The way our eyes meet.

I am 15. I have never had a girlfriend. And I thought I was fine.

Throughout my life, I see, I hear, I feel, I learn, I love, I do so many things. We all do. But, there are instances that can make something that seems so far gone feel brand new. It can turn a long forgotten crush into a newfound attraction.

When I see someone I havent talked to in a while, someone I had shared a great relationship as friends with, I choke back tears at the fact that it really is over. The times we may have shared, the loss I suffered realizing it was different now. It can be overwhelming. Just last year, ninth grade, we were alphabetically seated in my science class. Me and her sat nowhere near eachother. I never felt much for her then, I barely knew who she was.we would sometimes share a friendly "hello" when passing by eachother, or just a smile. It didn't matter. The kid next to her was quite the chatterbox. eventually, the teacher, Mrs. Ingram, had enough. She stood for a moment, organizing in her head.
"Tyler, please switch seats, so this young man can have some quiet."
I smiled politely. Inside I was jumping for joy. You may think 'well, he wanted to be there next to her' well, partially true, I suppose. I sat next to an equally loud young man, Justin. Loved to talk, Justin did. Well, I was free from that, only to find that the roles may have been reversed. She was just so charming, so, friendly and out goingh, and yet well rounded, with goals, dreams, hopes, everything. She seemed human, but at the same time, seemed better than human. Everyday, when the bell ring, we were all in our seats, e and her would share a quick story of how our day went, anything interesting that may have happened. It went from being the most boring class, to the class I wanted to stay in most.

The days went by, then the weeks, but, we never seemed to elevate beyond being 'friends who chat in 7th'. I had sometimes wondered if there would be something there, but, I shrugged it off, in fear of being flat-out rejected.

Soon, it was summer. I knew, that with that simple phrase: "Have a nice summer!" meant that everything that happened was in the past. Well, summer came, summer went, and here I am, thinking of her almost constantly.

I suppose the basic premise of why I am writing this, is because today, like many days, she gives me a simple smile, and my heart leaps. I now see her in English, and she sits rather far away, but I usually am able to see her. Sometimes, rarely, our eyes would meet. I know nothing is there, I know that. But, when she sees me, and smiles, I quickly smile and act like I was just looking around and happened to meet her eyes. No. I want our eyes to meet. Just for that rare pleasure of having meaning. it is like her smile alone can penetrate the folds of my heart, and those charming hazel eyes seem to go further, grazing the very narrows of my soul.

Do I look too deep into things? Yes.
Am I a victim of puppy love? Probably.
Does she inspire me more than anything? Definitely.

Well, there it is. I came home, jumped online, wrote this, coming up with the words as I type them. Is this a good piece? no.
But I just can't seem to find the write words to devote to explaining the undescribable sensation that is love.
Am I finished? No.
Am I going to stop? Yes. I feel that this may be a waste of my own time. the feeling has worn off. I am getting distracted. So, when something good happens, cherish it, because you could end up like me. Just wondering..