Just a Brief Call

Just A Brief Call

1st Place: Make Them Fall in Love contest

“Hello”

“Hello, is this Miss Hayford?”

“Um, no. But it is Miss Wayford.”

“Alice?”

“No Brenda, Alice has moved. Is this another annoying telemarketer?”

“Oh, my apologies Miss… Wayford, no…well yes, I mean….how are you this evening?”

“Well now that all depends. How can I help you, Mister….?”

“Larson, Dell Larson.”

“Dell? Like the compu-“

“Yes, like the computer.”

“Well, Mister Dell Larson like the computer, again I ask, are you an annoying telemarketer? Because believe it or not I wasn’t sitting and waiting for you to call, I have a catastrophe of a date to get ready for, and right now telemarketers aren’t too high on my who deserves my spare time list.”

“I see, well it was just a brief call….”

“Dell?”

“Yes?”

“You are an annoying telemarketer aren’t you?”

“ Well, technically….no, um…well, you see……”

“Dell?”

“Yes?”

“Aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Thought so, now listen, usually this is the part where I start explaining some excruciating details of where you can shove certain parts of your phone. But Dell, for some reason unbeknownst to me I’m feeling benevolent tonight so I’m gonna give you three seconds to hang up before I start telling you what lowlife pieces of we know what you people really are. Ok, ready…one…two…”

“‘Tempted fate will leave the loftiest star,’ sorry to have bothered you Miss Wayford. Have a nice evening.”

“Dell?”

“Yes?”

“Did you just quote Lord Byron?”

“Yes. And it’s not a phone.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yes I did, and it’s not a phone that I’d have to shove wherever you so graciously might suggest. You see they use computers with headsets now, which I’m just guessing would be way more uncomfortable to shove just about anywhere.”

“He he, very cute.”

“Why thank you. Well, Miss Wayfor-“

“Call me Brenda”

“Ok…er…..Brenda…again I’m sorry to have bothered you. I do hope you have a nice eve-”

“Dell?”

“Yes?”

“What did you mean?”

“I’m sorry?”

“The Lord Byron quote, to what were you referring?”

“Well, us of course….you and I, here…now. Fate.”

“Fate?”

“Yes, fate. You know, that which is inevitably predetermined, having powers above and beyond our standard beliefs and comprehension. Against which even the most complex of calculators, the sharpest of minds, the strongest of wills, and the most guarded of hearts stand nary a chance. Destiny…Love…Fate.”

“Oh my.”

“Either that or it was just a sly ruse to continue the conversation because you sound so damn cute.”

“Nice one….and thanks. So how, may I ask, did someone so effortlessly charming, at least moderately educated, and so, albeit self proclaimed, in tune with fate end up as a telemarketer?”

“Actually I just do this for fun. During the day I’m actually a brain surgeon.”

“Really!?”

“No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.”

“Ok, now that was a little funny.”

“Thanks, I’m actually a comedian in training as well.”

“Ha ha, will this zaniness never stop?”

“I certainly hope not.”

“Dell?”

“Yes?”

“Why am I still talking to you?”

“I already told you, fate”

“Fate?”

“Yes, fate. Remember Lord Byron”

“Oh, right. Ok, I’m intrigued…please explain.”

“You see, once upon a time, I was married to the greatest little wife in the whole wide world except for one teeny little detail that took a while to surface….”

“Which was?”

“She enjoyed having sex with men that…..well, weren’t me.”

“Ouch!”

“You’re telling me. So anyhow you could probably see where that would put a damper on striving for the perfect marriage.”

“Well, yeah. And I am sorry to hear-”

“Eh, live and learn. What doesn’t kill ya, blah, blah, blah. So anyways, once she and I finally discussed our true feelings for each other and the number of people we had sex with not in the room at the time, we decided divorce was inevitable.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes.”

“How many?”

“Divorces?”

“No, men…other than you I mean?”

“None of your business. Gosh lady, I hardly know you.”

“You know what, you’re right. I’m sorry for even asking. Please forgi-.”

“Six.”

“Oh my god, what a whore!”

“Whoa, killer.”

“Oh my, what language, sorry again.”

“You’re fine, I mean you’re right. In fact, I believe that’s what I said when I found out as well.”

“So let me try and take it from here, she left with your best friend and took everything including the dog. You started binge drinking, lost your job, wore the same dirty clothes day after day, moved into a cheap hotel, and became a telemarketer only to eventually call me on this magical eve. Close?”

“So very. Actually, I moved out, my best friend moved in with her.”

“Nice.”

“I know…anyhow from there you’re a bit off. You see I regained my spirit, became an author, got published, wrote a bestseller about that bitch, bought a beach house in Florida, and started a research based job for the sole purpose of gaining experience for my next novel, in which a lowly telemarketer longing for love ends up finding it in the most unlikely of places.”

“A screwed up sales call?”

“Give the lady a prize.”

“What do I win?”

“Later.”

“Mmmmm.”

“From there of course, I would call on you, on this, as you so eloquently put it, magical eve. Oh, and I got the dog. Now I ask you, does th-”

“What kind?”

“What kind what?”

“The dog, what kind?”

