All I Want to Know

"Okay…(pant, pant)…Okay, I’m up here…Now what?…Yoo-hoo…anybody here?"

"Yes, my child, I am here. I am always here."

"Where? I don’t see you."

"I am hidden from view, and I prefer to keep it that way."

"Oh. That was some climb! If I’d known it would be that hard, I never would have come. People could get killed."

"Yes, that’s true. Why did you come?"

"Skip the small talk and get to the subject, eh? I came because my husband told me you are the smartest man on earth."

"And you have some questions for me?"

"I want to know: should I leave my husband?"

"I don’t even know him. How would I know the answer to that?"

"Oh. I could tell you about him."

"Still, that doesn’t seem like a question someone else should answer for you. Did your husband know what it was you wanted to ask?"

"Oh yes. He said I should ask you and do whatever you say."

"Did he know how difficult the journey would be?"

"He knows a lot about climbing. I don’t though. I’ve never been climbing before."

"Do you think he wants you to stay with him?"

"I don’t really know. I suppose so, or he wouldn’t have sent me all this way, dangerous as….Whoa! Maybe he doesn’t care how dangerous it is. Maybe he knows that you know, since you’re so smart, that he doesn’t want me…and he just doesn’t want to tell me himself."

"Trust your instincts. He hasn’t, say, taken out a big insurance policy on you recently, has he?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, he did. He said if he did that, he knew I’d be safe. You know, like carrying an umbrella so it won’t rain? That lying…."

"Yes, I see…."

"I’ll show him. I’ll tell him that you said yes, I should stay with him."

"That might not be wise."

"Then what should I do?"

"Whatever you think best. But for now, I’d suggest that since you came all this way, you might want to ask me some, uh, deeper questions."

"Like what?"

"Like, ‘Is there really a God?’ or ‘What must I do to find happiness?’"

"All right, is there?"

"Yes."

"That’s all, just yes?"

"Yes."

"I could do that well with one of those Magic 8 Balls. Do you remember those? Turn them upside down and you get the answer. You don’t have one of those, do you?"

"Don’t you have anything else you want to know?"

"I’m sorry you’re in such a hurry to get rid of me, but I didn’t see any line coming up the mountain, that’s for sure."

"Look, lady…."

"All right. I’ll ask that other one. ‘What must I do to find happiness?’ That sounds pretty corny, if you ask me."

"I didn’t. You asked me. And the answer is, ‘You don’t find happiness. You carry it with you.’"

"That’s it?"

"Yes, that’s the answer all right. Anything else?"

"Yeah, one more. Is there an easier way down?"