Plot - Current - Needs Feedback

Plot – Draft 3 – 2 November 2006

Next Iteration:


1) Include chapters on RFLA explaining how pagan religions manipulated to keep social order.

MC: Main Character – Male Knight - Todopolous (Tod)
LintFC – Love Interest Female Character – Cass - Worker; Belongs to outlaw religion
RFLA – Royal Feudal Lord Antagonist – Male
SORM – Senior Ordained Religious Mentor
MTSDA – Muscle Turns Secret Double Agent

BOOK 1:

Prologue: Rogue Brain comes up with idea for religion. Considers it a divine revelation; an act of genius on his part. At end of prologue show idea came from higher intelligence forms of life:

How will he plant the seeds for the religion in the real world?
How will he construct safe places for the religious members to hide?
How will he keep the other Brains from knowing what he did? How do Brains work?

Chapter 1: Tod herding criminals to stockades to await punishments
Subordinate soldier brutally beating Cass; Tod finds unnecessary; intercedes; tries to herd Cass along like others; others all obey out of fear; Cass stands up to out of sense of conscience and duty to religion – risks death; impresses Tod; he becomes curious about what she believes that could make her take such a risk and is impressed by her.

What did she do to impress him this way?

Chapter 2: Tod talks to Cass; exposed to her religion and what it stands for; does not feel like she has committed a crime; swayed by romantic feelings

Exactly what is religion all about? What are the specifics? The rites, rituals, prayers, beliefs, hopes, practices, motivation? How does it work?

Chapter 3: Tod helps Cass escape; nearly caught himself and escapes with her; goes underground as a criminal who abandoned knighthood – punishable by death.

How do they attempt escape? How do they nearly get caught? How do they get away? Make exciting action-adventure.

What exactly motivates Tod to stick his neck out for her? Sense of justice? Romantic feelings? Love?

Where do they go?

Chapter 4: Cass introduces him to her cell; Explains her religion in more detail; he is interested but skeptical; connects feelings of love with his feelings towards Cass; cell suspicious of him – possible spy – he has to prove himself to them; they are standoffish and mistrusting at first – just let him in because of Cass’s word.

Make his transition to religion gradual. Make this an awkward chapter. Uncomfortable. Both for him and for them.

How do you explain love feelings connected to religion? Explain intimating – a manufacture of this religion – introduction to agape feelings of love.

Chapter 5: RFLA tells king of religion and its threat to his society. Given permission to mount persecution campaign against them. RFLA describes in detail the relationship between the pagan gods and how the royalty through the government manipulates the pagan god worship to control masses. Tell danger of new religion here. States theme here. Describe some of the gods for the different classes here.

Chapter 6: RFLA describing plan to set spies out to countryside to infiltrate cells and break up religion.

How will he infiltrate cells? How will he organize an intelligence network? Which caste will he draw his spies from – workers, knights or government – or spies for all castes?

Chapter 7: Tod introduced to SORM – in other cell; asks to be baptized; asks him to mentor him; SORM accepts.

How does Tod meet SORM? Who introduces him? How does he get contact to other cell? Does this mean they trust him more?

How do I show trust level on both sides has gone up? How do I show his knowledge of religion has increased greatly?

What is equivalent of baptism? Why does this religion have baptism? A rite to show you are officially a member of religion only? Or deeper meaning?

Where does Tod learn of mentorship? Where does he learn about SORM? Why does he choose SORM for mentor? Why would SORM accept? See special potentials in each other?

Chapter 8: SORM gives him his first assignment; Infiltrate MUSCLES and try to sway them to religion;

How can you expect dumb MUSCLES to switch to this new God? Would it be better to choose a different caste? Which one? One of OVERSEER castes?

How is approach made? Are identities kept anonymous – Tod and Cass disguised? How are Tod and Cass protected? How is proposal made? Where? To whom?

Chapter 9: Tod gets in a bind; MUSCLE Leader rats on him as a way to gain liberation from outside slavery; KNIGHTS closing in on him when he learns of betrayal;

Whose point of view? How do we know traitor rats on Tod? Separate sub-scene?
What character does he rat to? Does RFLA have a part in this chapter? Is his only role to be informed or does he have role of making decision what to do? Do I show him deciding on a double agent here or wait until later? What is time scale on which this is all happening?

BOOK 2:

Chapter 10: Tod has narrow exciting escape; returns to cell, MUSCLE MTSDA escapes with him and enters cell with him as recruit – really a secret agent for RDFL.

Details of escape? Exciting. Do not give away it is rigged.

How does escape happen? How does Tod learn he has been betrayed? How does he get away? How do I make it nip and tuck? Is there violence?

Chapter 11: SORM conducts mentorship of Tod; Tod baptized.

Almost part of Chapter 7:

What is equivalent of baptism? Why does this religion have baptism? A rite to show you are officially a member of religion only? Or deeper meaning?

How do I show trust level on both sides has gone up? How do I show his knowledge of religion has increased greatly?

Why does this chapter occur here as opposed to somewhere else?

Chapter 12: RDFL given report of how MC’s escape rigged by government and how they were using him to keep tab on SORM and try to get tabs on religious leaders;

Why not have flashback where RDFL had planned double agency and knew all about this stuff? Sitting around a Flick table with generals listening? Getting reports of Tod’s cell’s whereabouts from double agent information.