“Oh, he’s a Pug. Now I ask you, does thi-”

“What’s his name?”

“The Pug?”

“Yes.”

“Jake, his name is Jake. Now I ask you-”

“Aww, Jake the Pug. How cute.”

“Would you please…?”

“Sorry.”

“Ok, now I ask you, does this not sound like fate?”

“Ok, yes especially if you consider- oh, that’s my other line. Um...I should answer it, could be….would you want to hold?….or-”

“Actually Brenda, I think I’m going to go quit my job now. Why don’t you go get that call and cancel your date. I’ll give you a call back in about ten minutes. That way we can continue this conversation. What d’ya say?”

“You’re serious?”

“‘Tempted fate will leave the loftiest star.’”

“Right, Lord Byron……I can’t believe I’m saying this….Ok….. I’ll talk to you in a bit Dell.”

“Looking forward to it, Brenda.”

^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^

“Hello?”

“Hey Brenda, you sound surprised to hear back from me.”

“Not surprised, no. Just…..This is all becoming a bit odd is all.

“Define odd.”

“Well….ok……. you see…. I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”

“I can.”

“Yeah, yeah. Anyways, I’ve been dating this guy for a little while. My friends all think he’s a yutz.”

“A yutz?”

“Yeah a yutz.”

“Is he?”

“Is he what?”

“Is he a yutz?”

“I guess so, I dunno. To be honest, I don’t even know what a yutz is. Anyhow, this morning my best friend Kathy was trying to convince me to cancel with him tonight and go out with them…..why again, am I telling you this?”

“Fate, go on”

“That’s just it! When I turned her offer down she looked me right in the eyes and said that fate would take over and show me a sign tonight. She actually said the word fate! She’s never been that serious before, not about this kinda stuff. She said I owed it to myself to search out and follow the sign, to give in to fate. So here I am, babbling to some guy I don’t even know. And a telemarketer at tha- ”

“Ex-telemarketer, current author.”

“Author, telemarketer. Honestly Dell, I don’t care if you’re a CIA agent at this point. It’s still all a bit the other side of weird, don’tcha think?”

“Fair enough. Although if I were a CIA agent, that might explain a few of the coincidences that we’ve encountered thus far.”

“I do love a man with a sense of humor.”

“And I’m that man…… speaking of which, did you cancel your date with the yutz?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe.”

“Well then, maybe you’d like to have some coffee and pie with me tonight? I promise if you say yes, I’ll quit my job as a telemarketer.”

“Oh my, how noble. I thought you already quit. Besides, however will you do your character study for the new book?”

“You seem to have your average telemarketer pretty well pinned.”

“I should, I just stopped dating one this evening.”

“He was a tele-ha ha, will the coincidences never stop?”

“I certainly hope not.”

“Ah-hem…so….. Brenda, I’m guessing it would be just a tad cliché to start asking about your favorite color or your lifelong wishes and aspirations at this point, so I think I’ll just play it cool and keep the subject matter sexual if it’s all the same to you.”

“And yet again he manages to make me chuckle.”

“Moving ever so close to the much heralded and fiercely fought after ‘I like you’.

“I do like you Dell. A whole lot more than a girl should like an author turned ex-telemarketer that she’s never actually met who called her house asking for her sister at dinnertime for…hey, why did you call originally anyway?”

“Fate.”

“Fate?”

“Yes, fate. You’re missing a great conversation here Brenda.”

“So you’re saying you we’re selling fate?”

“No, you asked why I called. I believe what I was selling was telephone service.”

“But, I already had telephone service, that’s how you called me, my telephone.”

“Which is exactly why I quit. Going around trying to sell people things they already have. What kind of buffoonery is that? So, about that pie…”

“Ha ha. You know what Mister Dell Larson, like the computer, Mister bestselling author, Mister telephone sales representative of fate and avid promoter of pie….”

“Yes, Miss Brenda Wayford.”

“There’s definitely something about you.”

“You know, I try to tell people that all the time.”

“Seriously though, I feel beyond at ease with you. I’m half sure at this point it’s some hypnotic spell you’ve put me under by overusing the word fate or something, but I truly don’t care any more. Dell, I haven’t felt this giddy about a guy since high school. I have butterflies in my stomach and goose bumps all up my arms as I speak. It’s just ridiculous, yet the feelings are so damn real. I just know that you’re a good guy, I don’t know why but I can actually feel it. And Lord knows I could use one of those in my life right now, in any fashion. You know what Dell, I do believe in fate…and on this very strange and special night, I do believe that fate has spoken.”

“That we should eat pie together?”

“By the way, I love pie.”

“Then it’s settled. You, me, a couple slices of apple…wait, cherry!”

“Mmmm. Yes, cherry!”

“How about Jeanette’s Café, Second and Congress, say….ten o’clock?”

“I know Jeanette’s, great place, not far from here at all. Sounds wonderful Dell, I’m really looking forward to meeting you.”

“And I, you, Brenda. I’ll be the guy at the corner table that can’t stop smiling.”

“And I’ll be the girl beaming with delight. Can’t wait, see you at ten.”

“Until then.”

“Dell?”

“Yes?”

“I…I think…..”

“I know….me too.”