Twas a Night to Remember

'Twas the night before Christmas, and I was getting slammered
Not a woman was stirring, at least with low enough standards
The mall Santas were slung by the counter with care,
In hopes that Jack Daniels soon would soon be there.

The Bill was nestled all snug next to the toilet
No worries I took digital photos to later exploit it
And that bastard had puked where I needed to crap,
I should throw him outside in the yellow snow to nap.

When out to the front arose such a clatter,
I looked up from my beer to see what was the matter.
And though I was realized I was running low on cash
I knew I could get this girl, she was slutty white trash

Her breast where white as the new-fallen snow
gave the luster of growing to objects below,
when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
She sat next to me and asked: “can you buy me a beer?”

With my little old driver, that would be my prick,
I bought her six shots and I bought them real quick.
She downed all six as soon as they came,
and she whistled and shouted “Bitch, what’s my name!!!”

Oh shit… I had forgot!!
Now I am thinking it was Susan!
I thought about this piece of ass I was loosing!!
Now was it... Liz or Vickie!
Or Camellia! Or Sarah?!
Or Donna or Kiki!
Just fill up her drinks!
Will drink till we fall!
Now drink away! Drink away!
Drink away all!

Her eyes--how they twinkled! Her dimples, how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, each nipple like a cherry!
All the while I was thinking where to dock my boat,
I somehow overlooked that slight lump on her throat.
Look at that hiney, it is so round and it is so tight
But somehow I missed that front bulge she tucked just right
She had a broad face and a little bit of a belly,
I was a little confused when she said lets leave, and get some KY Jelly.

I wish I had heard barkeep say as we walked out of sight
"Dude you do know…you do know that she’s a transvestite!"