I'll Be Alone For Christmas

I’LL BE ALONE FOR CHRISTMAS
To the tune of “I’ll Be Home For Christmas”

I’ll be alone for Christmas,
You can count on that.
I fart too much
And burp too much
And no one likes my cats

Sure, I have, like twenty
And yes, they’re caked with fleas
I’ll be alone for Christmas
And eating lots of beans

I’ll be alone, for Christmas,
On this, you can depend.
No one cares,
For my nose hairs
Nor my derriere’s foul wind

Christmas eve will find me,
Eating Boy-Ar-Deeeeee!
I’ll be alone for Christmas
And lounging in my briefs!

Yes, in my skid marked briefs…