Chapter 13: Love chapter between Tod and Cass; Develops grounds for romance.

This should be developed more gradually and alluded to in earlier chapters and relationship developed throughout book. State that they become intimates in this chapter.

Chapter 14: Tod ordained as minister; Given new assignments:Cass to talk to HEALERS. Tod: work on workers or OVERSEERS;

Why not go ahead and have Tod work on Workers already? Or else PARENTS?

Where is the action? Can’t have a carbon copy of Chapter 8. Need a dynamic exciting chapter here. How will I do this?

Should I split into 2 chapters? 2 parts of chapters linked together somehow?

What makes these scary? Can info given by double agent be used to almost catch the two here?

Chapter 15: Brains give report of religion they thought out. For king

Rogue Brain fesses up; Other brains analyze social impact of religion for report for king:

What is social impact? It will be negative. How will I make conclusions different from those of chapter 5? How will I show differences in the ways Brains operate over all other creatures? How will I show their superior intelligence?

Chapter 16: Queens report mutations;

To whom? To healers? How can they attribute this to new religion? Do they? How can they tell they have mutations? What are mutations? How does religion manifest itself as a mutation in new offspring of queens? How can one tell?

Chapter 20: Tod talks to workers; heads of union like institutions – gets support

Is this in open now? Are these union leaders powerful enough to flaunt government, royalty and knights?

How does Tod present to unions? Which unions? What unions? How can there be unions in this society? How do I show unions are corrupt?

Chapter 21: RDFL reports to king; gets permission for all out assault on religion;

Need report given to RDFL of this development; discussion of seriousness of dangers to society, report to king.

Chapter 22: MTSDA from Chapter 10 turns on government and tells Tod of government campaign;

Why does MTSDA do so? Has he become enamored of religion? Fond of members of cell? Acts on hatred of government – finally works up courage?

Won’t it be obvious government is enacting all out campaign once it starts? Is he warning of a 1-day blitzkrieg by government?

Have Tod feed MTSDA misinformation back to RDFL to be able to call and hide council from authorities?

Chapter 23: Religion holds council to decide what to do;

What is Tod’s office now? What is SORM’s now? How did Tod get elected/chosen for leader? When? What chapter? What is Cass’s relationship in this now? How do members with more seniority feel about Tod leading? How do members distrustful of former Knight feel?

What is hierarchy of council? How is word given out for council to meet? How do I describe all this? How can this be done in time?

Chapter 24: Decide to run and search for Caves of ____. Caves a historically referred to sanctity from the elements that no one is sure whether really exists or not.

Arguments for and against. Description of Caves this way and success or failure odds of journey. Preparation date.


BOOK 3:

Chapter 25: Knights under RDFL prepare to raid cells;

How did they get information on all the cells? Over what time frame? How much of religious operation do they know about? How many leaders?

Why didn’t they act earlier if they knew all this. Why did they wait?

How will they carry this out?

Chapter 26: Religion organizes and steals out in middle of night; Tod chose to lead now; Cass by his side as his woman; autumn.

How can they get away without being seen? Large group. Who organizes them? How do they get word out to masses of religion? Especially when members mixed up in society with other non-members?

Where do they go? Out the door into the elements? Where do they get protection? Don’t they have any protection planned at all? What can they do to fend off the elements and develop technology to fend off the elements as they go.

Have them bring a religious shrine with them. Like Tabernacle? Something they can gather around and pray around asking for protection from the environment.

Chapter 27: Knights report to RDFL. They are frustrated and angry.

How did Knights miss them? If they had such good intelligence on cells how come they did not know they slipped out the back door?

How does RDFL react? What’s his next move? Do I say they will go after them here or wait and just have them show up at end? Wait


Chapter 28: Enter wild country; become exposed to elements; describe dangers; have one attack from elements.

Have electrical storm; physical effects chapter; describe both protection and losses; religious reaction to death;

Chapter 29: Tod leads them to develop coping skills; using Flick for shelter from storms; pray to god.

Further development of protection technology; Another attack – this time thunderstorm – spawns cyclones – fare better.

Chapter 30: Elements take many people; Another adventure in wilds; Continue with pilgrimage. End in sight. Prayers of thanks.

Chapter 31: Find caves; Hold Thanksgiving religious ceremony.

How do they exist in caves? How will they survive summer and winter? What is special about caves? How do they look? What is magical about them? Why are they such a mystery – stuff of legend?

Chapter 32: Wake up to find RDFL and his army of KNIGHTS at foot of mountains caves reside in. Outnumbered and have no defense. KNIGHTS have slaves carrying FLICK umbrellas to protect KNIGHTS and RDFL. KNIGHTS advance on religion.

Why did they never see them before? If RDFL and Knights had dromedaries how come they didn’t catch up sooner? Describe how they must have left later. But if left later, how did they find and follow their trail?

Chapter 33: Spaceships with advanced race of aliens lands to rescue religion. Aliens have no physical bodies but are of the spirit and interact with religious members through their minds.

How will this work? How will aliens interact with ChiPods? How will aliens’ love and hope be expressed? How can analogy between aliens and a god be drawn? Where do the aliens take the religious members? What do they do with them? Will they lose their bodies too? Will they take them to a heaven-like planet?

EPILOGUE:

RDFL and KNIGHTS understand correctness of religion. Understand they were right. Beseech aliens for passageway off planet. Refused. Told they are not ready yet.