America
From far 'cross the Atlantic Sea
I often think back on my journey
And the lesson I learned on its knee
If a terrorist tampers with your bags and tells
You darn well better tell Security....

Flyin' back home out of Dublin
My luggage declared tampered free
Just wonder why someone who'd tamper with it
Would be stupid enough to tell me?