Freeze

Do you ever wish you could freeze time? I have this silly secret dream about saving moments. I wish that when I were in a moment I knew I would want to remember I could push some kind of button and it would take a freeze-frame picture of the moment, and store it in my brain. And later I could look through these images like a photo album, and when I saw one I would like to re-live, I could push a button and be taken right back that moment. I could re-live moments over and over again if I wished. If I could save a moment with my friend Caitlin, it would be a time when we were at the beach together. We were standing on the pier, absorbed by darkness, the wind was blowing, the water was calm, the stars were bright. We were silent, but it was the kind of silence that could speak volumes. It was a perfect moment, we were so in sync. We didn’t need to say anything, the silence said it all. I wish I could re-live that. With my family I would go back to a moment that I loved. We were in our kitchen after dinner and my brothers began wrestling each other, right there on the kitchen floor. My parents asked them to stop but instead they grabbed my father, and dragged him down in the fight. It was probably one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen. A man over 50, a 21-year-old and a 24-year-old sprawled on the floor. My mother was doubled-over in laughter, tears dripping from her eyes. I was clutching my side. My brothers and father were in hysterics on the floor. It was another perfect moment, I wish for that laughter and joy often. Mostly I wish I could re-live moments for people who are gone. Like my friend Will, who died this year. I would freeze-frame a moment at camp last summer. He stood in front of the camp to introduce himself as a member of the staff and he said, “I am Will. Will I am.” It was just a silly pun on his name, William, but he stood there grinning, so pleased with himself. I would like to remember Will in this way because he was at his prime. He was a boy of 18 years, the happiest you’ll ever meet. He was always smiling, his smile lit up rooms, it lit up everything, his smile could be the stars in my night sky. I wish to forever remember Will this way, his beauty inside and out. Do you ever wish you could freeze time?