It's that time of year

It is October getting close to November then December will be on us.
Oh how I dread this part of the year! For many years I have no idea why I get so very upset in the last 3 months of the year.

Is it something from childhood? Something from my teens? I guess I will never know as my main family have past away so I can get no answers.
As if it is not already bad enough for me I now get told yet another member of my family is terminally ill! I just don’t know how to handle things it’s so hard to comprehend.

I have our two wonderful children/grownups now both have the sweetest babes well I have to say that they are our grandchildren and I love them so much it hurts.
I see the sweetest faces light up when all the new toys are advertised, such excitement when Father Christmas is mentioned!
I feel sure the hurt and sorrow that falls down over me at this time is because childhood was very hard my parents had nothing and the marriage was very testing very difficult for us all at home.
Now I have grown and have my own children and grandchildren and the love of my life things should not feel so bad but try as I do I can’t lift this sorrow that will stay now until the New Year.

Oh well I will have to deal with things as I have done other years but it seems to get harder.

My one wish would be to have a wonderful happy Christmas with my dearest husband, children and grandchildren; instead everyone seems to be very careful around me this time of year.
May be next year will be better! Who am I kidding?