Day I saved Halloween and the World

920 word
So I pulled up to the house the Halloween party was at. I was in my brand new sleek red 2007 Mazda RX-8. I sat in my car for a minute while I lifted up my shirt sleeves and just kinda admired myself as I flexed my muscles. I got out and leaned up against my car for a few minutes. As I stood there and posed beside my car, I could see that the neighbors were impressed because they just stood at their windows and stared at me in awe as if I was the second Jesus or something.

I got finished making the lives of the neighbors a little better (because they got to look at me) and I went up to the party. The hottie at the door was the girl that invited me. “You are not in a costume.” she said. I could tell that she wanted me.

I said. “Yes I am. I came as the man of your dreams.” She pretty much fainted from delight and I carried her inside. When the other girls there saw me carrying the hottie, they all got jealous. I said “Don’t worry, there’s enough of me to go around.”

They had a ton of pumpkins there. They were having some sort of pumpkin contest. I don’t really know what it was about, because I was busy deciding which girl I was gonna help to make her fantasies come true.

All of a sudden, the pumpkins started coming to life! The pumpkins said. “We are pumpkins. We hate people, especially on Halloween. We will kill you all.” Everyone started screaming and panicing, except for me. I was calm as can be. I took off my shades and stared straight at the pumpkins and said “Not on my watch.”

I took on eight pumpkins at one time. One of them swung at my head and I dodged it with ease just like that guy on the Matrix. “Let’s do the monster mash.” I said. I laid my boot right into that pumpkin and turned him into pumpkin pie. Another pumpkin tried to get me in a chokehold. I said “You’ve been standing up for too long. Why don’t you have a SEED!” I punched him square in the midsection and he exploded, showering seeds everywhere.

Two pumpkins came at me from opposite sides. They were trying to gang up on me. I took one step back. “Have you boys met?” I said. I put a hand behind each of them and smashed them into each other. Pumpkin guts got all over my new Armani shirt. I was pissed.

The next pumpkin that took me on was kinda weak. I laughed at him and took my shades off and stared him down and said “You might be a fruit, but you should eat your vegetables.” I karate chopped him right down the middle and he split into two identical pieces.

Finally there was only one left. It was a female pumpkin. “Please don’t hurt me.” it said. “I am a girl pumpkin and I only want to make humans happy.” For a pumpkin, she was pretty hot actually.

I said “Okay pumpkin. I’ll make your night. You can help us humans out.” I winked at all the people who were by now applauding me and saying how great I am.

“Oh good. You are a very handsome human. I want to go out with you.” the pumpkin said.

I took the pumpkin into the kitchen. I kissed it so that later on I could tell people that I made out with a hot pumpkin. I took a knife and started carving a top in her.

She screamed: “Stop. That hurts.” I told her to calm down and that everything would be alright. I cut the top out and she kept screaming. I was getting pretty irritated with her by now.

I reached in and started taking out all the pumpkin guts. She cried and tried to get me to feel sorry for her, but it wasn’t working. I pulled all the guts out and threw them in the disposal. She screamed that those were her insides. I politely told her to shut her mouth because I was working and her constant mouthing off made me angry.

Next I carved out the eyes and nose and a scary spooky mouth. I made a jack-o-lantern! She kept complaining that it hurt and a bunch of nonsense, but by that point I had stopped listening to her. I put a candle inside her to light the jack up. She said it burned so I told her if she complained again I would toss her in front of a moving bus.

Everyone cheered when they saw that I had made a jack-o-lantern. “You saved the day and we all love you.” they cheered. I knew I had saved the day and that I was great, but I enjoyed hearing them say it anyways, even though they yelled it too loud and the noise pissed me off a bit.

I put the jack o lantern out front. It served as a warning against pumpkins who want to kill human: they’ll have to go through me first. I went home happy that I saved the day and that I gave a female pumpkin the chance to do something good for humanity. I know that made the female pumpkin very happy on the inside.