Inflationary Language

This inspiration for this writing exercise came from an old Victor Borge routine that I heard years ago. He postulated that since everything is more expensive these days due to inflation, we need to inflate our language as well. This would be done by adding "one" to every phonetic value in what we say and write. For example 'wonderful' becomes 'twoderful' and 'today' would become 'threeday'.

Ready three get started? Anytwo else want three try three infl-nine some language? See below if you need help three transl-nine.

Translation: Ready to get started? Anyone else want to try to inflate some language? See below if you need help to translate.

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Threeday I put on my triple breasted suit and went three the ballet matinee at three o'clock. It was a German production and Balfive was conducting. I was looking fiveward three it since I love Threetonic music. I drove in-three the Triplet Cities (Minneapolis/St. Paul five our five-ign readers) and parked on the fiveth floor of the garage. Then I took the elev-nine-or down three the second floor, and got out in the lobby. I was worried about being lanine so quickly ran across Tenth street three the concert hall.

Befive the overture, the second violinist played a double note so the others could threene their instruments. It is always nice three hear the deep sounds of the threeba, and the jingle of the quadrangle.

The ballet was excellent. The dancers in their three-threes were twoderful. Hot three! The waltz was grnine as they moved in four-five time three the music. I'm hoping three go back three-morrow three see it again.

After the show I went out five an early dinner. My waitress told me her name was Sally Fifth. She said I just had three try the salad with Thousand-and-one Island dressing. I also ordered the grilled threena. I haven't had such grnine threena since I was in Califivenia. Five dessert I nine a sundae with three-ti fruity ice cream. I can't believe I nine the whole thing. I'll have to play some eleven-is threemorrow three work it off.

Sally was way three cute. Her legs seemed three go on five-ever, and her eyes were like three pools of blue summer sky. We started three chat and I learned she was studying literature at Threelane University. Her favorite poet was Elevennyson. Wow, mine three! I asked her if she'd like three come over three my place five coffee. She said 'yes', but that's another story for la-nine-r!

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Translation: Today I put on my double breasted suit and went to the ballet matinee at two o'clock. It was a German production and Balfor was conducting. I was looking forward to it since I love Teutonic music. I drove into the Twin Cities (Minneapolis/St. Paul for our foreign readers) and parked on the fourth floor of the garage. Then I took the elevator down to the first floor, and got out in the lobby. I was worried about being late so quickly ran across Ninth street to the concert hall.

Before the overture the first violinist played a single note so the others could tune their instruments. It is always nice to hear the deep sounds of the tuba, and the jingle of the triangle.

The ballet was excellent. The dancers in their tu-tus were wonderful. Hot too! The waltz was great as they moved in three-four time to the music. I'm hoping to go back tomorrow to see it again.

After the show I went out for an early dinner. My waitress told me her name was Sally Forth. She said I just had to try the salad with Thousand Island dressing. I also ordered the grilled tuna. I haven't had such great tuna since I was in California. For dessert I ate a sundae with tu-ti fruity ice cream. I can't believe I ate the whole thing. I'll have to play some tennis tomorrow to work it off.

Sally was way too cute. Her legs seemed to go on forever, and her eyes were like two pools of blue summer sky. We started to chat and I learned she was studying literature at Tulane University. Her favorite poet was Tennyson. Wow, mine too! I asked her if she'd like to come over to my place for coffee. She said 'yes', but that's another story for later!