People Are Fragile Things, part 1

And so I, I don't even know how, found myself walking trough half-empty streets of Oslo. Half-empty as much as they can be at 1 in the moring. I think it was a bold move, a walk troughout the unknown city, but, I had the feeling like I know where I'm going and that everything will be alright.

Tonight's scenes were playing in my head. From the moment I entered the club until now. And I wasn't happy with what I saw. I couldn't believe I can be such a horrible person. I felt sick and was fighting with it. Hot tears started falling down my face for a few times, but I wiped them quickly while I was saying out loud ''You're strong, you can do it without crying…''

Somehow, my heart was hurting me. It looked like my heart's more broken than the one's whose should be broken. One who doesn't even know why he's heart was supposed to be broken. I tried to convince myself I shouldn't be so upset because of it because nothing actually happened, and that Mario's heart won't be broken in the end. He'll understand, he'll say it's ok. I was already thinking what I'm gonna say to him. Not in one moment, not in one, have I thought to do it, cheat on him. I didn't. Maybe it was alcohol or great atmosphere that brought me into Thomas' embrace, but there was nothing else but the hug!

I was feeling guilty anyway. In this one moment I convinced myself so much that I have to run at the airport and fly to London, and find Mario there. But instead, I took a deep breath and the crazy idea passed. And then really wierd thoughts started running trough my head. Thousadns of questions with thousands of answers on each one.

Suddenly I was sure that Mario cheated on me and I couldn't hold tears anymore. I couldn't calm down for a while, and when I finally stopped crying, I noticed I was on some kind of a square, something… somewhere I've never been before!

I started panicking. I wanted to ask someone how to get to some street I know, but I couldn't remember the name of any street. And I didn't wanted to risk. I turned around, hoping I might return to the club the same way I came, but on one crossing my mind totally blocked.

And so I was standing all alone and crying somewhere in the middle of Oslo. And I was thinking, 'Oh Neena, which devil brought you to Oslo?' A wish to see how's it like to study in a foreign country, wish to see some people I know, to spend more than five days with them… and Mario is in london.

I took my cellphone out of my purse and started thinking who could I call. I realized I had no other options but to call Thomas. I dialed the number and called.

''Where the hell are you, I've been looking for you everywhere!'' I heard a bit angry, but scared voice. I turned around and read him something from one sign which I concluded was the street name. I heard him saying ''I'm coming!'' and then he hang up.

It took few minutes for him to come. He was running, and when he noticed me, he slowed down and approached to me slowly. He looked me in the eyes. I could see in his look that he was feeling sorry for everything. He asked me how am I, and I murmured I'm ok. We were stading in silence for a few minutes, and then he said 'Let's go.'

I turned after him and started following him. He was saying something that it makes no sense to return to club and that he's taking me home. As much as I tried to hold my head down, I couldn't stop looking at him. I wasn't thinking about what (might) happened earlier anymore. I just didn't care. He was looking for me, he picked me up, and that was keeping me happy for a while. We were half way trough when I asked him:

''Do you like when people are honest with you?''
''Depends on what I hear. If it's good or bad.''
''And are you honest to other people?''
''Neena, why are you asking me this?''
''Because I want you to be honest with me.''
''I don't understand…''
''Tell me… What do you th… no… How do you feel? In this moment? Honestly.''
''Honestly? Confused. And a bit angry.''
''Why are you angry?''
''I'm angry at myself. Because I like a taken girl.''

In that moment, he turned his head away from me, as if he doesn't like me seeing expression on his face. I decided to wait for a few moments.

''Sorry…'' He said, and I decided to continue.
''How much do you like her?''
''A lot. But I can't compete with her boyfriend.''
''Why do you think that?''
''Dammit, Neena, just stop it!''
''All right, I'll stop it! But I gotta tell you something. Honestly.''
''Oh yeah? What?''
''I can't look at your face. I can't stand being close to you!''

After I said it, he looked so damn shocked… He had really wierd look in his eyes. On some strange way I could feel his hear beating madly. Somekind of weakness caught me, and I started breathing heavilly. Thomas just blinked. He didn't look like he could move anywhere from here. I had the feeling like he could stay here all night. I had to break this wierd tension somehow.

''How long do we know each other? Three months?''

Thomas didn't say anything. He waited for me to continue.

''What the hell are you waiting for? Kiss me!'' I said to him, and the smile appeared on his face.